Chapter 12 - Gen 2 - Tapestry

Sitting on the hard wooden bench with my arm wrapped around Honey, I'm impatiently willing River, the human man, to hurry up with our food, the time seems to be passing by really slowly because of the endless boredom and I am starting to feel exhausted from my lack of sleep.   Even though I've been through two lots of sedation since we were kidnapped, sedation is not the same as getting a proper nights sleep.

Manderine has been very quiet since they threw her into the cage with us, she's surprised me by not saying anything, she is just sat on the cold stone floor watching us warily, especially me.

Even though, the vampberries seem to have turned on Manderine now, as she is covered in bruises and sharing our cage, I strangely don't feel so scared after their last visit and I think just knowing that Cosmic is here and that he appears to be on friendly terms with the vampberry makes a huge difference.

I've always thought of that ghost as someone who is watching over our family for whatever his reasons are for hanging around our house in particular, he always seems to turn up when there is trouble and does whatever he can to help.

I instantly start rubbing my arm thinking about the horrible scar that I have which always reminds me of the very first time that I saw his ghost. The scar that was a result of the fire that he saved me and my Mother from when I was a small child.  I remember seeing him standing in the flames appearing to be fireproof, so I thought I would be too, which of course I wasn't.

I also think about the meadow, and the first time he tried to warn me about Storm, he stood there pointing towards Storm and I stupidly hadn't understood what he was trying to tell me at the time. I will always feel guilty for being so stupid, I can't help but think that if I'd realized what Cosmic was trying to tell me the first time he tried to warn me, but I didn't understand, it took him two attempts and then Cosmic had to speak to me to make me realize ... that Storm was in terrible trouble ... if I'd reacted quicker, Storm might still be here, he might never have faded.

I'm sure that Cosmic will try and help us get out of here somehow!!  Why else would he be here?!

I can hear Honey's stomach rumbling quite loudly, I know she's starving, she puts her hand on her stomach and looks embarrassed.  She really needs to eat, and so do I.  We both start to giggle quite loudly as my own stomach makes a loud noise joining in with the noise that Honey's stomach is making, both of our stomachs are crying out for food.

"Shut your noise up!!"  Manderine snaps at us quite nastily, she looks quite irritated by our laughing as she is glancing around nervously again like she has been since the vampberrys left the three of us alone down here.  I can tell that whatever they did to her when they took her upstairs has really affected her.  She has hardly said anything since they threw her in here, she's sat quietly like a frightened child, curled up into a ball hugging her knees, in the corner of the cage.

I start to feel quite nervous when I hear the metal door opening, and then hearing a set of footsteps echoing around the room as someone is coming down the stone steps.  I stand up and lean against the cold metal bars peering through them to see who is coming.  I'm relieved to see its only River like I'd hoped it would be, he's carrying a tray with plates of food on it, my stomach moans again just at the thought and sight of it.  He glances up and notices me watching him as he reaches the bottom of the stone steps, he stops suddenly for a moment and just loiters there smiling at me, a huge grin spreads across his face as he's staring back at me.

"Come on man, we are starving in here!!"  I snap at him ... this guy is SERIOUSLY strange.

"Tapestry I'm sorry it's taken me so long, I have had to go out to buy some stuff, they only keep blood in the fridge in this place."  I find it really strange, the way he keeps saying my name like we are old friends, when I hardly know the bloke, the way he keeps smiling at me also makes me worry, he totally ignores Honey and his creepy grins are always aimed only at me.

River laughs nervously  "I'm an idiot"  he says as he puts the tray down on the floor and stands there rubbing his neck like he's all stressed out.

I hear Manderine suddenly start cackling like a witch behind me but I ignore her because I'm getting very irritated with River who is still standing there rubbing his neck while the smell from the four plates of steaming spaghetti bolognaise has reached my nose and makes my stomach growl quite loudly again.  I wander why there are four plates?

"Shit I didn't think this through very well did I, people aren't normally here long enough to get fed."  he looks up at me  "I'm going to have to fetch someone to open the door!! I thought I could slide the plates under the door but I can't "  he says as he runs off in the direction of the steps just leaving the food sat on the floor screaming up at me to be eaten.  IDIOT!!!!

"He's another little orange nerd!!!"  Manderine says as she starts cackling again quite loudly "Berry only know's where Maizie's head was at!!"  I frown at her wandering what she's mumbling about  "River ... he's ... Maizies kid."  she says and carries on laughing, something really seems to have amused her but I can't work out what.

I already know that Maizie is River's Mother ... and?

A few minutes later I hear the door go again and quite a few sets of footsteps are now coming down the steps.  The male vampberry followed by River and Cosmic, I start to get very nervous seeing that Jazz is coming but I'm glad that I can also see Cosmic coming with him. I wander why Maizie is not with them, we haven't seen her since she pushed Manderine into our cage.

Cosmic and Jazz are talking ... this really confuses me because they act like they are really close friends as I watch the ghost places his hand on the vampberry's shoulder and they both start laughing, adding to the confusion I see River has an armful of blankets.  River is now frowning at Jazz probably wandering why he is laughing and appears to be talking to himself ... I'm guessing River can't see or hear Cosmic either and doesn't have a clue that he's even there.

Jazz picks up the tray of food off the floor and opens the cage door, he casually passes me the tray which I take off him very nervously, the bars no longer seperate us which makes me a little frightened, my hands are trembling as I stand there holding the tray with both hands trying not to drop it while I'm trying to avoid looking at him.

The vampberry stands aside so that River can bring in the blankets which he puts down on the crate behind Honey, he looks up and smiles at me again then leaves scurrying away like a scared rabbit.  Cosmic just floats in through the bars, I actually feel a lot safer having him here even if I'm not sure he can actually do anything to help us.

"I'm trying to organize something for you two to sleep on"  Jazz says looking at me which really takes me by surprise, I frown at him for a moment .... why is he being so ... nice?!  He smiles at me - he has warned Manderine not to hurt us - food - blankets and now the promise of a bed ... I thought he was going to fade us!?  I am seriously getting confused!!

I try not to look at the vampberry for too long, I have the food so I hand Honey a plate, put one down on the bench for myself then put the tray down in front of Manderine.  She snaps that she doesn't want it and pushes the tray away quite forcefully like an adamant child.  "Fine!!"  I snap at her and pick up one of the two plate, I'm not letting it go to waste and give it to Honey  "She needs it!!"  Honey smiles at me as I sit down and start eating.  I'm trying to ignore the fact that the vampberry, who is making me feel very uncomfortable, is still hanging around in the open doorway watching us quite closely.

Jazz laughs suddenly  "So you two know then?!"  he's looking between me and Honey maybe waiting for one of us to speak to him, but neither of us do we both just stare back at him.  "I can not only hear those babies, I can read her thoughts .... you two are going to be in so much trouble when your parents find out she's pregnant!!"  he's laughing and looks over at Cosmic  "Oh boy!!  I'd pay good money to watch Mango and Sunny's reaction to this one!!"  Cosmic and Jazz are now both laughing quite loudly.

Me and Honey just look at each other in shock for a moment, then I glance back towards Jazz who is still laughing as he walks out of the cage and shuts the door behind him, he smiles at me again then walks off without another word, I can hear him still laughing until the metal door at the top of the steps closes behind him.

That vampberry just spoke about both of our Dads by name and like he knows them - what is going on here?!  Is it my stupid brain just not keeping up as usual?!  He can hear those babies? THOSE BABIES - doesn't that mean more than one?!

Berry!!!  We did it ... Honey is pregnant!!

I glance towards Cosmic who is now sitting cross legged on the floor not too far away from Manderine, I wander for a moment if he can read thoughts and hear things like the vampberry's do, he smiles at me and I smile back, I can see Manderine watching me closely and she frowns. 

"What did they do to her upstairs? She's scared witless!!"  I ask Cosmic without thinking.  Honey obviously must have thought I am talking to her because she answers.

"I don't know, she's sat right there Tap, why don't you ask her yourself!!"  she laughs at me and so does Cosmic.

"Let's just say if she didn't believe in ghosts before she definately does now!!"  he's laughing as he glances in Manderines direction, I raised my eyebrows at him  "We had a little fun with her ... well I did ... I ruffed her up a little, I was angry and I'm afraid I went too far .... I'm not proud of myself but that woman .... there are a lot of things you don't know about her ... what I did to her is nothing compared to what she deserves."

"I really don't get what's going on here anymore!!  On minute that Jazz says he's going to fade us the next he's being nice ... what is that all about .. are we safe or not? because I'm getting very confused!!"  again I'm talking to Cosmic and again Honey answers me thinking I'm talking to her.

"No I don't get it either ..... how does that vampberry know our Dads?"  she asks  "I know exactly who SHE is and what she's done"  she points her fork at Manderine and accidentally flings pasta at her which has Manderine scowling at Honey.  "but the vampberry seems to know her too and he doesn't seem to like her very much either!!"  She puts her fork down and frowns at me  "There is too much weirdness going on ... like Cosmic ... you remember the grave I read out to you at the cemetery  ... why do they keep talking about him and saying his name?  I can guess why but it doesn't make any sense!!"  I shrug my shoulders at Honey, I could explain to her about Cosmic being here but I know she's not going to believe me, so I don't.

I notice Honey is sat scowling at Manderine and I wander why, then she just tells me  "Tap ... SHE is the one who faded Cosmic and his baby!!"  Honey says suddenly pointing at Manderine. I just stare at her for a moment, how would Honey even know that?  I glance over at Cosmic who is glaring at Manderine.  I'm a little amused by Manderine who seems suddenly very jumpy just at the mention of Cosmic's name little does she know he is sat right in front of her.  I don't say anything too busy trying to eat the food in front of me, while my brain is trying to process what Honey has just told me.  Manderine faded Cosmic?!  Is that why she was in prison?

"Me and Jazz went to school with both of your parents, Alpine, Caramel, Ice and Lime"  he says pointing at Manderine, I frown at him calling her Lime again  "I know your parents hide a lot from you Tapestry because of your problems, especially her antics, and you must be very confused but Jazz is not going to hurt you so you don't need to be scared of him, he's working on getting you two out of here and back home, you just need to be a little patient it's not going to be easy for him .. there are a few problems he's got to work through!!"  he says quietly. "He's going to come and talk to you later."

Relief washes over me and I swallow the mouthful of food I have in my mouth and just sit studying him for a moment. Cosmic saying that he and Jazz went to school with mine and Honey's parents, this suddenly makes me think of the photograph that they all have a copy of with nine teenagers on. 'The Gang' they call it. My parents, Sunny, Ruby, Ice, Alpine and Caramel.  There are also two boys on that photograph that I don't know and I've never seen, nor have I ever heard them being mentioned by anyone.  I wander?

There are a few things that have always confused me about that photograph, the first is why Ice has no scars on her face, when we have been told she fell through a window when she was a child, who those missing two boys are and the main thing while Sunny and Ruby are together as a couple, Alpine and Caramel are together, but my parents aren't, one of the unknown boys has his arm around my Mother, not my Dad. I asked my Dad about it once and he snapped my head off, so I never had the guts to ask him again.  He quickly put the photo away in a draw out of sight, but Mom got it out again later, she hopes one day that that photo will help her remember or help bring back all the memories she lost of her past when she fell down the stairs.

I'm too busy concentrating on trying to work it all out in my head that I don't think about Honey.   "So you and Jazz must be the missing two boys on their school photo!"  he starts laughing at me and says they are.  "So which one of you has their arm around my Mom?"  he laughs again

"That would be me, I was Lilly's boyfriend until I faded.  We were actually a few weeks away from getting married when SHE faded me."  he says and smiles, my head suddenly felt like it had been hit with something hard.  My mind quickly flew to the two graves at the cemetery .... that baby, Honey said that baby was Cosmics ... oh berry, it must be ... no .... I would know if it was my Mothers baby!!!  I tried to put the thought out of my head imagining I'm over thinking things, it doesn't take much to get my stupid brain muddled up.

I try to change the subject not sure my brain can take anymore shocks .. and there is something I've been meaning to ask him since Storm faded, I just haven't had the chance.

"Can I ask you something, does everyone have a ghost like you .... have you seen Storm .... will I see Storm like I can see you?"  Cosmic's ghost is not the only one I've seen wandering around, I've seen them all over the place, especially at the hospital, that's why I really hate going there, I am hoping that I will get to see Storm's ghost too.  Honey is frowning at me and looks quite worried about me talking to 'myself' again.

"Not everyone stays around, most people who fade pass straight over, I had a reason for hanging around that is why I'm still here"  he glanced over towards Manderine for a moment "and I imagine Storm could well hang around ... he was far too young to fade especially the way he did ... he will be angry, his spirit won't be able to rest ... I wouldn't be surprised at all if I see him hanging around the cemetery with the other restless spirits."  he smiles at me

"Well if you do see Storm hanging around, can you bring him too me, I want to see him and I really need to talk to him!"  I suddenly felt a little hopeful that Storm might hang around like Cosmic does, I will get to see him and talk to him so for me it will be like he never faded ... to me he will still be here.

Manderine suddenly starts scrambling across the floor to the other corner of our cage.

"Cosmic is in here isn't he!!"  she shrieks like a terrified child.  "How can you see and talk to him like they do?!

"Yeah Cosmic is here, he says hi!!"  I laugh at her and so does Cosmic.  Honey has a hold of my arm now and asks what's going on, I really wished she could see him, but I need to try and explain to her because this is getting awkward, I can't just pretend he's not there like I do at home, and there is only Honey now that doesn't know he's there.

I glance at Honey then look towards Cosmic and he nods his head and smiles.

"You remember when I have tried to tell you about the ghost living in our house that I play xbox with  ... the ghost that pulled me and Mom out of the fire ... and you told me I was going mad."  she nods her head and rolls her eyes at me, I know she is never going to take this seriously  "Well I'm not mad, he is actually here right now, his name is Cosmic and the vampberrys can see and talk to him like I do - that's why they keep talking about him because he's actually here."  I point towards him even though I know Honey can't see him.  "So I'm not as mad as we thought I was!!"

She looks at me for a moment like I've gone mad then she starts laughing because I know she doesn't believe it, so many times I've tried to have this conversation with her and I doubt she ever will believe it.  She  leans towards me and puts her hand on my forehead like she's checking to see how hot I am, like I might be sick or something.  She always thinks I'm going mental when I start talking to her about the ghost.

"Cosmic you need to show her, she doesn't believe me, and I don't think she ever will unless you show her."  I say looking at him.  He laughs as he stands up and picks up my fork.  "Honey watch the fork."

Cosmic waves the fork about in front of her for a few moments, Honeys eyes widen as they following the fork, she glances at me nervously then looks back at the fork, her mouth drops open as she watches the fork now floating away from her as Cosmic moves over to the tray and picks up the spare plate and carries it back towards her and puts it on the bench.  All she can see is the plate and fork floating about in the air. Cosmic moves the fork towards the plates of food, he scoops up some spaghetti off the spare plate and moves it towards Honey slowly, she mumbles "SHIT!!"  as she's watching the fork moving towards her.

"Tell her to open up"  Cosmic says to me so I repeat it to her and she opens her mouth as she looked at the fork coming towards her with cross eyes.  She ate the food off the fork with wide eyes, then moves her arm around in front of her like she's trying to find Cosmic with her hands.  I watch Honey's hand pass straight through him like he isn't even there.  She looks at me in total shock .... now I think she has no choice but to believe me.

All the time Manderine is sat in the corner curled up into a ball looking terrified.  "I'll go and see what's taking River so long his foods going cold."   he says as he places the fork down on the plate and floats off through the bars laughing to himself.

"That ... that ... that didn't just happen!!!"  she says nervously her eyes still wide with shock as she looks at me.  "You can actually see him!?"  I smile at her as I nod my head  "You are talking to him?!  A ghost!?  How?"  I shrug my shoulders as I carry on eating the last of my food.  I'd love to know the answer to that question myself, why is it only the vampberrys can see him just like I do, I'd love to know why!

Jazz comes back with River who is carrying two glasses of what looks like juice, he gives one to Honey and he hands me the other glass.  I just stare into the glass debating on whether I should drink it or not because I don't know what it is, being colourblind I can't see what colour it is without tasting it.  Honey is watching me too  "He can't drink that it will send him hyper!!"  she says as she takes the glass off me, I'm really glad she's here because she understands my problems.  I see River and Jazz frowning at me.  "He has ADHD and you don't want him to get hyper, and that juice will send him hyper!!" she tells them as she puts the glass down on the floor by her feet.

"ADHD?"  Jazz asks looking at River

River starts laughing "It's a neurodevelopemental psychiatric disorder ..."  

"In English!!"  Jazz snaps at him

"Sorry!  It's basically a mental disorder, his brain doesn't function properly, I'd need to see his medical records to see exactly what type he has and how extreme it is, but I'd hazzard a guess it's probably because there was an impairment in his brains development due to how premature and tiny he was when he was born, "  I can see River frowning as he turns to stare at me "He'll need medication."  I saw Jazz rubbing his head then he just stands there staring at me saying nothing.

"You are the doctor, River find out everything that's wrong with him, especially with his brain and eyes then come and find me!!  I've got a job for you to do."  he says as he closes the cage door, he hesitates for a moment then glances at River "Yes I think it could well be the reason!"  he says just before he flies off up the stone steps at speed which I found very strange .. why my brain and eyes?  I think River just spoke to Jazz in his head again ... that is really irritating me that they can do that.

River picked up the fourth plate of spaghetti and sits down beside me on the bench and starts eating it even though it is now stone cold.  It was only then that I realized that he is now shut inside the cage with us, but he doesn't seem to be too bothered about it.  He doesn't say anything at first he is concentrating on his food, but I notice him glancing at me occasionally.

"What did you just say in your head to the vampberry?"  I ask him, he stops eating for a moment and frowns at me.

"You are not stupid are you!!"  he laughs and so do I - stupid is my middle name!!  He doesn't know me very well yet!!  "I asked him if he thought your brain disorder might be the reason why they can't read your thoughts or compel you."

"Compel me?"

"They can make us mortals do things - they can brainwash us to do things and even wipe our memories clean - never look them directly in the eyes Tapestry because that's when they get you .... although that doesn't really apply to you does it, Jazz has already tried it with you and he can't compel you, you actually ...."  he stopped suddenly like he'd already said too much, he shook his head then stuffed a fork full of spaghetti into his mouth.  When did Jazz try to compel me?

Honey suddenly jumps up off the bench and stands there heaving for a moment before she runs off into the bathroom, it doesn't take long before we hear her throwing up quite violently.  I watch River start to pull a face as he puts his plate down on the tray, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand while he's still pulling faces at the noise that Honey is making.  I guess the sound of Honey throwing up has just put River off eating the rest of his food.

"It's your's I take it!"  he says looking at me  "The baby, or should I say babies, the vampberrys say they can hear two of them."  I smirk at him and he rolls his eyes at me, just like Dad does when he's not impressed with something.

He studies me for a moment with a strange expression on his face that I can't quite work out.  He is really beginning to irritate me, what is with all of the strange looks and creepy smiles that he keeps giving me.

"They are bringing my bed down here for Honey later so at least she has something comfortable to sleep on."  he says as he watches Honey walking back from the toilet.

Honey yawns and lies down on what bit of bench there is left and moves my arm so she can lay her head on my lap and closes her eyes.  She seems to be doing nothing but sleeping while I haven't slept a wink since we arrived here and I don't have a clue how long that has been now.  I start playing with Honey's hair which I know she likes and always helps to sends her off to sleep quickly, not that she really needs me to do that, she seems to be able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat at the moment.

"Your bed?!  Do you live here?"  I ask him as I notice he is just sat there silently watching me playing with Honey's hair.

"Not exactly, I do have a house, but I spend a lot of time here and I sleep here quite often when I can't be bothered to go home or if I don't have work the next day.   Maizie lives here like all the rest of the vampberry's."  I wander why he calls his Mother by her name, I wouldn't dare call either of my parents by their names.

"How many vampberry's live here?"  I ask curiously and am surprised and a little scared when he says there are eight vampberrys based here, but I felt a little better when he told me we should only see Jazz and Maizie, the other's are away at the moment, like Jazz should have been.  When I asked him where they are he told me he wasn't too sure, because they don't really tell him a lot about their activities, it's better he doesn't know so he doesn't really ask questions.

We start talking about my medical problems so I end up doing most of the talking for a while as I tell him about all the things that are wrong with me, he occasionally asks me a question  ... the strangest question he asks me is of I know why my eyes are colourless ... obviously I say because my Mother is colourless, all four of us have colourless eyes.  River says its not genetically possible, which confuses me and asks if my Dad has ever said anything about it.  He really baffles me, because as far as I know we have just inherited my Mothers colourless eyes and that's it.  He tries to explain to me that a colourless berry has a missing colour pigment and if it's passed on through their children then they too should be totally colourless like my Mother and Affair, never part colourless, he's never seen or heard of that happening before.  He just casually mentioned Affair ... how would he even know about Affair?  Who is this guy?!

He starts asking me questions about Mosaic and Coral, asking if they have any medical problems like mine, which they don't, they are not even colourblind.   I find it strange at first that he should know my brother and sisters names then remember how he says he knows mine, but still it is a little strange that he should remember all three of our names when he doesn't even know any of us.

"Is your colourblindness hereditary or are you the only one?"  he asks me, when I told him my Grandfather and Dad are both colourblind he looked shocked for a moment  "Really!!??" he muttered then went quiet for a moment.

"They say you are seeing and talking to spirits."  he says suddenly and laughs  "I can't see them myself but Maizie has told me about them, how they wander around everywhere and how vampberrys can see them and communicate with them ... Jazz says you can see and communicate with our resident ghost, who I never even realized was here until today!"  he laughs again then frowns at me  "I don't suppose you know if Coral and Mosaic or your parents can see and talk to them too?"  he asks

"No they don't see them, I tried to tell everyone in our house about Cosmic, my brother and sister, my Parents and my Grandparents and they all think I'm mad!!"  he smiles at me  "I thought if anyone was going to believe me my Grandparents would especially my Gran ... but they don't either!!"

"I've seen ... your Grandparents at the hospital."  he says suddenly and he has this far away look in his eyes  "I've spoken to your Grandfather but not your Grandmother... I was really surprised when I found out that she is a mixed berry!!  Especially as she has no orange in her at all!!"

I look at him for a moment, he seems to know a hell of a lot about my family, maybe a little too much ... and all these questions they are really starting to irritate me.  "River why are you asking me all these questions?  How do you know so much about my family and why does the vampberry want to know everything about my brain and eyes?"

"We are trying to work out why and if any of your combined medical problems are what makes you different ... because you seriously are unusual especially to the vampberrys ... they can't read or even hear your thoughts, they can't hear your heartbeat or smell your blood or fear, they can't compel you so they can't erase your memory then you can see and communicate with the spirit world ... to them for a mortal you are seriously not normal."  I asked him why that should even matter and he pulled a face  "Look I've already said too much  ... it needs to come from them ... I think maybe we should change the subject!!"

I want to steer the conversation away from my family, just thinking about them is starting to upset me and he seems determined to just carry on sitting there, before he starts on about my family again I thought I'd ask him a question, so far I've only heard him mention his Mother.  "Where is your Dad I haven't heard you mension him yet, is he a vampberry too?"  I saw a strange expression wash over his face as Manderine suddenly starts laughing. She's been sat curled up in the corner quietly listening to our conversation without saying a word and suddenly she's laughing.

"SHUT UP  ..... you evil bitch .... I'm warning you!!"  he shouts at her as he points at her quite viciously, which takes me by surprise because it seems a little out of character from what I've seen of him so far.  "I don't know who my Dad is, Maizie has never told me."  he snaps as he stands up quickly still glaring at Manderine.  I watch him picking up all of the plates and glasses, like he needs a distraction, then he wanders off into the toilet like he is about to wash them up in the sink.  Manderine is still laughing that horrible laugh of her's and she's beginning to really irritate me.  I glance down at Honey who is sleeping and think she might wake her up if she carries on with her loud witches cackle for too long.

"Cosmic says be quiet, you are giving him a headache!!"  I snap at her, just the mention of his name shuts her up instantly, now it's my turn to laugh as I watch her try to shrink even further into the corner her arms wrapped tightly round her legs and her eyes start darting around.  She's absolutely petrified of Cosmic, shame she can't see he isn't really here.  This makes me laugh again and I see her eyeing me suspiciously. "He's just told me a joke."  I giggle to myself ... how horrible am I!?

I sit staring at her, just looking at her suddenly makes me think of Parsley, he looks a lot like her, I can see his face clearly in hers, this then makes me think of Prelude .. and Storm ... and instantly I don't feel like laughing anymore.  Just thinking about my family, especially Storm brings those stingy tears into the back of my eyes .... I just want to go home!!

River walks out of the toilet with four clean plates in his hand, he suddenly stops and stands looking at me. "Hey ...What's wrong?"  he says as he puts the plates down on the crates and stands in front of me.  He's seen the tears rolling down my face.  I don't know where they have come from, I've managed to hold them in so far and suddenly they just come and I can't stop them. River has had me thinking about and talking about my family with all of his questions and I suddenly feel very home sick.

"I want to go home ..... I need my Dad!"  I say as I start to break down.  As much as he irritates me, Dad has always been the one that I've been the closest too, he's always smothered me and I'm struggling not having him around, I've never been without him for this long before and I need my medication, suddenly I can feel my head going .... I already know I've got an emotional overload coming on ... I'm surprised its taken this long to come.

 River lays his hand on my shoulder telling me everything is going to fine and I'll be home before I know it ..... he's really starting to irritate me ... who is he anyway?!  "GET OFF ME MAN!!"  I snap as I push him off me and I stand up quickly, not thinking about Honey who's asleep and has her head on my legs.  I see her go flying off the bench but luckily River catches her before she hits the floor.

I start to get really angry with myself thinking that I could quite easily have just hurt her ... and the baby ... this unhinges me.

"Oh!!! ... he's off!!"  I hear Manderine say .... she should have kept her mouth shut!!  "The loopy tune is about to kick off!!!"

"SHUT UP .... YOU BITCH!!"  I yell at her, "IT'S YOUR FAULT WE ARE IN HERE!!"  I go flying towards Manderine but I don't reach her, someone, I presume River grabs my arm, pulling me back to stop me from getting to her.  I push him away quite roughly again  "DON'T TOUCH ME!!!"

"Tap?  What set him off?  No River just leave him!!"  I hear Honey say  "Leave him or you'll just make him worse ... if you leave him sometimes he calms down!!"

"YEAH JUST LEAVE ME!!"  I yell at nobody in particular as I stand there holding my head because it's really starting to hurt.

Not only am I exhausted I can't stop crying, emotionally I feel wrecked like everything that's happened since the day of Storms funeral  is only just catching up with me.  I just want to go home ... why are they not letting us out of here?!

I need to get out of this place, I make my way over to the door and start rattling it, trying to force it open   "LET US OUT .... YOU CAN'T KEEP US HERE!!"  I'm frantically shaking the door which is making an awful clanking noise, that is also getting to my head, I feel myself losing it completely and I can't stop it.

Suddenly I hear a lot of noise as a pair of hands pull me backwards and away from the door, I try to fight them but they are too strong and I can't find what's holding me ... Cosmic.  I hear the cage door open and Jazz and Maizie voices but my vision is now clouded and my head is swimming with rage as I'm yelling, screaming and trying to struggle.

The last thing I remember is a set of strong cold hands grabbing hold of my arms

Then everything goes black.


~~~~~~~~~~~