Lying on the bed, where I have been for most of the day, I keep switching off into my own little world while I'm silently watching the homeless girl who still hasn't woken up properly yet.
She has been drifted in and out of consciousness while she has been delirious because of her high temperature, but now her temperature is coming down a little she is sleeping quietly.
I'm not sure that she is even aware of where she is yet.
According to Winter she has a chest infection, just a normal chest infection that wouldn't have worried a healthy person, but because the homeless girl is so malnourished, it has made it worse, her immune system and body is far too weak to fight the infection properly. Winter says it's a good job I found her when I did, she doubts she would have lasted the night or another day without medical attention, her temperature in particular was dangerously high.
She's been lay there for two days now and it looks like she is starting to get a little better, thanks to the constant fluid drip that she's on, antibiotics and other stuff that Winter has been giving her, I suspect she might even be keeping her a little sedated, one of the bottles that she keeps drawing liquid from and injecting into her arm looks a little too familiar.
It took Winter hours to scrub her clean, even more hours to wash and untangle her hair and comb out all the bugs and nits crawling through it. Her clothes shocked me, the dress, that I thought was a dress wasn't, it was actually just an old sheet that she has wrapped around herself and tied up. She had no other clothing, not even any underwear according to Winter.
The door opens and Denim walks in and laughs at me when he sees me lying on the bed staring at the girl. "You're not even dressed yet you idol git!!" He slaps my leg playfully as he stands by the bed "What's the fascination Tap... it's not like she's going to run off anywhere!!" he says laughing at me "Winter says she might be out for a while longer yet, so you don't need to keep sitting in here and watching her!!"
"That's just the point I do, when she wakes up I'm half expecting her to scream the house down and try to do a runner!!" I sit up from my lying position "I've been chasing her around town for a month now, she only has to see me and she bolts, I don't want her to get away again!!" he laughs at me as he throws my clean clothes at me, and tells me that she'll be too weak to even walk let alone run when she does wake up.
I pull faces at him and he just laughs at me as I walk out of the bedroom to take a shower and get dressed. I really like Denim, we get on like we've known each other for years, it's like I've suddenly gained a best mate over night.
When I stroll back into the bedroom Denim is sat on the couch watching a game on the sports channel, with the volume turned down very low which I can hardly hear, probably so that it doesn't disturb the sleeping girl. I sit down beside him and he grins at me. He still feels a little awkward about being here and he's finding it hard to readjust to living back in a house again instead of on the streets.
Denim had turned up at 10 am as we arranged, it amused me that the very first thing he did when I opened the door was to give me my watch back. He stood in the hallway like he had the day I'd brought him in to feed him, looking embarrassed and awkward. As soon as Winter walked into the hallway he started laughing, she looked at him for a moment, frowned then said "OMG!! Denim Clay, it is you isn't it!? I haven't seen you for years ... where have you been hiding yourself!!" On the streets obviously!! I had said which made us all laugh.
Winter and Denim knew each other already!! Their parents had been good friends apparently, both being from blue families ... in the world ruled by colour all of the same colour families do tend to know each other and socialize more than with other colour families. They used to play together when they were kids when their parents were visiting each other, they half suspected that their parents hoped they would start dating but that never happened. They lost touch when Winter moved to Apple Hill because of her job and Denim didn't even know that she was back in town or the reason why. He got a little upset when Winter told him about her Mothers illness and that she faded recently.
I was a little confused at first, I couldn't quite work out how they could have played together as kids, I thought Winter was about the same age as River, but she isn't, Winter is actually quite a bit older than River ... she is more than 10 years older than I thought she was!!
So there was nothing to discuss, Winter didn't even have to think about it, she was actually a little upset and said if she'd known he was in that situation she would have had him off the streets way before now ... she told Denim the spare room was his if he wanted it ... which of course he did. She went straight out to buy him some new blue clothes and after a good scrub, shave and hair cut he looks like a completely different person. He still has the dark rings round his eyes like the homeless girl but they will fade over time, once he gets a few decent meals inside him and a few proper nights sleep.
I sit watching the game with him even though I'm not really interested in sport, I don't really see the fascination of watching grown men chasing a ball around a field and beating each other up in the process. He must have spotted me looking over at the homeless girl.
"She's still there!" he laughs at me "What did she steal from you Tap?" I look at him a little awkwardly "Is it really so important?"
"She didn't actually steal anything ... you put that idea into my head, the first time I spoke to you in the park ... it was easier than telling the truth ... sorry!!" I smile at him a little embarrassed.
"So why have you been chasing her round?" he frowns at me
"I just need to speak to her about something ... something you wouldn't understand!!"
"Try me ... how do you know I won't understand?!" I roll my eyes at him, I wish I hadn't said anything now, I should have just stuck to the stealing story!! but when she wakes up she'll tell him she didn't steal anything. "Go on ... tell me!!" and I get the feeling he's just now going to keep on until I tell him.
"How did the job interview go?" I asked him trying to avoid the question and steer the conversation in a different direction.
"I know what you are doing ... trying to change the subject hoping I'll forget!" he laughs at me then tells me that the job interview went okay, a lot better than he expected. Luckily there are still quite a few people working at the stadium who remember what he was like before he fell apart, and they are willing to give him another chance but he has got to start right at the bottom again and work his way back up and any sign of him drinking and he's out.
He isn't bothered by having to start from scratch or alcohol, he knows that was his downfall and he swears he's never going to touch another drop. He's just happy that he can return to work at the stadium again, he thought they would send him packing and not even consider giving him another chance. So he starts his new job at the beginning of next week which he's quite excited about.
He also tells me that he bumped into one of his old mates and it has upset him a little. One of his so called mates who totally turned his back on him while he was on the streets, he's been walking past him for the last five years like he doesn't even know him, he's even seen him change direction and walk the other way just to avoid him. He was outside the stadium when he came out after his interview and his old friend just came up and started chatting to him like the last five years had never happened.
"So I told him to take a hike!! he's got a nerve I don't need friends like him!!" he laughs quietly "When it takes a total stranger to pick me up out of the gutter!!" I just smile at him. I half expected him to go into his routine of thanking me over and over and telling me how much he appreciates what me and Winter have done for him ... giving him the chance to get his life back together ... but he didn't, he asks me the question again, I had been hoping he would forget "So come on ... why have you been chasing her around town?" I roll my eyes at him, I thought I'd got away with it!!
"Have you ever seen me talking to myself?" he laughs and says he has a few times, he just thought it was part of my medical problems "Well I'm not mad like people think and it's not part of my medical condition either, I am actually talking to someone you can't see ... a ghost." he starts howling with laughter like I knew he would
"Tap ghosts aren't real!!" he's almost hysterical now
"Denim they seriously are as real as you and me!! I can see and hear ghosts and so can she ... that is why I need to speak to her ... I've never met anyone before who can see ghosts like I do." he continues to laugh "and I said you wouldn't understand!!"
"No I don't ... and you'll never convince me they are real!!"
"Your sons name is Levi right, he was about ten when he faded." he stops laughing and frowns at me "Your wife's name is Saphire." he smiles and says I can't blag him I've seen their graves "Remember I don't read and you've never told me their names have you, so how else would I know ... I've seen them both." he frowns at me again.
I am not about to tell him that his son is sat over in the corner of the room with Storm right now because that will probably freak him right out. He's been hanging around here a lot with Storm since Denim moved in. It really upset me the first time he showed up, its bad enough having to look at Storm being a teenager forever, Denims son is just a kid, he's about 10 years old, it breaks my heart just to look at him knowing he was way too young to fade, he'd hardly had any life.
"I haven't seen your daughters because they have passed over, but your wife and son are still here, I've spoken to Levi a few times, he told me the girls were twins and younger than him." he just sits staring at me, I'm not sure if he believes me or not. So I start telling him about the fire when I was a child, the first time I saw one, I told him about Cosmic and all about Storm. He just sits quietly listening no longer laughing. "I can prove it to you if you really want me to!!" he looks at me wide eyed without saying anything, before he starts laughing again.
The door opens and Winter walks in putting an end to our conversation, she has come in to check on the homeless girl, she smiles at both of us especially Denim who is now continuously laughing.
I remember that they have just come back from the hospital, Winter said she would take Denim to see River after his job interview, I am just about to ask how he is when she walks over and snaps at me "Your brother wants to see you!!"
"Yeah, I bet he does!!" I start laughing, I'm expecting an ear bashing over the whole homeless girl situation, and it's not because he doesn't like the lack of colour, he told me to keep away from her because it will attract attention to us. I didn't go to see him yesterday too busy helping Winter with her and getting an ear bashing off her for bringing the girl home. I still need to speak to him anyway before I go back to work tomorrow just in case Grape does really turn up to talk to me about a music career. "I'll go later, I'm going to do some busking in the park then I'll go see him."
"Just make sure that you do!!" she frowns at me "I don't have a clue who she is, I've run a search through the birth records at the hospital and I can't find trace of her, the last registered colourless baby born in this town was male, over 20 years ago, the one before that a woman but that was over 40 years ago, they were both from the same family ... the woman is the boys Aunt."
Winter is looking at me with raised eyebrows, I think she's talking about Affair and my Mother, Storm told me they were both born here. Winter thinks the girl is her 20's but its hard to tell because of how malnourished she is, and she thinks if she was born in this town then her parents probably hid her until she was old enough to throw her out on the streets or she was even dumped in this town.
"Did you say she's been running the streets since she was a child Denim ... because I've never seen her!!"
"Yes, I think I was about 16 the first time I saw her ... "
He starts to explaining that he remembers he was still at school, he used to hang out in the woods with his mates at lunch time and after school, smoking and drinking like boys do ... she scared the life out of them when she jumped out of the bushes at them ... she was just a very small child ... none of them had ever seen a colourless berry before ... they saw her a few times, she freaked them out so they kept well out of the woods after that!!
"I was really surprised to see she was still running the streets when I landed there ... I hope you know she's wild ... she's almost feral ... I doubt she'll stay she's spent too many years living wild, when she's well enough she'll probably just take off ... I doubt she can even talk, I've only ever heard her screaming and she fights like an animal."
"Oh she talks alright!!" I start laughing and so does Storm, he's probably remembering the mouthful that she gave him like I am. "I've had a few conversations with her." Winter frowns at me and asks me why would I even have been talking to her, she has a disgusted look on her face which worries me for a moment ... she forgets that where I come from berry's who lack colour are treated like human beings. I roll my eyes ... here we go again.
"She can see Storm like I can ... " she interrupts me
"Oh not Casper again!!" she looks at Denim "I bet he's tried to convince you ghosts are real too hasn't he!!" she says to Denim and he just laughs. I see Denim and Winter rolling their eyes at each other ... both of them seriously don't believe me.
River has told her about Storm and she really does not want to believe any of what either me and River have tried to tell her ... she seriously does not believe in ghosts, if she wasn't so heavily pregnant I would have proved it to her by now but I'm scared I might frighten her. "I suppose it's a good job we don't have to find Casper a bed too!!" she says and they both start laughing.
"He doesn't like being called Casper!! His name is Storm!!" I snap at her.
She carries on laughing and walks out of the room saying she's making some lunch.
We hear the homeless girl coughing behind us so we both turn to look at her, I am hoping she's waking up but she isn't she just mumbles in her sleep for a few minutes and then quickly goes quiet again. Denim's eyebrows raise because he heard her talking in her sleep after saying only moments ago that he doubted she could talk, he carry's on watching her like I do.
"If you say so Tap ... I still can't see past her lack of colour yet!!" he keeps laughing at me
Denim is really struggling to get his head around the colourless thing. He seriously can't believe that there are towns out there that treat colourless berrys like human beings and not freaks. He's been brought up here so he wouldn't know any differently because of what he's always been taught. He doesn't understand it when I tell him to me her lack of colour means nothing, she's just a normal person like everyone else. If I could tell him the truth about my Mother and cousin he might understand better, but I can't tell him.
"Is that the real reason why you've been chasing her round town?! Because you think she's pretty?" he's now looking at me with amusement.
"No you idiot!!" what he has just said makes me a little mad for a moment and I shout at him quite nastily.
I nearly told him about Honey, even though Winter has told me I need to keep that to myself, I can't tell anyone anything that might connect me to back home, especially not Honey and the babies, which I find a little strange, but I don't question it. Denim sits there uncomfortably I think he can see he's made me angry.
"I'm sorry ... I haven't taken my meds yet ... I'll be okay in a minute." I say to cover up why I was just so nasty to him, River has explained my medical condition to him and he's been warned that I can just blow at the slightest thing, he smiles at me awkwardly, I'm not sure he knows what to do "When she wakes up she'll tell you ghosts exist ... I've already told her why I want to talk to her, but for some reason she thinks EVERYONE can see them, I don't think she realizes everyone can't!!" I say to him quietly, now kicking myself for blurting it out like I did and starting this whole conversation.
"Okay I believe you ... thousands wouldn't!!" he says laughing nervously as he gets up "I'm going to see if Winter needs a hand." he smiles at me, and he starts to walk out of the room, he stops for a moment when he gets to the door. "You coming, she also wants to sort out the bed situation!" he laughs at me.
I tell Storm to keep an eye on the girl and follow them out to the kitchen. With River coming home, the homeless girl and Denim here we do have to sort out where everyone will be sleeping ... another problem I've caused apparently by bringing the colourless girl home.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm standing alone in the park busking, it seems a little strange not having Storm around it's the first time I've been out in town without him. I'm out while he is at home keeping an eye on the homeless girl.
Even though Winter and Denim say they are okay with her, and I can see they are getting there heads slowly around the colourless thing and seem to be treating the girl okay, I've left Storm keeping an eye on her while I'm not there, not completely sure that I can trust them while I'm not there watching them. I'm half expecting them to send her packing when she wakes up while my back is turned, neither of them really want her there ... and if I don't stand up for her nobody else in this narrow minded town will!!
I needed to get out for some fresh air and also to get myself mentally prepared before I go to the hospital to see River ... I'm not looking forward to the ear bashing that I think I'm going to get from him.
I glance up and see a familiar figure standing not too far away watching me, I don't know how long he's been stood there listening to me playing. When he sees I've spotted him he starts to stroll across the park towards me. I have to do a double take and blink my eyes quite a few times to make sure I'm not seeing things.
Rocky!! He has his guitar with him ... surely he wouldn't be busking in the park!!??
I feel like I'm going mad for a moment. As he is walking in my direction he keeps being stopped by various people and I am watching him signing autographs and having his photo taken. He glances at me and smiles a few times. I laugh when he looks over and rolls his eyes when a young girl starts screaming at him, acting like she's about to pass out. I think he's getting irritated by all the attention he is getting. I swear he's not really here I'm imagining it or dreaming, I'm going to wake up in a minute. Rock God's don't just stroll through the park with there guitar do they!?
"One drawback about being famous ... they NEVER leave you alone!!" he laughs as he stands in front of me ... is he seriously talking to me?! He holds out his hand "I'm Rocky Giggs by the way" I laugh as I shake his hand telling him my name ... like he really has to introduce himself to me, or tell me who he is!!
"Grumpy said I might find you here!" he says smirking at me. I stand staring at him, he said that like he has actually come here looking for me! "So Tapestry, I hear you sing and play my songs better than I do!!"
WHAT!? I frown at him
"Blaze ... you sang it to Grumpy Grape here in the park the other day." he says smiling "According to him a lot better version of it than I do!!"
"FUDGE!!"
I start laughing to hide my embarrassment when I just want a big hole to open up in the ground and swallow me whole ... I had the day Grape asked me to sing those two songs ... both of the songs I'd sang had been Rocky's I hadn't even thought about it, but then I didn't know that Rocky is Grapes son or I never would have done it!!
"I'm sorry!! If I'd known he was your old man ... actually if I'd known who he was period ...."
"Don't be embarrassed ... you are not from this town are you?!" he smiles at me as I shake my head "I didn't think so ... so are you in town chasing a music career, this town is always flooded with wannabe artists because of Apple and Grape being here?"
"No, me and my brother were just travelling around, he's in hospital, he's broke his back, so we are stranded here for 6 months ... as for a music career I've never really thought about it." he frowns at me and almost looks surprised for a moment, just like Grape had when I'd said the same thing to him.
"Well you should, I haven't seen Grumpy this excited over anyone for quite a while, and it's not often he gets it wrong ... I hope you know he's going to keep chasing you round until he's got you!!" he scratches his head as he looks at me
I just standing staring at him like an idiot again, he smiles at me, I guess he must have people acting strangely around him all the time being so famous ... I seriously don't know what to do or say.
"So ... Blaze, he says you twisted it up a bit ... I want to hear how, if you don't mind playing and singing your version for me!!" Oh fudge!! This is awkward!!
I start playing and singing it for him and it just feels really weird standing here performing one of his songs that I've messed about with. He just stands there smiling at me. When I finish playing it he starts clapping and laughing "Grumpy was right, that is very good!!" ... is he for real? I was half expecting him to have a go at me for messing about with one of his songs.
"Do you twist a lot of songs up?" I tell him sometimes when I'm bored which makes him smile, he asks me if I've twisted up any more of his songs, I smile at him awkwardly and tell him probably most of his songs because I can play everything off all of his albums, he laughs and asks if he can hear a few I've twisted up ... so I play him a few more of his songs.
"Have you ever tried writing your own stuff?" I tell him I haven't really tried, which I haven't ... thinking about it I'm not really sure why ... but it's probably because it's not like I can actually write anything down. "You know you should try it ... I think you might surprise yourself!!" he smiles
He starts getting his guitar out of it's case and I'm wandering what he's doing, I already know he has exactly the same guitar as mine only I presume his is in whatever colour he is ... teal or green.
"Grumpy says you are dyslexic, you don't read sheet music and play by ear?" he raises his eyebrows "Do you mind if I test you out?" I just smile at him but can't help laugh in my head at him keep calling his old man Grumpy "I want you to listen to this .." he says as he starts playing something that I've never heard before.
I ask him to play it again because I'm not too sure I've completely got it, he smiles and plays it again. When he's finished playing it for the second time he looks up at me and I tell him I've got it.
I play it back to him and he surprises me by singing while I play.
"Amazing!! Note perfect ... that's some talent to have!!" he says as he starts laughing "That is supposed to be my next single but I'm far from happy with it! I was actually on the verge of scrapping it, but I think you might be able to help me save it."
He pulls a CD case out of his back pocket and hands it to me, I take it off him and stare down at the blank CD case in my hand with what just looks like a blank CD in it, the CD has a word scribbled across it that I can't read. Wandering why he would be giving it to me.
"I've got a job for you if you want it ... I'll pay you obviously ... a cut of the royalties." my eyes widen ... I seriously am dreaming now!! "Try and fix this for me! I'm happy with the lyrics, its the cords progression especially in the middle - it's too flat - I've spent hours trying to alter it." I stand staring at him with wide eyes
"You want ... ME ... to fix your song?!" he laughs at the expression on my face
He says I've made a pretty good job of mixing up the songs he's heard me playing, so he doesn't see why I can't make this one better to save him from scrapping it! I already know he writes all of his own songs, but he says he's got quite a collection of songs that have never seen the light of day because he's not happy with them, if I make a good job of this one, I can take a look at the others and maybe help him save some of them.
I swear I'm tripping ... did I take two lots of medication today?!!
I stare down at the CD case in my hand again without saying anything, I spot the Apple logo etched into the cd case, which confuses me for a moment, then I remember that Rocky's CD's do all have apples on them and not grapes. I've never really thought about it before because I didn't know that Rocky was Grapes son.
"I don't get it ... why are you with Apple if your old man owns Grape?" I frown at him.
"Its a long story which I'll tell you sometime ... basically Grumpy is a control freak especially where I'm concerned, we fell out when I was younger we didn't speak for years, I went off to get my own music career, contrary to what most people think ... I didn't get it handed to me on a plate by my old man ... I thought Grumpy was going to have a coronary when he found out I'd signed to Apple." he starts laughing "He's still constantly on at me for not switching labels, but I'm not giving him the satisfaction!!"
I remember what Grape had said about me hanging about on the streets that it won't take long for another label to pick me up, I wander for a mad moment if this is what is going on here, there obviously is some bad feeling going on between them and they both work for different labels ... I wander if they are playing games with each other try to see who can get to me first ... I think I'm slowly starting to believe what they are telling me about myself.
"So you don't have anything to do with your old mans label at all?" he laughs at me
"Don't get me wrong, I've got a vested interest in Grape obviously, I'll inherit it one day, and that will be the day I switch labels ... I might be with Apple myself, but I don't encourage anyone to follow suit ... I push them in Grumpy's direction." he smiles at me "I'm looking out for my kids future."
I didn't know he had any kids, when I asked him he says he hasn't yet, his first one is on it's way, its due in three months time. That felt like a punch in the stomach ... just about the time mine should have been due.
We stand chatting for ages, I'm a little amused that I now keep forgetting who he is for small periods of time then it comes slamming back and I start feeling nervous and star struck again ... oh berry ... Mulberry would be so jealous right now!! and so would Prelude for that matter.
He asked me about my guitar, because you don't see them often and definitely not busking in the park, and we had quite a laugh after I told him how much I'd paid for it and how I'd actually gotten it out of the green shop, I think it amused him more for the fact that Grumpy had broke his neck to buy Rocky's as it was originally red, his guitar has had a spray job too, and it cost him $15,000, Grumpy would be well pissed if he knew I'd only paid $300 for mine and it was just sat in a second hand green shop that Grape could have just walked into being green himself.
"So are you going to give that song a go for me?" he says smiling, I told him I would, obviously I didn't want to miss an opportunity like this ... I'm interested to see if I'm actually capable of doing it and also what happens to this song if I mix it up and it does get released ... and he's definitely got me thinking about TRYING to write my own music.
We exchange phone numbers ... he had to put his number into my phone, he says he'll probably tag along with Grumpy tomorrow night when he pops into work to see me, then he shoots off because he's got an interview and photo shoot with one of the big Rock magazines.
He leaves me standing there in a total daze, firstly that Grape really does seem to be serious about this and I'm still staring down at the CD case, not quite believing any of what just happened actually did happen.
River was not impressed over the homeless girl situation like I knew he wouldn't be, but like everyone else, he knows that I did the only thing I could do ... I couldn't have just left her there to fade once I'd found her and the hospital wouldn't have treated her. They are all hoping that when she is well enough she will just take herself off back to how she is used to living ... on the streets, which I don't like one little bit, River doesn't like it very much either, but its the best thing for us right now, having her hanging around especially if I take her out, will just draw attention to us, attention that we really can't afford.
"Can't we send her to Sugar Valley ... she would be treated better there" he rolls his eyes at me
"Tap you've seriously got to stop this!! You can't fix everyone's problems, we have enough of our own right now don't you think!! I'm going to get very angry with you if you bring anymore strays home!!" I pull faces at him because he's starting to talk to me like I'm a naughty child, just the way that Dad does. "Anyway I doubt she'll want you to fix her problems!! Living on the streets is all she's known since she was a small child ... You need to let this one go Tap!!"
"Only because she hasn't been given a choise!!" I snap at him "You know she wouldn't have been treated like this in Sugar Valley!!" he starts rolling his eyes at me again. I just stand there quietly while he is having a go at me, not really liking what he is saying.
"I hope you are keeping well away from Grape Orchid!!" I start laughing and tell him he's the very least of my worries right now, he eyes me suspiciously, asking me what I've done now!! Oh ye of little faith!!
We sat for hours talking after I'd told him about Grape and Rocky ... I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head at one point. He knows as well as I already do ... this is one very big problem that we really could do without!! If there is anything that is going to expose our whereabouts, this is definitely it!!
We are stranded here for at least another eight to twelve weeks so this will need sorting out before it gets out of hand ... if I continue to hang about especially with Rocky the paparzzi only have to catch a picture of me with Rocky, like they could very well have done this afternoon in the park, and I may as well just put a advert in the paper telling everyone where I am.
One thing he has made very clear I'm to try and avoid both Grape and Rocky as much as possible until he's had time to think ... phone Dad more like ... but I didn't say anything. He thinks I should definitely stop busking in the park and he wants me to quit my job, he says I don't need to work.
This caused another argument, I can live without busking, but I don't want to quit my job, I've got visions of him confining me to the house next, and I'm not having it!!.
When I return home from the hospital I go straight to my room, throwing myself on the bed and I feel like crying ... so I do ... I let the tears start rolling down my face.
I now totally know where Mosaic is coming from ... a few months ago I would have been happy spending my life just playing piano's in bars and doing other stuff musically around Sugar Valley to earn a living, it is all I thought I was capable of. Now Grape and Rocky have shown me there is a whole new future that I could have and am probably capable of ... only I can't have it ... because I'm a mixed berry with a colourless Mother from Sugar Valley, hiding out and on the run from a bunch of blood suckers and the police.
I want something that I can't have ... and I know Dad can't even fix this one for me!! So now, just like Mosaic, I'm going to spend my future sat in Sugar Valley resenting what I am, because I can't have what I want and what I could just grab so easily because Grape is there throwing it at me ... throwing at me the chance of a music career that a lot of people chase their whole life and never get the chance of.
My medical conditions, Storm, Honey, the babies, the vampberries, having to be away from home ... now this ... why is my life always so unfair?!
The girl in front of me is also upsetting me ... when she wakes up if it's what she wants I've just got to let her go ... back to the life of living like an animal on the streets, back to the torment she's been having just because she's colourless. How am I going to sleep at night letting her go back to that when I can do something about it ... but I can't do anything about it because it will attract attention to us ... the wrong sort of attention that River says can get us all into a lot of trouble.
If she lived in Sugar Valley she could have a much better life, she would be treated better, they wouldn't let her live on the streets like they do here ... but there is no way of getting her there right now.
Too busy lost in my thoughts and self pity, I lie there letting the tears roll down my face, I haven't even noticed that she is now awake, her eyes are open and her head is turned in my direction, she's lay there silently watching me. She starts to cough which makes me glance at her.
"You again!!" she says which makes me laugh. "You cry a lot!" She says before she starts coughing again, when she goes quiet she continues to silently stare at me. I stay where I am staring back at her too scared to move and wandering when she's seen me crying before, then I remember sitting outside the hospital on the bench crying for the whole world to see.
I just lie there for a while, worried if I move it might provoke her into running, then I remember what Denim had said about her being too weak to walk let alone run. I know I can't lie here all night so I start to sit up slowly expecting her to scream or try to get up but she doesn't move.
"Please don't scream and definitely don't try to run off, you'll pull the drip out of your hand and trust me it will hurt!!" she carries on just watching me not reacting to me speaking to her. "I'm not going to hurt you ... I just want to show you something." I tell her as I reach across my bed and into my draw pulling out the photograph of my family, all the time I'm keeping my eye on her and moving slowly so I don't frighten her.
I need to get her to trust me and there is only one way I think I can do it.
I hold the photograph out to her as I slowly inch closer, she snatches it off me and studies it. I see her eyes widen in amazement as she draws the photograph right up close to her face, then she moves it away and starts rubbing at the photograph quite madly, when I lean closer I can see she's rubbing my Mom's image. I don't think she can believe what she sees and even that there might be something there that she can rub off, she turns the photograph over to look at the back before she looks back at the front of it again.
"That's my Mom ... she is colourless like you" I tell her and she glances at me, I point to myself on the picture "and that's me." she glances up at me and starts shaking her head.
"Orange eyes ... that's not you!!" she says looking back at the photograph bringing it close to her face again. I smile at her and take my glasses off then remove the orange contacts, praying that Denim doesn't walk into the room. I hold out the orange contact on the tip of my finger but she's not interested in looking at it, too busy staring at my eyes. She grabs my jacket quite roughly and pulls me closer and stares into my eyes for a moment before she pushes me away just as roughly.
"You have colourless eyes!!"
Well I now know she's not colour blind, I had wandered if the combination of the colourless and colourblind eyes might be what makes me see spirits. Mom, Affair, Mosaic and Coral are the only ones with colourless eyes but none of them are colourblind or see spirits, I'm the only one colourblind and seeing spirits. I thought if this girl is colourblind too that might confirm what I thought, but I'm wrong, it can't be that at all. She has the colourless eyes but she's not colourblind but she can still see spirits.
"Yes like yours ... my eyes are a secret you can't tell anyone about them!!" I say to her as I start putting my orange contacts back in, she is still staring at me wide eyed as she watches me. "I need to put that photograph away too ... that's also a secret!!" I say to her thinking I have to put it away before Denim comes in and sees it, or I'm going to have a lot more explaining to do.
She hands the photograph back to me and smiles at me. Oh berry!! That smile just killed me ... what the hell is wrong with me!! She made me think about Fern and the first time she smiled at me, I get lost in my own thoughts for a moment remembering how I walked into the school lockers and made a right fool of myself.
"What are they called?" she asks frowning and pointing at my face, I frown back not quite sure what she is pointing at. "Those things on your face! what are they?" I point at my glasses and laugh as she nods her head. I tell her glasses ... is she simple?! How does she not know what glasses are?! She tells me to take them off because she doesn't like them, she doesn't look too happy when I tell her I can't take them off because I can't see without them.
"Why am I here?" she says now looking around the room wide eyed, she looks at her hand following the line up to the bag of fluid. She suddenly starts coughing again quite badly. I try to help her sit up a little, and she doesn't fight me or try to pull away like I thought she might. I tell her she's sick, she's got a chest infection but because she's malnourished it's made it worse because her body couldn't fight it properly. She smiles at me before she starts coughing again. "What's that?" she asks pointing at the bag of fluid. So I explain its to help feed her and build her up, to make her body stronger ... I'm just repeating what Winter had said to me.
She starts to amuse me then she keeps pointing at different things in the room, asking "What's that?" like a child who's never seen something before. Stupid things like the computer, the stereo, the television, she says she's never seen them before, she wanted to know what they do so I have to show her, all but the computer because I don't us them. She nearly jumps out of her skin when I turned the television on, she sits there wide eyed staring at it ... I don't know how she's never seen a television before!!
I ask her what her name is, she tells me Crystal.
The door opens and Winter walks in "Tap you should have told me she is awake!" she says as she approaches the bed smiling at Crystal who suddenly curls herself into a ball and tries to move away from Winter, she looks terrified "It's okay I am not going to hurt you ... now you are awake we can take the drip out of your hand."
Winter starts reaching for her hand and Crystal starts to scream, loudly, Winter backs away from her quickly. The door bangs open and Denim rushes in, probably because he's heard the screaming, this just makes Crystal scream even louder. Oh Fudge!!
I rush over to her, thinking she'd probably carry on screaming even more, but strangely she stops and grabs me trying to cling onto me "Tell them to go away!!" she says trying to hide her face under my jacket like a scared child. I hear Denim laughing "Tell them to go away!!" she says again and I can feel her shaking.
"Crystal they are not going to hurt you!!" she looks up at me wide eyed for a moment "Winter has been looking after you, she's a doctor." she shakes her head and tries to hide herself again "You have to let her take the drip out of your hand ... I don't know how to do it." she carries on shaking her head.
Crystal won't let Winter anywhere near every time she tries to get close to her she starts screaming the house down. I look at Winter, she explains she'll take the needle out when she's not so frightened. She tells me how to pull out the line and close it off. Crystal sits clinging onto me until well after Winter and Denim leave the room.
"Why are you so scared of everyone?" I ask and she says the only time anyone comes anywhere near her normally is to hurt her, she doesn't trust anyone. "So why do you trust me?"
"Your eyes and nobody has ever wanted to talk to me before or give me money!!" she says as she starts to look around the room awkwardly "I need to go outside!!" she says as she tries to get up, I think she's trying to do that runner like they have all predicted. I tell her she can't go anywhere, she's too sick to go out "I need to pee." she says which makes me laugh ... and she thought she had to go outside to do it!!
"I'll take you to the toilet." I know I'll have to do it, I doubt she will let Winter anywhere near her. Crystal frowns at me but she doesn't say anything, I help her too her feet and she stands there quite wobbly while I hold her up, I end up carrying her because she's still weak.
Taking her into the bathroom was comical to start with, she stands looking around the bathroom "I need to pee" she keeps saying looking confused, she's staring down at the tiles on the floor and I think for a moment that's where she thinks she's got to do it ... on the floor?!
I point to the toilet and she frowns at it asking what she's supposed to do with that. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, how can she not even know what a toilet is or how to use it?! I really needed Winter here I shouldn't have to be doing this.
"What's that?" she asks pointing at the toilet roll on the wall. I have to explain the basics of how to use the toilet including the toilet paper as she's a girl which is a little embarrassing for me ... I'd hardly got the words out of my mouth when her underwear is down round her ankles, which she frowns at, and she sits down on the toilet ... I shout at her, in shock, telling her to wait for me to leave the room as I quickly spin round away from her ... she asks why? ... then uses the toilet anyway.
"When does this paper stop?" she says Oh Fudge!! I turn round nervously to look and she's just pulling the roll out continuously and there is quite a pile of paper gathering up on the floor I end up having to stop her and give her some toilet paper ... this isn't happening!!
She's worse than a child!!
"How do you seriously not know how to use a toilet?" she says she doesn't remember using one before as she was too young and has spent too many years on the streets just peeing in the woods. She stands up just staring down at the underwear round her ankles like she doesn't know what to do with them either, I tell her to just pull them up ... I'm sure as hell not doing it for her!!
She nearly jumps out of her skin when I flush the toilet, she's mesmerized staring into the toilet with fascination as she's watching the water with her eyes wide, she tries to put her hand into the toilet and touch the running water and I have to shout at her to stop and explain that toilets are not very hygienic. This girl seriously knows nothing ... I dread to think what else she doesn't know!!
"What's that?" she says pointing at the shower. I stand staring at the expression on her face ... it's almost like she's got the mind of a toddler in the body of a woman. How has she managed to keep herself alive for so long. She must have lived like an animal ... at least she can talk and seems to understand what I'm saying even though I've noticed she's very childish when she speaks.
I end up having to carry her out of the bathroom, she didn't want to leave too busy trying to play with everything and asking what everything is and what it does. She saw herself in the mirror and nearly jumps out of her skin again before she starts touching the mirror, then tries to pull it forcefully off the wall to look behind it ... she is seriously acting like she has never seen any of these things before.
Oh Berry I can see this is going to be fun ...
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