Chapter 20 - Gen 2 - Tapestry

Totally shutting myself away from the world was the only way that I could find to deal with it.

My grief ... if that is what it was.

I have never felt that low in my life before and finding out that Winter is pregnant had just bought it all slamming back to me harder than I've ever felt it before ... but I don't think it was just Honey and the babies, it was everything ... being away from home, being in a strange place with a strange woman that I'd only just met and missing River not being here didn't help either.

Every time I closed my eyes and tried to sleep I was dreaming about Honey or having nightmares about that night in the vampberry den, we have been drained so many times in my sleep ... I was beginning to get too scared to sleep. While Honey and the vampberrys were stalking my every dream, the babies, which is what hurts the most, were stalking my every waking minute ... so I couldn't win either way ... something was always lurking there to get me.

The mental pain numbed my brain, the physical pain numbed my body and all I could do was lie on my bed constantly crying, wallowing in my own self pity, wanting and waiting for it to all go away.  It was the strangest feeling, not having the energy or will to do anything, just to lie there doing absolutely nothing for days on end yet I didn't find myself getting bored.  I didn't know how I was ever going to feel normal again?!

For nearly two weeks I only left my room to venture as far as the bathroom, refusing to speak to anyone, especially not Winter, who tried to get me to speak to both Dad and River on the phone quite a few times, but I just lay there ignoring her until she gave up and left me alone.  She brought me food which I didn't eat, the only thing I did do was take my medication and drink milkshake.

Most of the time I just lay staring at the wall trying not to think about the things upsetting me, but of course I couldn't at first, they kept stalking me constantly ... they just wouldn't leave me alone.

As the days went on I found it got a little easier each day until I could start thinking about other things in among the things upsetting me ... especially that homeless girl on the bench outside the hospital ... the girl who can also see and hear Storm ... now I can't stop thinking about her, for the last two days she is all that I can think about ... I really need to find her.

The bedroom door opens and in comes Winter again.

Winter had really been getting on my nerves over the past few weeks, when all I wanted was to be left completely alone with my thoughts, she kept coming in here any chance she seemed to get ... I didn't want to keep seeing her baby bump, it was seriously not helping me ... it still doesn't ... but I know I have no choice but to learn to live with it ... it is happening and it is never going to change anything for me trying to avoid it!!  Even Storm during those two weeks had taken the hint and was giving me plenty of space ... so I don't know why she didn't.  I suppose she couldn't just leave me in here to rot, she had to keep checking on me, I just wished she had done it quietly, she never stops rabbiting the whole time she's in here.

I close my eyes when I hear the door open thinking here we go again!!

"I wandered what you had done with these."  she says as I hear a loud thud on the floor.

I hear her opening draws and wander what she's doing so I open my eyes to look.  I see she has one of our bags that still has all of Rivers things in, I'd put them in the empty spare room, out of the way, I had meant to tell her, but I'd completely forgotten about them.  She is now moving my clothes around, putting them all into one set of draws.  What is she doing?  She starts putting Rivers clothes away in the set of draws she's just emptied of my clothes.

"Even though Mango will be sleeping in my room EVENTUALLY his clothes and everything have to stay in here, to make it look like he lives in this room with you, not mine ... the colour code, it's ridiculous!!"  she says and laughs, I'm glad someone agrees with me  "It has to look like you both live in this room, and when he comes out of the hospital he will have to stay in this room until he is back on his feet again anyway."  she surprises me by saying that.  "He will need to lie perfectly still, he doesn't need me fidgeting about all night, which I will be doing because this little one keeps playing football with my insides."

She walks out once she's finished putting his clothes away but leaves the door wide open.  She's back in a short time carrying two more bags.  She looks likes she struggling, I shouldn't let her carry heavy bags but she's plonked them down on the floor before I can even react ... she starts laughing when she opens one of the bags up.

"I might have known!!"  she carries on laughing  "Mango and his books!!"  she drags the bag, rather than carrying it, over to the bookcase and starts to remove all of the books from the bags onto the carpet.  "This is going to take ages!!"  she says as she sits down on the carpet and starts looking at the book covers, moving the books around on the bookcase and slotting in books here there and everywhere, I can't work out what she's doing, but I don't need to ask because she tells me anyway  "If they are not in alphabetical order he'll have a freddy fit!!"  she laughs.

I almost laugh with her because my Dad is exactly the same, how strange is that, especially as they have never met each other, River is probably more like Dad than any of us and we are the ones who have grown up around him!!  "Which reminds me I have to take him some new books in today, I also need to go shopping, he's given me a list as long as my arm, new books that he wants."  I wander why she keeps talking to me when I completely blank her and never answer her, this is what she has done for the whole two weeks and at times she's driven me almost insane with her constant rambling.  She goes quiet for ages but I can hear her still plonking books on the shelf.  "Well the rest will have to stay in the bag for now, it looks like we need ANOTHER bookcase!!" she laughs as she stands up.  "Berry help our house in Sugar Valley, it is going to be one big bookcase!!"

She leaves the room again and brings in the last two bags.  She starts to place all of River's shoes under the unused bed, his socks, underpants and his toiletry stuff in the two draws next to the empty bed.

I look at the last bag to be unpacked with amusement, I know it is our dirty washing bag, which is quite full as the last few places we stayed in didn't have a launderette and we didn't bother to go looking for one in the towns we were staying in. I actually laugh out loudly knowing that bag is going to be humming, its been shut up for two weeks, it's bound to stink. She looks up at me for a second, probably because it's been the first sound she's heard coming out of my mouth for two weeks, she smiles at me before she opens the bag  ... she quickly takes a step backwards when the smell hits her nose which makes me laugh again.

"Wow!!  Men and their stinky feet!!"  she says choking as she quickly zips the bag shut again.  "You might have warned me, you knew that was going to happen didn't you!!!"  she starts laughing at me.

Winter seems to be distracted by something as she looks past me and starts frowning, she walks towards the bedside table, I see she is looking at the photo of my family that I had pinned onto the wall only earlier on today.  She takes it down carefully and stands staring at it.

"Wow!!  Mango really does look like his Dad doesn't he!!"  she carries on staring down at the photo for a while longer, "I've seen a picture of Maizie and I can not see any of her in him at all!!"  then she totally surprises me by sitting down on the bed by me, I feel uncomfortable lying behind her so I sit up next to her and look at the photo.  She smiles at me.

"Isn't that mad, I had never seen a colourless person up until a few weeks ago, now I've seen two ... the homeless girl and now your Mother"  I wander if she is talking about the girl I chased outside the hospital, the girl who see's spirits like me, I thought she might be colourless  "Now I see where you get your thinness from, your Mother."  she laughs  "Its nice to put faces to names, Mango has talked about Coral and Mosaic quite a lot but I've never seen them."  I wander for a moment how Mom has taken the news about River beind Dad's son, I wander if she is happy or unhappy about his existence and if it has caused or will cause problems for her when we get home?   "Don't you have another sister? she's not on this photo."  she looks at me

"Yes Cotton, she is only a baby, that was taken before she was born."  she asks me what colour she is  "She's exactly the same as me ... orange with colourless eyes."  I tell her and she frowns as she stares back down at the photo again.

"Where does the purple come from it's confusing me."  so I explain to her that my Mother should be purple like the rest of her family and her children should have been all purple, but nobody understands why we have all got colourless eyes.  "So your Moms family is all purple and your Dads is all orange?" she asks.

"No, my Dad looks like a pure orange berry but my Gran is a mixed berry, purple and yellow I think, I can't remember."  I see her frown at me  "I'm colourblind remember."  she smiles at me  "You know my Granddad and Dad are also colourblind, it is hereditary ... River's baby might get it too being a boy, it's rare for girls to inherit it ... Coral, Mosaic and River escaped it ... I think I got everything!!"  I laugh for a moment, because while I got all the medical problems they didn't get any.

Her eyebrows raise and I see her stroking the baby bump.  I wander what she is thinking, I am surprised by the question she does ask  "What is Maizie like?  Mango hardly wants to talk about her, he hates her! ... is she really that bad?!"

"You are asking ME?!"  I laugh at her  "Remember Maizie helped my so called Aunt Manderine to snatch me and Honey... I'm the last person to give her a character reference, besides I hardly know her, I'm still struggling to get my head around Dad and Maizie being together ... maybe you should ask my Dad, better still Jazz, he lives with her ... you talk to him don't you?!"  I know she must because it's Jazz's phone that everyone has to use to keep contact.  She rolls her eyes at me and says she has to speak to Jazz to get to speak to my Dad, but she's far from happy about it.  "You know for a vampberry, Jazz is actually okay ... surprisingly I like Jazz ... even if he does make me nervous!!"

She stands up and smiles down at me "I'm sorry Tapestry, but you will have to keep this photograph hidden in a draw, it's on display and if anyone walks into this room and see's it ..."  she smiles at me again and I just stare blankly back at her because the way she is carrying on you'd think the colour code police actually come round checking your houses for signs of colour mixing!! "I'll just put it in here for you." she says as she opens my top draw and places in gently inside before closing it.

"The homeless girl on the bench at the hospital ... was she colourless?"  I ask her

"Yes she was ... talking about the hospital ... Mango is missing you, you should come with me later, he needs cheering up, he is going crazy in that place!!"  I tell her I'll go with her later, I have actually been missing him too, in the short time we have been together we have become very close, and it feels really strange him not being here.  She grins at me and says she'll make us something to eat and walks out of the room taking the empty bags with her.

I just sit laughing at myself after she's gone, she has got me talking again without me even realizing it.  All the time we were talking I have been feeling okay and almost normal ... it's made me realize that I have to snap out of it and occupy my mind and get myself out.  I am starting to get sick of these four walls anyway ... I have to find that homeless girl or she will start driving me crazy.

Winter comes back after a while, she brings in a tray like she has been doing twice a day while I've been shut away in here.  I'm quite amused that she's brought me hamburgers, my favourite, and milkshake along with my medication.  There is also a phone on the tray, I frown at it, thinking she might be about to get me to phone my Dad or River now that I'm talking again.  She says its my phone, River had ask her to get me a phone but she just hasn't had a chance to give it to me. She told me hers and Rivers numbers are in the phone, she smiles at me and goes out.  I wander why I don't get Jazz's phone number so that I can contact Dad?

I stare down at the phone for a moment and pick it up, I suppose I should phone River, I really shouldn't have blanked him like I have over the past few weeks, especially as he is in that hospital because of me.  I'm not good with phones.  I need someone to show me how to get into the phone numbers so I put it back down on the tray picking up the burgers then flick on the television and throw myself on the couch and start watching a film as I eat the burgers.  Storm comes floating through the wall.

"Oh so we are back in the land of the living then?"  he says as he sits down beside me "Are you feeling better or is this what you do when you think nobody is looking?"

"I'm not a faker ... unlike you Storm!!"  he just frowns at me as he sits down beside me  

"So what have you been doing for the past two weeks?"  I ask him through a mouthful of burger, he tells me he's been wandering around checking town out mainly.  "So do you know your way around the place?" he says pretty much, I look at him for a moment, I need to get something off my chest that has been playing on my mind for the past few days  "Did you find any gay bars?"  I ask him and sit watching the expression on his face which changes dramatically.

"WHAT?!"

"What was all that crap about you thinking Winter is fit and you liking Honey ... was that just a cover up, to hide what you really are ... because now I come to think about it, you never have had a girlfriend have you!?"  he just sits looking at me saying nothing  "I don't want your bullshit either, Bayleaf told me about you and him!!"

"Why did he tell you?"  he asks frowning at me

 "I couldn't quite work out why he was so cut up about you fading ... he was going crazy trying to hide it, once I started grilling him he caved in .... he needed to talk to someone and he thought you might have told me."  he just looks down and he isn't saying anything  "What I don't get is why you never told me ... why hide it from me? ... I was supposed to be your best mate, I thought we had no secrets ..."

"I didn't know how you'd take it!!"  he looks at me then

"I wouldn't have give a shit about you being gay!!"  I laugh at him "Is that why you was always so angry and looking for a fight all the time?"

"Yeah, you don't know how hard it is you're normal!!"  I laugh when he says that because I've always been far from normal!!  "I'm sorry ... Honey was just a smoke screen, I knew she couldn't see past you so she was the best one for me to use ... I was trying to make Dad think I was interested in girls ... we couldn't risk my Dad and Alpine finding out ... could you imagine what they would have said?!"  I laugh at him, yeah Prelude and Alpine finding out they have gay sons would have been an interesting one to watch!!  I doubt it would have gone down very well with either of them, they are both pretty hard men with big ego's.  "You won't tell my Dad will you?"  he looks worried which amuses me because he's faded what does it matter now?

"My lips are sealed ... but seriously, I doubt he'd believe me anyway!! Parsley yes, but not you!!"  he starts laughing knowing I'm probably right  "Did Parsley know?"  he shakes his head and told me he thinks Parsley might have been suspicious, but nobody actually knew but Bayleaf.

I get up off the couch and grab my guitar  "Come on .... we've got some hunting to do!!" he looks up and frowns at me  "That homeless girl who see's you ... I want to know why ... I don't suppose you've seen her on your travels?"  He says he hasn't.

I tell Winter I'll meet her at the hospital later, I'm going to the park to do some busking.  She is not happy about me going off wandering around town on my own, she thinks I might get lost, how can I tell her that I won't because Storm knows his way around. I remind her that I have a phone, she writes her address down on a piece of paper and watches me leave a worried look written all over her face.

Storm led the way to the park, surprisingly it wasn't too far away from Winters house.  I remember River telling me that homeless people tend to hang about parks a lot, they sleep on the benches, so I thought we'd hang around the park for a while to see if she turns up.  I am worrying, Winter who grew up in this town says she'd never seen her here before, Storm hasn't seen her over the past two weeks ... what if I've left it too long ... what if she was just passing through town ... she could be long gone by now and I'd never see her again.

I stand in the middle of the park and start playing my guitar, while Storm says he will go and have a look around, I laugh at him because it is not a very big park so unless she's hiding in the bushes I doubt he is going to find her, I look around the whole park from where I'm standing and I can already see she isn't here.  I notice I can see the hospital from here, which is handy.

My guitar playing started to attract quite a bit of attention, I guess because I'm somebody new and they have not seen me here before.  While the homeless girl is still at the back of my mind I get a little lost in the music as I watch the tips flying into my guitar case.

Without traipsing all over town, all I can do is hang around and see if she turns up. Storm says he'll go and check the hospital and cemetery while I hang around here and do some busking.  On the way here we have already planned to go out on a proper hunt tomorrow, so that I can check the town out and try to find where all the homeless people hang out ... hopefully we might bump into her somewhere.

A man standing watching me catches my attention, he seems a little out of place and way too overdressed to be in the park in an expensive suit and hat.  He just stands there for ages, way too long for my liking just studying me, his hands linked together in front of him and he's almost squinting at me ... he looks very strange.  At one point I felt like asking him if he has a problem.

After a while he approaches me, coming right up close, he throws a $20 note into my guitar case and carries on watching me up close, too close, he is starting to make me feel really nervous, while I'm thinking flash git standing there in his expensive suite throwing notes when people usually just throw coins.

"Very VERY nice guitar!!"  he says smiling at me, yeah it is and I bet he knows exactly what it is too by the look on his face as he stares at it.  "and you play it very well!!"  I just smile at him as I carry on playing but keep an eye on him, he's making me feel uncomfortable stood too close.

I wander if I should really be bringing this guitar out like this, I could quite easily get mugged for it because of how much it's worth, not that I think he would because he could probably afford to buy one judging by his appearance, but I think I'll bring the acoustic guitar out with me in future, just in case, I'd be totally gutted if anything happened to it.

"Can you sing?"  he asks me suddenly, so I laugh

"You want me to sing too?"  I laugh at him  "Is the guitar playing not enough ... "  he just laughs at me "So what would you want me to sing?"  I ask him sarcastically ... I've done loads of busking back home, but this is the first time any one has asked me to sing.

"That's kind of you to offer ... you sing anything you like ... I don't mind."  he says ... I think you cheeky git, I don't really want to sing and he's just made it sound like it was my idea!!!  I bet he think's he's just bought me with his poxy $20 note!!!

I run my hand across the strings angrily and stop playing the song I'm playing, smile at him sarcastically then start playing a different song which I start singing to.  He just stands there smiling at me, hands linked in front of him again.  I hope he's going to clear off after this song, I really don't like him. Just as I'm finishing the song ...  "Sing another one."  he says I feel like telling him to get lost and I nearly did.

"One more pal and that's your lot!!"  he just laughs at me as I start singing again.  When the second song is sung out I carry on playing a different song without singing, I smile at him sarcastically again and watch him start fumbling about in his pocket, he pulls out a card which he holds out to me.

"I've got the perfect job for you."  he says still holding the card out to me, I look at the card and all the letters on it start jumping out at me. When I carry on playing without taking it off him he laughs again quite loudly and throws it into my guitar case  "Give me a call tomorrow son, you won't regret it."  he smiles, tips his hat at me then walks away.

Creep!!  I think as I watch him wandering away across the park.

I spot what looks like a homeless tramp wandering over to one of the benches, so I forget about the flash git and keep my eye on him while I carry on playing, he sits down on the bench watching me for a while then he lies down.  Just looking at him makes me really sad ... that is probably his bed for tonight, no blanket, what on earth do they do when its cold, raining and snowing?  How do they survive the winter?

I see Storm coming across the park, he shakes his head at me, he hasn't found her, so I look over towards the homeless guy lying on the bench again, he's actually lying there still watching me, he has his eyes open.  I suspect the best person to ask the whereabouts of a homeless person is another homeless person, I should imagine they must all know each other.

I pack up my guitar, putting all my tips and the card into my pocket and make my way over to the the guy lying on the bench.  He looks up at me as I approach him, he doesn't move until I take some money out of my pocket and hold it out in front of him.  He sits up then, looking up at me, taking the money out of my hand.

"Thanks mate!!"  he says and smiles at me.  "I appreciate it!!"

"There is a homeless girl ... she's colourless ... I don't suppose you know where she hangs out?"  I ask him and he frowns at me.

"What do you want with her ... has she stole something from you?"  I laugh at him

"Yeah you could say that ... do you know where she is?"  I suppose that is as good an excuse as any to use for looking for her.  He pats the bench for me to sit down next to him which I find very strange.  I can see the sadness in his eyes, he looks old and tired in the face, although I suspect he is not actually that old.  He stinks to high heaven he could really do with a good wash, nobody should be out here living like this!!  I almost want to take him home.

"We steer clear of that one ... and I suggest that you do the same!!"  he says to me so I ask him why  "Well because she is colourless obviously!!"  I'm thinking What The.Fudge???!!!  What difference does it make if she is colourless?!  "She's a flighty one that one, she is usually where we aren't because we don't have anything to do with her, so ... she could be anywhere?"

"Is she always in this town? ... have you seen her lately?"

"Yeah she's been running these streets since she was a small child ... I saw her about ten minutes ago behind the dive bar on Main Street scavenging in the bins for food, but she'll probably be long gone by now, she doesn't hang around in busy areas for very long."

Great she is still around ... Scavenging in the bins for food ... that is gross ... is that really how they have to live?  Why didn't he tell me he'd just seen her when I first asked.  I thanked the guy and gave him some more money, I went to get up but thought I'd ask him one more question.

"If you don't mind me asking ... how did you become homeless?"  he smiles at me and doesn't say anything at first, he just looks really sad for a moment like he's just remembered something that has upset him.

He told me his story and by the time he'd finished I really felt like crying for him.  He used to have a good life, his own house, a good job, a wife and three children ... then one day his world fell apart.  His wife and children were all faded in a car accident, he was at work at the time.  He couldn't cope it hit him really hard and he started drinking, before he knew it he had lost his job, so he couldn't pay the bills especially the mortgage on his house which the bank eventually repossessed and he was left with nothing.  He tried to pull himself together but it was way too late to save himself.

"I know I did it to myself, I put myself here, but I had good reason, you can't even imagine what it's like losing your whole family like that!!  We are all happily sat eating breakfast together, me and my wife had big dreams for our children's futures, a few hours later I get a phone call at work and they are all gone and I'm left alone everyday knowing that my kids are never going to get to grow up and fulfill those dreams, they were too young to fade and all because some drunk got behind the wheel of his car!!"  he looks almost like he's about to cry ... like he still hasn't got over it  "You know the ironic thing ... that drunk, he has a better life than me right now ... he has three square meals a day and the prison roof over his head, I just have the stars and a few scraps if I'm lucky!!"

"Don't you have any friends or family who can put you up?"

"Not now ... my parents both faded years ago from old age and I was an only child ... my wife and kids were all the family that I had.  As for friends .... It's amazing how your friends slowly turn their backs on you when all you need is a little help, I kipped on a few mate's sofa's, but they soon get fed up, they have their own lives to live which is understandable, in the end it was just easier for me not to trouble them with my problems, they now pass me by in the street like they don't even know me ... that really hurts!!"  he's really making me choke up  "Once you lose that roof over your head it gets very hard ... the whole of society turns there back on you!!  Without a job you can't put a roof over your head, you need an address to get employment ... who would want to employ me anyway, I can't even keep myself clean!!  It's like a vicious circle, once you are down here there is no getting out of it!!"

"Aren't there any places that feed you and give you shelter?"  he frowns at me for a moment

"If only there were places like that ... then maybe we might stand a chance of getting ourselves out of this rut."  he says and smiles at me

"I'm sorry, where I come from we don't have homeless people on the street, I didn't even know people like you existed until a few months ago ... I can't get my head round it especially how you cope in the winter or if you get sick?"  he laughs at me,

"The winter months and illness are what finish us all off in the end ... most of the time way before our time, age is just a number when you live on the streets ... we are just left out here to rot, if we get sick we just have to sit it out and hope it doesn't finish us off ... truthfully there is only one way out of this rut ... and for me the quicker it comes the better!!"

I sit there just looking at him for ages, a lump in my throat, I seriously don't know what to say, it must be bad if he has to think there is only one way out ... fading ... and he wants it, that's even worse!!

I walk away from him feeling like shit just for having clean clothes on my back!!

Storm knows Main Street luckily so I follow him silently, walking with my head down not really paying attention to where we are going, I really can't get what the homeless guy had just told me out of my head.  We don't have too far to walk as Main Street is only a few streets away from the park.

We walk out onto a very busy street and I am quite surprised by the amount of people walking around, all the streets of Sugar Valley are always pretty quiet, so this for me is quite an experience.  I look around at all the shops and bars that stretch out in front of me, its just a busy bustle of noise as people are walking around in all directions as they go about their business ... this town is really going to take quite a bit of getting used to for me.

There is more than one bar on this street ... Great!!

We walk up and down the road checking around all of the bars and shops especially those that sell food ... there is only one bar that could actually be describe as being a dive bar on this street, so I wander if this is the one the guy in the park meant ... I wander now why I didn't ask him his name.

 We couldn't see her anywhere, I ask a few other homeless people that we spot along the way but none of them said that they have seen her recently ... I was beginning to wander if the guy in the park hadn't been having me on.

"Well she's not here!!"  Storm says to me as we check round the back of the last building in the row.  We have been up and down the street twice, and not found her ... it's like hunting for a needle in a haystack, and this is only one street ... I don't know how I'm ever going to find her!!

The homeless guy in the park was right about one thing, we did see a few homeless people rummaging through the bins looking for food ... it totally turned my stomach just the thought of them having to stoop so low as to have to eat food that has been put into a bin with berry knows what else.  I couldn't help it I had to stop them and give them money for some proper food, most of them looked at me at first like I was the mad one!!

This colour coded world is seriously messed up!!!

These people wouldn't be left to live like this in Sugar Valley!!

"I'm going to need to get a job at this rate these homeless folk are bleeding me dry and I can't keep asking River for money!!"  I can't help but think if I don't learn to stand on my own two feet I might end up like them one day, Dad and River are not going to be around forever!!  Storm laughs at me as I look through the window of a bar we are just walking past ... I spot a piano sat in the corner of the bar and it gives me an idea.  "Maybe I should ask in these bars .. I might find some piano work like that place on the road."

"They don't ask you for the money Tap, you are just stupid enough to keep giving it to them!!"  I can't help it I feel sorry for them they all look so thin and hungry and they shouldn't have to live like that!!  I tell Storm to follow me and I go to walk into the bar but he stops me, grabbing my arm, reminding me I arranged to meet Winter, and I'm getting late, so we had to go straight to the hospital.

After spending a few hours visiting River, I left the hospital telling Winter I'd walk home, on the way back I'm popping into a few of the bars to see if I can find some piano work.  She looked surprised but wasn't happy about letting me go, still not sure that I would find my way home, I reminded her I'd found my way to the hospital okay, I have a phone, the address in my pocket, if I do get lost I'll flag down a cab, told her to stop treating me like a child and I walked off before she could say anything else.

Me and Storm walk out of the hospital, I didn't even think to check the benches where I'd first seen her, I would have just carried on walking away from the hospital in a world of my own, that homeless guy is still really playing on my mind.  Storm nudges me and starts laughing pointing in the direction of the benches without saying anything.   I spot her straight away, sleeping on exactly the same bench she had been lying on two weeks ago.

"Maybe this is where she always sleeps!!"  he laughs  Storm went and sat on the bench opposite while I walked up to her, this time I can see she really is asleep, I can hear her snoring quietly.  She looks even dirtier than she did the last time I saw her.

"Hey wake up"  I say to her quite loudly but she carries on sleeping so I shake her arm gently, she's cold and all I can feel is how thin her arm is, she is just skin and bone.  "Wake up sleepy head!!"  I feel sick as soon as the words leave my mouth ... why did I even say that ... that is what Honey always used to say to me when she was trying to wake me up.

Her eyes snap open suddenly and she just lies there looking up at me terrified.

"You again!!"  she snaps

We go through the same routine as before, I get the $20 that the flash git had thrown in my guitar case, out of my pocket and I hold it out to her, she snatches it off me, but I notice not so quickly this time, she doesn't take her eyes off me.

"What exactly do you want?"

"I just want to talk to you."

The homeless girl continues to stare up at me with wide eyes she looks completely terrified of me, anyone would think that I have been nasty to her, that I have threatened to beat her up or something, maybe that is actually what she is scared of.  I wander if she is this scared of everyone?

I tell her that I don't want to hurt her, all I want to do is talk to her, she lies there just staring at me like she is studying me, not moving or saying anything for ages.  I get a little tired of waiting for her to react so I decide to crouch down so that I'm more on her level.

She doesn't like it.

"Back off away from me or I'll scream!!!"  she snaps at me through gritted teeth, I do what she says even though I'm scared that she will run again, when I've moved quite a distance away from her she sits up very slowly not taking her eyes off me for a moment.  "Sit over there with your mate!!"

"Okay"  I say to her as I continue to back away from her holding my hands up "I'm not going to hurt you I just want to talk to you!!"  I repeat myself again as I sit down on the bench opposite her next to Storm like she wants me to.

She sits staring at me like I've gone mad.

"What's your name?"  I ask her

"Why do you want to know?"  she snaps at me  "and why do you keep giving me money?  What do you want from me?"

"I just want to talk to you ... the money is for food."  I'm beginning to wander what her problem is, you would think she'd just be grateful like all the other homeless people, they all snatch the money but most of them say thank you ... not that I want a thank you, but I don't understand her attitude or even why she's so scared.

"Why would you even want to talk to me?"  she frowns at me

"You can see and hear spirits ... ghosts ... just like I do, I've never met anyone else before who can see them, and I am wandering why we can see them when everyone else can't."  she starts laughing at me

"Are you mad?! Everybody can see ghosts!!"  she snaps at me quite nastily  "I am not stupid WHAT do you really want?"

Does she seriously believe that everyone can see them?!

"Look I seriously don't WANT anything but to talk about the ghosts ... "

I make the mistake of standing up, I was going to ask her if I can go and sit on the bench next to her, not really wanting to keep shouting our conversation across the pathway when people are walking past us all the time and can hear what we are talking about.

She jumps to her feet straight away and starts to run without another word.

I chase after her shouting for her to stop, but just like two weeks ago she has no intention of stopping or listening.  I chase her to the pavement, she runs across the road but I don't bother to chase after her any more ... imagining even if I do catch up with her, if I try to stop her she'll probably just scream the place down. So I just let her go.

What the hell is her problem?!  This is ridiculous!!

How am I ever going to pin this girl down long enough to talk to her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~