Chapter 33 - Gen 2 - Tapestry

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Vanilla starts screaming which jolts me awake really quickly.

I roll over and squint at the clock on the wall which says it is still only 6am.  I rub my tired eyes, a little irritated because I was up with Vanilla less than two hours ago.  I was not expecting her to wake up this early, I hoped she would not wake up for at least another few hours yet.  I get out of bed quickly and take Vanilla straight out of her cot, hoping to stop her crying quickly so that she does not wake Crystal up.

As soon as I pick Vanilla up she stops crying and stares up at me.  The little madam probably does not want feeding or a nappy change, she probably just wants some attention, while I just need more sleep!!  As I stand by her cot rocking her I stare over at Crystal, who is lay curled up on the bed, still fully clothed and fast asleep, she is actually snoring quietly.  I laugh at her.

Crystal has spent all night in my room, as she puts it, helping to keep the baby safe.  At first I slept on the couch, I did not think that she would let me share the bed with her.  Even though it is my bed and we have spent many nights sleeping in a single bed together in Rainbow Valley, because she always used to get into bed with me when she was having her bad dreams.  However, I was not sure if she remembers us sharing a bed before, so I did not push it.

I did actually struggled to sleep at first, being on the couch was pretty uncomfortable.  Also Strawberry trying to take Vanilla away the night before was really playing on my mind.  I just lay there at first, too scared to sleep, while I lay listening for the slightest noise, and when I did hear one it made me jumpy and had me sitting up worrying and waiting.  I even went upstairs a few times to make sure that the front and back doors were locked and bolted.  I have decided for my own piece of mind, I am going to get locks fitted to my bedroom doors.

Every time that Vanilla started to cry, during the night,  it was a race between me and Crystal as to who got to her first.  It amused me a little because even though I kept telling Crystal to go back to sleep, she insisted on staying awake with me while I did Vanilla's feeds and nappy changes.  I ended up having to let Crystal see to Vanilla a few times because she was getting a little ratty that I would not let her.  Crystal actually takes care of Vanilla quite well, which surprises me a little, she says that Winter showed her how to change nappies, feed, wind and bath Ocean and she has been helping Cherry and Affair to look after the triplets.  I really had to laugh at her when she told me that she loves babies and wants one of her own.

It was Crystal screaming, not Vanilla, that woke me up one time during the night.  She was having one of her bad dreams so I ended up sleeping on the bed with her.  Just like she had in Rainbow Valley, she wrapped herself around me and I had to hold her until she went to sleep.

I glance over at Crystal again and she is still fast asleep.  I start to tiptoe out of the bedroom quietly to let her get a little more sleep, she has been awake as much as I have during the night and I am shattered and feel like I have had hardly any sleep at all, so I guess she must be feeling the same.  She must be shattered because the slightest noise usually wakes Crystal up, Vanilla crying this time did not even make Crystal stir.

When I tiptoe sleepily into the kitchen, from my room, Vanilla starts to grizzle a little so I decide to try her with a bottle.  As I make my way over to the fridge, I am really very irritated to see that my Dad is camped out in my kitchen again, sat there drinking coffee and he has made waffles, which are sat steaming on the side.  He seems to be spending more time down here than he does upstairs in his own kitchen!!

"The kettle has not long boiled if you want to warm up that bottle."  he says to me.

"Is your kettle broken upstairs?"  I smile at him as I pour the boiling water into the jug that I have just place the cold bottle into.   "You know you do not have to keep on checking up on me ALL of the time!!  I am perfectly capable of looking after Vanilla!!"

"I know, but it is early days ...." 

I am not sure what he was going to say but he does not finish his sentence and changes the subject pretty quickly. He starts to explain that he is missing Mom, it is like a morgue upstairs, Cotton is on a sleep over at Affair's and my Grandparents are on nights so he is rattling around upstairs on his own and he is not used to it.  I guess it must be a little strange for him, this house is usually so busy, I have noticed myself how much quieter it is upstairs, especially now that Mosaic and Coral have moved out, there was always a stream of their friends here, when they lived here.  Mom not being here has not helped either, because there is always a rota of people around to sit with her, because of her black outs, while Dad is at work.

He tells me that Mom should be discharged later, so she should be home by tea time.  This I am glad about because then it might keep him off my back a little more.  He also warns me that my Granddad Orchid is being discharged from the hospital today, so he is about to land on us down here.  That is why my Grandmother Orchid has now moved in with Prelude because her ex husband will be living here.  This amuses me that they are refusing to live in the same house now, when they have lived together all the years they were married up until only recently, well nine months ago  - since Storms funeral and the day me and Honey were taken from the cemetery,  when my Grandmother Lavender stayed here and refused to return back to Rainbow Valley.

I am a little surprised when he pulls something out of his dressing gown pocket and hands me a set of what I can see are car keys which I just stare at in confusion for a moment, mainly because the key ring has a big T on it.  He tells me that they are my car keys.  I just stare at him wide eyed.  He has bought me a car - I am shocked!!  I am not sure what shocks me most, that he has actually brought me a car after he has done all this down here, or that he trusts me to drive at all!!  However, I should have known that there would be a catch and it was a little too good to be true.

"You do not drive that car until you have passed your test AGAIN in your real name!!"  he smiles at me as I pull a face at him, I had not even given that a thought.  "River will 'pretend' to give you a few driving lessons then you can put yourself in for your test."  he smiles at me  "If you do drive anywhere, you take either me, Sunny, Mulberry, Winter or River with you until you have officially passed your test!!  Remember as far as everyone is concerned you have never driven a car before."  I suddenly start laughing and he frowns at me.

"That is not strictly true is it, remember that time me and Storm lifted Preludes car keys"

"Don't even go there Tapestry!!"  I laugh at him as he washes up his mug.  "If you do not want me to carry on treating you like a child, don't act like one!"  he tuts  "If I catch you driving that car, without supervision, I will take those keys back off you until you have passed your test officially."

Vanilla starts to cry so I play with her a little bit while the bottle warms up some more.  I carry on laughing at the look on Dad's face, I almost suspect that he is testing me giving me the car keys.  I think he is going to be watching me, very closely, to see if I am actually listening to him or if I am going to misbehave like I would have done before.   In the past giving me car keys would have been like handing me a loaded gun and telling me not to pull the trigger, the minute his back was turned I would have done, just because he had told me not too. Now I am not so sure why I gained so much pleasure out of being so disobedient and winding him up by doing exactly the opposite of what he told me.

River walks into the kitchen, mumbling that he has had hardly any sleep all night because of crying babies and he is starving.  He grins at the waffles on the side and grabs a plate.  Dad tries to take Vanilla off me and says that he will feed Vanilla while I eat.  This amuses me because it is probably his crafty way of getting me to eat.  I tell him that I am not hungry and I will feed Vanilla, he just rolls his eyes at me, for once he does not argue with me.  Instead he makes us both a coffee, but he makes sure that he reminds me it should be my only one today.  River laughs suddenly.

"Actually, I disagree with that."  River mumbles  "Coffee actually helps to keep Tapestry a lot calmer with his condition.  He knows how to drink it in moderation."

Dad pulls a face and starts to carry on about coffee and blood pressure.  This sparks off a caffeine debate between the two of them and they start spouting their medical rubbish at each other.  They have me in stitches, especially Dad when he stops mid sentence, has a go at River for talking with his mouthful, then continues with what he was saying.  I watch them for a while with amusement, they are both so alike, only River is just a tad more open minded than Dad is, but only slightly.

"I am sick of the coffee debate already!!  While I have got you two here I need to ask you something."  I mumble trying to stop their medical debate, as I start to feed Vanilla.  They both frown at me, probably for interrupting their conversation.  "Has Jazz been messing in your heads, wiping memories away?"  they both look at each other a little awkwardly I think  "I do not want to know what he has wiped away.  Storm has told me you have both had something wiped ... It is important that I know if he actually has."  they both frown at me  "Dad I think you know why I am asking - the dream thing."

"Okay, yes, Jazz has wiped some stuff out of our heads why?"  Dad mumbles quietly

"I need to know if you are having strange dreams, that might actually be memories that Jazz might have wiped away."

They both look at me a little puzzled.  I think Dad is probably trying to think about his dreams, but River just does not have a clue what I am on about.  So I start to explain, more so to River, about Crystal's memory being erased of our time together in Rainbow Valley  However, her dreams are helping her to remember things that have been erased.  I tell them that, if the same thing is happening to them, then I think that there might be a flaw in the vampberry's memory wiping, that the vampberry's do not even realize themselves.

"You know I have been having some mad wakey dreams lately, especially about Maizie."  River starts laughing through a mouthful of food.  "I know that Lime faded her months ago, and you have not seen her since you were a teenager Tap, but I keep having dreams about you pulling a silly thumb sucking compelling prank on her when we were in the den, but you are an adult in my dream.  How stupid is that!!"  River looks up as he starts to point his fork at Dad while he is chewing food.  "Which reminds me, I know they have not found her body yet, but do you think we should get her a headstone."

I start to choke, then pretend I have got a cough when River frowns at me.  I thought I was the stupid one!!  He has just answered my question perfectly as well as told himself that his Mother is not faded!!  I am not sure he is even thinking about what he has just said properly.

"Okay River, he asked if you was having silly dreams, he did not want to hear them!!!  And that by the way is just that a stupid nonsense dream, not what Tapestry was talking about!!"

Dad laughs awkwardly and when I glance up at him, he is pulling sly faces at me.  I had forgotten that Dad did tell me that River had demanded that Jazz have Maizie faded in his head because he swore he wanted nothing more to do with her, because he was never going to the den again.  Jazz has rewrote his memory so he believes the lie that he told the police about Lime fading his Mother.  Yet he is, like Crystal, dreaming about something that actually did happen with Maizie, that he has had wiped from his memories.

"We will talk about a headstone for your Mother later."  Dad mumbles quietly.

Dad turns away from us and faces the wall while he washes his hands, probably for no other reason than to take himself away from the conversation and where River can not see the faces he is pulling.  I am finding it very hard not to laugh, and I would not be surprised if Dad is not doing the same.  For once I am not the idiot in the room, River is!!   He has answered my question though.  It appears that it is not just Crystal who is dreaming about memories that have been wiped away.  River obviously is and I think Dad hinted at it yesterday when I first spoke to him about it.

"Anyway, we have a problem, Crystal is remembering things that we don't want her too, through her dreams."  River rolls his eyes at me  "Like I have said, I think there is a flaw in the vampberry's memory wiping.  I think we should keep it to ourselves, the last people we should be telling is the vampberry's."

River puts his fork down noisily, it sounds almost like he has just dropped it on his plate.

"Oh Fudge!!  Tapestry, you are right!!  No, we can not tell Jazz!!  He is likely to come round here and fade Crystal to keep her quiet, especially about them.  Hell, Winter and Mulberry have had the vampberry's completely removed from their heads.  If Jazz knows that they might be dreaming and remembering, he might finish them off."

"Don't be so dramatic!!  Jazz is not like that, he wouldn't!!"  Dad says quite snappily as he turns round to face River.

"Dad, Trust me!!  Jazz is a vampberry - yes he would!!"  River mumbles  "He faded his own wife without a second thought to save his own skin, so don't think he would lose any sleep over Crystal, Winter and Mulberry or any of our feelings!!"  River frowns at Dad  "He is not the Jazz you used to know, you have to remember he is a cold hearted blood sucking creature now, and okay, he might have stuck his neck out a lot for us because of you and Sunny, because of your special friendship and he knows he can totally trust the pair of you to guard his secret, BUT I suspect he has stuck his neck out only because he thinks he has the capability of wiping memories away that will be forgotten for ever!!"

"River is right!!  If Jazz found out his memory wiping is not working, it will change everything!!"  I join in  "Storm has made me promise NOT to trust them, not even Jazz! or go anywhere near them without either him or Cosmic in tow!!  He also told me most DEFINITELY NOT to tell him about Crystal dreaming, because it could be putting us all in danger, exactly like River just said."   I pull a face  "I'll tell you something else too, Storm has warned me, Jazz has Storm and Cosmic watching me like a hawk.  If I blab about them to anyone outside of you, Sunny and River, they are to tell Jazz.  To their faces he is saying I will be getting a major rollocking for blabbing, behind their backs he is saying something totally different!!  Storm has overheard him talking to Omri on the sly, if I talk he will be finishing me off on the sly even behind Storm and Cosmics back!!  He seriously can not be trusted!!"  

I tell Dad, worrying that he might think we are over reacting and speak to Jazz about the dreams.  River squints at Dad as he tries to convince him that he seriously needs to keep his mouth shut.  Dad starts pulling faces at the pair of us, I think because he trusts Jazz just a little more than he should!!

Finally we manage to convince him and we agree to keep Crystals dreams to ourselves and we are to tackle the problem that we now have with Crystal remembering me being in Rainbow Valley ourselves.  All of the things that she is remembering I am to tell her they are just silly dreams, and that I have never been to Rainbow Valley. Dad thinks that when she starts filling her head with me here and a load of other memories she will soon stop dreaming about Rainbow Valley and over time it will be forgotten.  I just hope he is right!!

After she has been fed and winded I take Vanilla back into my room and leave Dad and River who have started talking their medical jargon again.  Vanilla has fallen asleep, so I place her down in her cot carefully so that I do not wake her up.  I glance over at Crystal who is still fast asleep and feel tired.  I decide to try and get a little more sleep while I can, so I lie down on the bed next to Crystal and close my eyes.

I am not sure how long I had been asleep for when I am woken by something touching my face.  I can feel fingers gently running across the skin on my face, carefully avoiding my bruises.  I know it is Crystal, I can feel my skin burning underneath her finger tips.  Her fingers run down my neck then across my chest.  I wander what she is doing and why?  When I feel her lips softly touching mine, my eyes spring open.

Crystal jumps back away from me. She is leaning over me and  looks a little scared, I am not sure that she expected me to open my eyes when she kissed me.  She sits there frozen like a timid mouse, like the day in Rainbow Valley when I turned my head and she kissed my lips by accident.  That time I had quickly moved her off me, pretending it had not happened.  This time I do not want to pretend like it did not happen.

I smile as I pull her towards me, she automatically tries to kiss me again and I do not stop her.

I start kissing her back.  My head switches off a little then, as we really start getting into the kiss, she is virtually lying on top of me now and it is driving me crazy, my hands start to travel slowly up her leg that is draped across me, up and under her top as I pull her closer.

She stops kissing me and pulls away as she sits up.  At first I thought I had gone too far and she is about to kick off at me, but she shocks me by moving herself so she is sat over me, she grabs the bottom of her top and pulls it off over her head.  She is now sitting over me wearing just her skirt and bra.  She runs her hand gently up my chest and onto my shoulders like she is trying to take my dressing gown off.  Does she even know what she is doing?  I wander if I am reading this all wrong!!

"Crystal ... what are you doing?"  I frown at her

"I kiss you a lot in my sleep, I wanted to see if it feels the same."  she smiles at me 

"No not the kissing, the undressing?"  I can not help but laugh at her as she sits over me wearing a confused look on her face.

"You said you loved me and in that dark, cold, nasty place, you said we can do more than kissing."  she grins at me shyly.

I sit up and laugh at her before I start to kiss her again. I should really be telling her that these dreams of hers are not real, but I know they are real memories.  It is almost like she is remembering everything and confusing her dreams with reality.  She should not be remembering the conversation we had in the vampberry den about doing more than just kissing, because I wiped that away, but she does remember it.  Selfishly I do not want to tell her it is not real.  I know that she can keep secrets, she never told anyone about my colourless eyes while we were in Rainbow Valley, instead of trying to make her believe the dreams are not true, maybe I should be telling her they are a secret instead so that I do not get her totally confused. 

While we are kissing, I let my hands wander over her naked flesh.  I undo her bra, which is getting in my way, at the back and slowly remove it.  She does not try to stop me, she actually helps me by slipping her arms out of it and she throws it on the floor with her top.  I know I should not be doing this yet, but I can not help myself, I start to kiss my way slowly down her neck and onto her chest.

Suddenly the door opens.

"Tap have you seen ..."   River says as he walks into the room   "Oh Fudge!!  I'm sorry!!"

Crystal dives off me trying to cover her naked chest up.

"Don't you know how to knock!!" I snap at River "You would kick off if I just barged in on you and Winter!!"

"Hell Tap!!  Now I see why her bed has not been slept in!!"  he looks a little irritated  "I did not expect you two to be at it ALREADY!!"  he frowns at me  "Me and you need words!!"

"Oh don't you start!!  You are like a Daddy Clone!!  I have already had Dad on my back about taking precautions!!  Do not stress - my idiot head gets it!!"  I snap at him  "For berry's sake we were just kissing!!" 

"Yes and getting naked and we all know where that was leading to!"  he snaps back at me. 

"What do you want anyway?"  I am seriously annoyed that he has interrupted us.  I am definitely getting a lock for that damn door!! 

"I was looking for Crystal.  Winter wants to remind her that she has an appointment in two hours time."

"What appointment?"

I frown at River then Crystal who has jumped underneath the bed clothes and is holding the sheet up to her neck,  This makes me laugh for a moment, thinking about all the times that she has not seemed to get modesty and that my body is private, and now she sits there doing that, trying to hide her body from River.

"Crystal has a hospital appointment which is what we need to talk about.  Get dressed and get yourself into the living room so we can talk!!"  he snaps as he walks out of the room and closes the door quietly behind him.  I half expected him to slam the door but he did not.

I frown at Crystal and she starts laughing as she drops the sheet.  I ask her about her appointment and she just shakes her head and looks down glumly.  I do not fancy a game of 101 questions to get the answers that I want from her, which is what I think I might get.  I pick her top and bra up off the floor and pass them to her.  I tell her that she needs to go and start getting herself ready for her hospital appointment, reminding her that she needs to eat breakfast, take a shower and change her clothes as she has slept in the ones she is wearing last night.  I pick up the baby monitor and do not bother to get myself dressed, instead I go in search of River.

When I get out into the kitchen I see Winter but not River, she is cleaning the counter top.  I ask her where River has gone and she tells me he has gone to get dressed, he will be out to talk to me as soon as he's dressed.  I do not want to wait for River so I ask Winter about Crystals hospital appointment.

I am a little amused by how Winter described it to me, as Crystal having "women's problems".  She has been medically aged as being in her late twenty's and has not yet had a monthly period, but that might just be because of the malnutrition that she has suffered from for most of her life.  Winter has arranged an appointment with Gynecology and Crystal has to have a load of tests done.  I am a little shocked, I do not really understand the 'women's problems' and I can not even start to think about them because her age is bouncing around in my head.

"That can not be right!!  She is not THAT old!!"  I laugh at Winter.  I think that is what shocks me first thinking that she could probably be nearly ten years older than me, that she might have been living rough before I was even born!!  She looks so young to me, I remember at first I could not work out whether she was a teenager or an adult, because of how small, thin and timid she was.  Even though she has started to put on a little bit of weight and is now clean and tidy, she does look older, but I never would have said she was as old as that!!

"We think she is, she had a thorough medical examination when she arrived at the hospital that estimated her age, which ties in with what Denim said.  She was a child when he was a teenager, I am a few years younger than Denim so she is not far off my age probably!"   she smiles at me.

She explains to me that River with Cinnamon's help is searching birth records around that area to see if they can find out who she is, and her exact date of birth.  However, it is not likely we will ever find out, most people who have colourless children hide them and throw them out without registering their birth, especially if they were born at home and not in the hospital.  She says that they are also trying to track down the children's home that she says she was left outside, but then again, they do not hold out much hope.  They kind of expect that the home would probably have been relieved when Crystal ran away, so they would not have had the hassle of her, she doubts her disappearance would even have been reported to the police, and there probably was never a record of her even being there.

 

Society really turns it's back on colourless children,  they are basically thrown out onto the streets on purpose to fade like animals, most never make it to teenage out in the coded world and nobody really cares, they turn a blind eye to a colourless child out on the streets.  Crystal is just one of probably thousands to be abandoned, however, she is one of the very few, who has been lucky enough to survive and make some kind of life for herself out on the streets even though it was not ideal.  This makes me think, everyone thinks that my Mother was hard done too, especially by the old man, but in the great scheme of things, my Mother was one of the very lucky ones!!  She was not thrown out onto the streets, she at least had a decent roof over her head.

"So these "women's problems" what does that mean exactly?"  I frown at Winter  "Are these problems fixable?"

"Tap, we do not know until we have had a look to see what is going on with her inside."

"So is she just having an xray?"  

"No!"  Winter laughs at me for a moment.  "She will have to have a physical internal examination, smear test and swobs, to make sure there are no infections or diseases and an internal ultra sound scan, blood tests etc."  she smiles at me as I pull a face.  "There are quite a few reasons why she might not be having any periods at all.  They usually start for girls from the age of 12 to 17, she is nearly 30 so she should have been having them for the past fifteen years at least."  she pulls a sad face  "Unfortunately, I am inclined to think that there might be major problems going on for her not to have a period at all."

"If she does not have periods, does it mean she can not have children?"

"As it stands at the moment, no I doubt she can have children."  she frowns at the expression on my face.  "However, I really can not say for definate, until we have been to the hospital and we know what is going on and what is stopping her from having normal periods.  We will have a better idea this afternoon, so don't start worrying about it until we know all the facts!!"

"Does Crystal understand what is going on with herself?"  I frown at Winter. 

"Yes I think so, she got very upset over it when we spoke to her about it."  I pull a face at Winter.  "Your Mother brought her sanitary towels just presuming she would need them.  That is when we realized and she told us that she has never had a menstrual cycle."  she rolls her eyes at me  "You know I never gave it a thought during the short time I was in Rainbow with her and neither did River."

No and neither did I, because obviously I am a bloke, I do not have periods so I would not have thought about them.  They are a woman's problem, which I guess Crystal knew nothing about herself. 

This is not good!!

I decided that I am going to the hospital with Crystal and Winter for her appointment. I want to hear what the doctors say, I do not want to be sat here worrying and have to wait to hear second hand information which will probably only be toned down for my benefit, because they do not think that I can handle bad things.  I think Crystal might get a little upset, scared even of what they might have to do to her.  I can only imagine what they might do to her while they are running their tests.

Besides, this might affect my future too - now that I have one child, I do not want her to be an only child.  Slate has been playing on my mind a lot over the last few days, Vanilla is basically in the same situation as he has been, his mother faded at the birth, and only having a father.  He found it very hard growing up with out a Mother and hates being an only child, he always used to carry on to Coral about how horrible she was to me, he used to tell her she was lucky to have brothers.  Slate was one of the very few that did not treat me badly because of my problems.  I do not want Vanilla growing up feeling like Slate does.  Lonely having no siblings.

My mind starts to wander a little, I wander if this is why Crystal asked me if she could be Vanilla's Mommy, because she thinks that she might not be able to have children of her own in the future.  Then I get a horrible thought, what if she is just trying to get close to me because of Vanilla!!  She wouldn't would she?!  I do not have a clue about what is actually going on in her head, because we have not really had the chance to talk properly yet, which we obviously really need to do.  She must have known this appointment was coming, but she has not mentioned it to me at all.

When River comes out to talk to me there is nothing that he can say that Winter has not already told me.  However, he does ask me something that Winter did not ask, if I had slept with her last night or this morning.  I laugh at him and tell him it would serve everyone right if I had with her having this appointment today, which I did not have a clue about, because YET AGAIN, I am the last one to know!!  I should have been told about this straight away, but as usual it is kept from me until the very last minute!!

River says that we can talk about what problems Crystal might have when the hospital have told us what is happening with her inside.  He tells me not to get upset over it, it is not the end of the world if she can never have any children in the future.  That is easy for him to say!!  I begin to wander if they do not think that Crystal having problems is a good thing.  They think I am not capable of looking after Vanilla, so I can just imagine what they might be thinking about me and Crystal having children together!!  She is primitive and childish and me with all my problems.  Neither of us can read and write, yeah I can just imagine they might think me and Crystal raising kids together might be a joke.

I can not really take Vanilla to the hospital with me, so I asked Sunny if he can baby sit for me for a few hours while I attend the hospital appointment with Crystal.  I did not want to go looking for a baby sitter so soon, but I have been very surprised by River, he is still all over the place with Ocean.   Ocean only has to start crying and River starts flapping like an idiot.  He struggles to cope with just one baby, so I dare not ask him to look after Vanilla as well.  I think that Dad is also very amused and surprised, even though he has not said it directly to me, I have actually overheard him telling my Grandparents that he thinks I am coping a lot better on my own with Vanilla than River is with Ocean even with Winter's help.

Sunny came round to collect Vanilla quite happily,  I had to make a bag up for her because Sunny wanted to take her round to his house, so that Ruby can spend some time with Vanilla, which she has not really done since she was born.  Ruby has especially not coped very well with Honey's fading.  The bag I struggled with at first, having to remember everything that needs to go into it, but Sunny helped remind me about what I needed to put in the bag.  This aggravates me a little because it is not like I can write down a list to remind myself, because I would never be able to read it, or even write it in the first place!!  Sometimes I hate not being about to read and write.

At first I was a little worried about Sunny taking Vanilla out, I just presumed he would stay here with her.  I worry not because I do not think that he can look after her, but it is Strawberry that worries me.  He laughs at me when I mention Strawberry to him, he tells me not to worry, she is at work and Vanilla will be back here before she gets home.

As Sunny runs his hand through his hair, which I think is a habit of his, because he is doing it all of the time, I can not help but notice that, as normal, he has his sleeves rolled up, and he has weird marks, that look like bites and scratches, on his arm.   One of the marks looks like it is bleeding.  I point it out to him, in case he does not realize that he has blood smeared all down his arm.  He looks down at his arm and laughs.

"Oh that's Sha ... dow"  he stops, stumbles mid word, then finishes the word Shadow off slowly.  Almost like he has just put his foot in it and said something that he should not have said.  Just hearing the name makes my blood run cold.  "Honey's cat, he's a little biter."  he mumbles awkwardly as he looks down at Vanilla.

"Honey didn't have a cat, did she?!  She always told me that she hates cats!"  I am really confused.  Sunny just laughs at me.

"She had him while you was away, stupid me thought it might make her feel better, but like you said, she didn't like him, she did not want anything to do with him!!"  he rolls his eye.  I frown at him, and am just about to ask him why they would give the boy baby the same name as a cat, when I am distracted when the door opens. 

Crystal walks into the bedroom to ask me if I am ready to go, because Winter says we are due to leave for the hospital in five minutes.  I laugh at her as she is standing there holding her teddy bear like a scared and nervous child.

When I ask her if she is planning to take her teddy with her she just smiles and nods.  I tell her that she can not take the teddy to the hospital because people will laugh at her, she is a grown woman, they would not understand why she is walking round with a teddy bear.  I know she wants her teddy because it is her security blanket, and she is scared about what will be happening to her at the hospital, but joe public will not understand that.  She starts to protest when I try to take the bear off her.

"I am scared, I need him!"  she mumbles as she pulls faces at me.

"I will hold your hand so you don't need teddy."  I smile at her  "Leave teddy with Vanilla, she will look after him for you."

She hesitates for a moment then goes to give the teddy to Sunny who is holding Vanilla.

As Crystal holds the teddy bear out to Sunny, his eyes widen and focus on it and I swear for a moment he went as colourless as Crystal as he stands there staring wide eyed at the teddy bear.  He looks a little shocked.   He tells me, without taking his eyes off the teddy bear, to take Vanilla off him which I do and I put her down in her cot. 

Sunny has taken the teddy bear off Crystal and is just stood there holding it at arms length while he turns it over and inspects it carefully while he looks at it almost in amazement.

"Where did you get this teddy bear?"  he frowns at Crystal  "I had a teddy bear identical to this one when I was a kid!!"

Crystal starts screaming, when Sunny starts to try and undress the teddy bear, almost like she thinks he is hurting the bear.  I am not sure why he is trying to take the teddy bear's clothes off!!  I start to laugh at him, but then soon stop when I see how upset Crystal is getting.  She snatches the teddy bear off Sunny quite forcefully and quickly starts to fasten the buttons on the teddy bears clothes that Sunny has undone.

It takes me a few minutes to prize the teddy bear back off her again, but first I had to convince her that Sunny was not trying to steal her teddy bear, which is what she thinks.  She is acting very childishly!!  Sunny also has to reassure her that he does not want her teddy he was just saying he had one like it once.

I take the orange teddy out of Vanilla's cot and put Crystals teddy in it's place.  I hand Sunny my old orange and white teddy and tell him he can have my old teddy bear instead.

"Well thanks Tap!"  he smirks at me while he is trying hard not to laugh.

I have to hug her to calm her down because she has gotten herself really upset.  I can understand the attachment that she has with that teddy bear, but I think Sunny is getting a little amused by how childishly she is acting.  Sunny does not understand or probably even knows half of what she has had to go through all of her life.  That teddy bear is the only possession that she has ever had.

Winter opens the door and asks us if we are ready to go, because if we leave it much later we are going to be late for Crystals appointment.  She frowns down at Crystals bare feet and asks her where her shoes are as she sighs with irritation.

"I am not wearing my shoes because they strangle my feet."  Crystal tells Winter.

This makes me laugh, not because of what Crystal has just said, even though it is funny, but because if Winter thinks that she is getting Crystal to wear shoes, I know she is going to be here all day trying to convince her.  She played a right game with me in Rainbow Valley, screaming the house down when ever I tried to put shoes on her feet.  She hates it, and can not stand to wear shoes, I think she is going to walk around bare foot forever.

"You are wasting your time even trying to make her wear shoes!"  I laugh at Winter.

"Come on ... or we are going to be late!!"  Winter tuts

I seriously am not looking forward to this appointment, and it is not even mine!!


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