Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Chapter 37 - Gen 2 - Tapestry

the next three chapters are a little detour that I have slipped in at the last moment.  Which is giving me time to try and solve a problem I have in game with crashing when I get into edit in town.  The next chapter in particular was inspired by a dream.


I am standing in the cemetery feeling a little out of place.

I know that everyone has accepted me into this and the extended family, and they now class me as one of them.  However, when you are attending one of their funerals, someone who you do not even know and everyone is crying around you, when you can not shed a tear, it makes you feel uncomfortable.

I did not know Cinnamon at all really, only in passing, he was one of the people that I avoided on purpose, but only because of him being a policeman.  From what I have heard about him he was a sound guy and it is a shame that I never got the chance to know him.  For those two years when I was in Sugar Valley, wearing my disguise and using a false name, the very last person I wanted to get close to is an officer of the law.  I am not sure that I ever actually spoke to him.  So for me to stand here crying would just be utterly ridiculous!!

The closest I ever got to Cinnamon was unfortunately on that horrible day when he was shot by Gravel.  I, along with Winter and a team of other trauma surgeons spent five long hours in the theatre with him, trying to repair the mess and damage that the two bullets had made to his chest and stomach.  He was very lucky to make it through the first round of surgery and he was hanging on with the help of life support and at one point we actually thought that he might just make it.  However a complication had him taken back into theatre, the second time round he was not so lucky, a few hours after being taken back to ICU he was pronounced brain stem dead.  Another tragic loss of a young life, when he had his whole life a head of him.

I stare over at Tapestry, who is standing not too far away from me, it is him that I am worrying about mainly today, he has taken Cinnamon's fading quite hard like all of the rest of the extended family.  On top of Honey and Shadow, I am not sure that he is strong enough to take it, because I do not think that he has even dealt with his own loss properly yet.  I told Dad that I would attend the funeral today, but only to keep a close eye on Tapestry and he is the only reason that I am here.

Tapestry is standing a little in front of me, holding Crystals hand.  I guess that Crystal is in exactly the same boat as I am, she knows very few of the people around her and especially not Cinnamon.  However, she is here for Tapestry because he wanted her here.  I hope that this is not going to be too much for her either.  I also have a worry that she might be the one to throw a wobble, this is the first time that she has been part of quite a large crowd and she is naturally very timid until you get to know her.

I really could do with Winter's hand to hold right now, but Winter got to stay at home, not knowing Cinnamon at all, and is looking after Ocean, Vanilla and Cotton.  Lilly is not here either, which upset Dad a little, but she blacked out because of the grief, an hour before we were due to leave for the funeral, so Grape, her father and Grandma Muffin are looking after her.  Everyone is worrying about Alpines state of mind, he is not good at the best of times with his brain damage, another victim of Lime's.  It must be hard enough having to bury one of your sons with a normal head, so with his brain damage he is very unstable and he could well lose it today.  It will actually be a miracle if today goes off without any hitches. It amuses me that they have bets on who is going to blow first, Tapestry or Alpine.

As I watch him, I notice that Tapestry seems to be looking a little agitated.  I can not see his face because his back is towards me, but I can see he keeps staring over at Honey, Shadow and Storm graves and he can not keep his feet still, his free hand is very fidgety.   I am keeping my distance because he has already had a go at me today for fussing over him, and I do not want to agitate him any more than he already is.

He suddenly turns round and snaps quite nastily at Strawberry who is stood right behind him, maybe a little too close for my liking.  I see Strawberry keeps leaning towards him occasionally like she is saying something in his ear.  Strawberry is not one of Tapestry's favourite people right now, and if I know Strawberry, I would lay bets on that she is winding him or Crystal up.  Strawberry has been read the riot act not too long ago for bullying Crystal and I know Strawberry and Tapestry have never really liked each other and only have to look at each other to rub each other up the wrong way.

I really would not be surprised if Strawberry is not stood there on purpose just so that she can keep coming out with those snidey comments of hers that she knows really wind Tapestry up.  The last thing we need is Strawberry setting him off today!!

If I go over to her, I will just end up having a go at her she gets under my skin a little too, I understand where Tapestry is coming from when he says she irritates the hell out of him.  The last thing I want to do is start an argument at a funeral!!  I stroll casually towards Sunny, while I keep my eye on Strawberry and Tapestry.  Tapestry turns round again and has another go at her, I can see that she is really getting on his nerves.  Sunny, who is standing not too far away from me with Ruby smiles at me when I approach.  However, he is not smiling when I tell him that I think that Strawberry is winding Tapestry and Crystal up.  He rolls his eyes at me as he makes his way straight over to her and drags her away from Tapestry, pulling her over to where most of the Shines are standing.  Scarlet catches my eye for a moment, she is particularly distraught, being engaged to Cinnamon and carrying his baby.  Life is so cruel sometimes.

I get distracted watching Bay and Slate together, they make me smile, twelve months ago none of us could have seen that one coming!!  Slate, who has been allowed to get out of the hospital for a few hours, is sat in a wheelchair, a blanket round him and Bay is fussing over him even though it is his brothers funeral that we are attending.  Slate seems to be giving Bay a welcome distraction from his grief.

I am actually very surprised that Dad allowed him to attend the funeral, it is not really such a good idea for him to be out so soon after the transplant.  Slate kicked up an almighty fuss apparently and even threatened to discharge himself if Dad did not let him attend the funeral.  Dad caved in, scared Slate would actually carry out his threat, his state of mind not being too good again at the moment because he is having to deal with the bombshell of Granite being his biological father, not Gravel, and he is having to watch his new found Dad still on life support not knowing if he is going to pull through.   I notice Dad is hovering very close to Slate keeping a very beady eye on him and I know that the minute this funeral is over Slate will be straight back into that hospital even if Dad has to drag him back there himself.

I stare at the group of men standing by and talking to Slate, Bay and Dad.  From their identical all brown colouring I can tell they are all Rocks.  There are four of them and I wander why they are here, they do not come from this town and I doubt they have ever seen let alone know Cinnamon.  Even though I have never seen them before, I think I can guess who they are because I have heard a lot about them recently especially from Dad. Turmeric, Shale, Silt and Thyme, Slate's Uncles and Gravel and Granite's brothers.  Why are they here exactly?  Maybe they feel guilty for what Gravel has done, just like Slate does.

Them being the brothers of the man who faded Cinnamon, there presence does not seem to be bothering anyone, as I watch most people stop and speak to them, but then nobody blames Slate for what Gravel has done, even when this whole thing, really has been all about Slate and his true identity of being Granites son and not Gravels.  I guess the Rocks, because of Slate, have been dragged into the extended family, there are two Rock babies being born into the family, Corals, and I know how fond of Granite, Dad is, being friends along with Forrest since they were small children.  I know that Dad is especially fond of Slate and treats him like a son, even though Slate and Coral are no longer together.  Stupidly I think Dad thought and hoped for a while that now Gravel is out of the way Slate and Coral might get back together ... I really can not see Bay letting that happen!!!

"Oh No!!  Tapestry is rocking!!"  I suddenly hear Mosaic say loudly.

I am now really kicking myself, for getting so distracted and taking my eyes off Tapestry.  When I look over at Tapestry he is no longer holding Crystals hand because his is holding his head and rocking.

Crystal backs away gingerly from him, she is confused as she watches him, like the rest of us, start to break down.  He starts to shout a little, almost like he is shouting at himself.  I have seen him do this only once before, in the vampberry den just before he went all psychotic on Lime.  We are in trouble!!

"Shit he is going to blow!!"  Mulberry shouts  "Someone move Crystal out of the way!!"

Everyone quickly backs away from Tapestry, it is almost comical how quickly everyone backs away and moves, a space opens up around them instantly, I guess they have all seen this before many times.  Prelude lurches into the clearing and grabs a very confused and frightened Crystal pulling her away as Dad rushes over to Tapestry.  Fudge I already know he is doing the wrong thing, he needs to be left alone!!  Honey was very insistent about that!!

"Dad leave him!!"  I shout but it is too late, Dad puts his arm around Tapestry.

Tapestry blows!!

He starts to yell at Dad saying that he let them fade, and asking why did he let them fade in amongst telling Dad how much he hates him.  This is a normal occurrence so I am told, Dad is always the whipping pole for Tapestry's outburst, if Dad is anywhere near him when he blows, he seems to vent a lot of his anger onto Dad for some reason.  I know, and I think Dad understands, that Tapestry really does not mean most of what he is yelling at Dad when he is in this state, especially the part about hating him.

"You let them fade ... I HATE YOU!!"  Tapestry yells at Dad  "I am SICK of you hiding everything from me and treating me like the idiot child!!  I did not even get to see him and it is all your fault!!!" he almost screams in Dads face  "But you saw him didn't you!!  DIDN'T YOU!!  YOU buried him before I could see him!!"

Tapestry pushes Dad away quite forcefully sending him flying backwards and he falls onto the grass.  I know instantly that Tapestry is talking about Honey and Shadow when he says 'them'.  I am a little surprised by what he is saying, not getting to see Shadow, in particular, seems to be seriously getting to him.  What Tapestry said has Sunny collapsing to the floor in a heap, he is breaking down, almost hysterically.

I hope to Berry, Tapestry is not about to say something he is not supposed to in front of all these people!!  He is blaming Dad publically for not getting to see Shadow ... and only we know why!!  He is like a ticking time bomb and I really do not want to be standing here to watch it go off, I have to do something, before it is too late.

I watch as Prelude, Mulberry and Mosaic run at him.  I guess they have had plenty of practice over the years in having to control him.  Dad is now busy picking himself up off the floor and dusting off his clothes while he watches Tapestry punch Mosaic which sends him flying.   Tapestry gets away from Mulberry and Prelude by giving them both a wack.  All the time he is yelling and screaming almost hysterically, while he is fighting the three of them off.  It scares me, just how strong Tapestry is when he goes into these rages, strong enough to even give the vampberrys a run for their money, which I have seen him with my own two eyes.

I can not help but wander if Storm and Cosmic are here and also in there trying to calm him down, I know that Storm hardly leaves his side.  Me and Tapestry have talked a lot about how he feels and what goes on during these outburst and he has told me that people touching him and the noise, especially people shouting at him, just makes it worse, until his mind just blacks out and he does not know what he is doing after that.  He seriously hates having to come round after one of these outburst and have to hear what he did while his mind was blacked out, because it is never pleasant.

It is like a cat fight.  Prelude, Mulberry and Mosaic are grabbing at him and shouting while he continues to fight them off.  I already know by grabbing and shouting at him they are seriously doing the wrong thing.

"JUST LEAVE HIM!!"  I yell at them as I am fumble in my pocket.  "Back away from him!!"  I shout at them as I pull out the syringe and bottle of sedative.  I really hoped that I would not need this today, but am now very glad that I bought it with me just in case.  "Have you lot not realized yet that you make him worse by grabbing and shouting at him!!"  I yell at them.

"Get off me Storm you Jerk!!"  Tapestry yells suddenly as he starts to wrestle with fresh air  "You and Cosmic need to back off and mind your own business!! Go polish your headstones or haunt somebody else!!"  he stands there scowling  "If you weren't so busy bugging me and Crystal you might have stopped Honey and Cinnamon from passing over  JERKS!!"

I cringe!!  I feel the blood drain away from me as I hear a few gasps and I am not surprised, he is there talking to his spirit friends in front of EVERYONE.  Prelude, Mulberry and Mosaic start to back away from Tapestry, I think more from the shock of what he is saying, more so than because I told them to. Tapestry stands there yelling at nobody, obviously none of us can see them but I know Storm and Cosmic are there somewhere in front of him.

I need to shut him up!!

As I start to run towards them I fill the syringe with sedative.  Tapestry, who is now loose, throw himself onto Honey and Shadows graves.  I think he might just sit there crying and shouting like he already is but he even surprises me by what he does next.   He gets down on his hands and knees and starts to dig frantically like a dog.  He is ripping up the grass with his bare hands, then the dirt, first Honey's grave, then he moves to Shadows where he remains digging like a maniac, handfuls of dirt are being flung everywhere.

Prelude and Mulberry are now trying to pull him away again, but he pushes them off and continues to dig.  I take a quick glance at Dad who is now almost distraught as he stands there watching.  It is not nice for any of us to watch him ripping up Honey and the babies graves, even if he is doing it because he is distraught with grief!!

I think I knew in the back of my mind there would be something coming, because I did not think that Tapestry had dealt with especially Shadow fading properly.  I know one thing that has really been eating him up, the fact that he was not here for their funerals when he should have been.  However, stood here watching him now, it was probably a very good job, I dread to think what he might have done if he had attended their funerals!!

As I walk quickly over to him I hear him saying over and over - the baby should not be in there - he is going to suffocate - he just wants to hold him - Vanilla needs her brother.  This really upsets me, it hit me right in the chest and the pain felt worse than the knife that had gone into my shoulder.  I quickly jab him in the leg with the syringe, he didn't even see me coming, hysterically rambling and digging.

Tapestry slumps onto the ground after only a few seconds and is out cold.  I just stand over him after I have placed him in the recovery position, tears streaming down my face, because I hate having to see him go through this and mostly what I heard him say has really got to me.  Now I am crying at Cinnamon's funeral, but for all the wrong reasons.

"I'll take him home." Dad says from behind me.  "What set him off."

"You putting your arm round him!!"  I raise my eyebrows at him and he just rolls his eyes.  "I am not sure what started it but I think Strawberry might have been winding him up just before he blew, but it is Shadow and not seeing him what is getting to him most I think."  Dad stands there rubbing the back of his neck as he stares down at Tapestry.  "You do realize don't you, this is the first time he has been in this cemetery since the day of Storms funeral when he was abducted and it's the first time he has seen Honey and Shadow's graves and Storms for that matter!!.   I know he has avoided coming here because he knew it would upset him seeing them and I never even gave it a thought!!"

"I nearly faded when I heard him talking to Storm and Cosmic!!" he laughs quietly  "Fudge!!  They are all going to start thinking he is insane again!"

"Let them, we both know he isn't!!"

I try to wipe the tears off my face as Dad says he never gave him being in this cemetery and seeing the graves a thought either, his mind has been way too preoccupied, since our return home, by everything that has been going on around Gravel, and the undercover police operation that has been going on for over a month around Mace and Gravel that only he and Granite knew about, outside of the police force.

I seriously can not believe the stuff that Dad has been carrying around on his shoulders all this time, it is a wander that he has not had a nervous breakdown!!  First all the deception of the abduction,  Honey and Shadow, then Corals antics with Gravel and Slates attempted suicide and its consequences, the undercover police operation that only he and Granite were privy too, now the aftermath of Gravels massacre, especially Cinnamon fading and Granite still being in a controlled coma.

"Maybe we should show him that photograph, the one of Shadow I sent to your phone."  Dad rubs his neck  "Obviously if not seeing the boy seems to be seriously getting to him, maybe that will help him get his head together!"

"I don't know if that will do him any good, it might just make it worse for him."  I pull a face really not knowing what to do for the best.  "You know he has already seen that photograph, and the boy, he just doesn't know it!!"  I roll my eyes at him  "He was messing with my phone and saw the pictures of Vanilla, Shadow and Ocean that you sent me.  Being colourblind he could not see they were three different babies, he thought they were all pictures of Ocean.  Obviously I had to let him carry on thinking that." 

"What has upset you so much?"  Dad frowns at me 

"Obviously I hate seeing him like this when he has been doing so well lately, but it was what Tap was saying while he was digging mostly!"  I explain to Dad what I hear him say and he stands there just stares at me with raises eyebrows  "I'll take him home, it's not fair for you to miss the funeral, you stay and look after Slate."

"You may as well take Crystal home too, she is in a right state over there, she does not understand any of this!!"  he rolls his eyes  "Maybe you should try to explain to her before my little broken boy wakes up."  he looks around him  "We will have to talk about this, and that photograph, at home when it is a little more private."

Prelude and Mulberry carry Tapestry to my car while I walk behind them with Crystal.

His little broken boy is going to hate himself when he wakes up!!


I start to come round and my head is hurting as it swims into consciousness.

I know straight away that I have been sedated.  I remember this feeling all too well, even though it has been a long time since I have felt this way.  I hate it!!  I continue to just lie there with my eyes closed and battle through the confusion trying to workout why I might be here in this place again.  Where I am does not even cross my mind.

Then I remember .. losing it at Cinnamon's funeral!!

Once I realize I am no longer in the cemetery but now at home lying on my bed, I moan out load as I roll over onto my back and hold my head because it is banging like it always does when I have an outburst.  Not looking forward to hearing about what I have done.

I am a little, no very annoyed!!  I hoped that I would never have another emotional outburst!!  I thought I had grown up and can and have been controlling it.  I have not had one of these outbursts since the vampberry den nearly a year ago and I have been through plenty of things that should have tipped me over the edge enough since to have them ... but I have controlled it.

I am very disappointed that I was very wrong and these outbursts are still possible.  This scares me for my future and my music career, now I am not so confident about myself!! 

What the hell have I done!!!  I can not help but notice that my hands are really stinging.

"So you are back with us then!!"  River laughs besides me.

I did not realize he was there, him speaking makes me jump and I open my eyes, turning my head to squint through the initial blurred vision at him.  River is lay next to me on the bed reading a book.  He smiles at me as he closes his book and puts it down on the bedside table.

"I'm Sorry!!"  I mumble quietly. 

"Why apologize, it is not like you can help it or do it on purpose!!"

I struggle to sit up, so that I can inspect my hurting hands.  I stare down at my sore hands as I turn them over quite a few times and wander in confusion how they managed to get into that state.  Both of my hands are throbbing, cut and bruised and I can not help but notice the underneath of a few of my nails are very dirty.

I glance at River and he is wearing one of his 'half hearted, sympathetic, I'll try not to uspet him' smiles.  I dread to think what he is going to say to me.

"Where are Crystal and Vanilla?"

"Vanilla is in the nursery with Ocean, don't worry about her me and Winter will look after her for the rest of the day and tonight, so you can get some sleep."  he smiles at me  "Crystal is upstairs in her old room, asleep, I have given her a sleeping tablet.  She got rather upset and I thought it best she sleep it off."

"Go on tell me because I know you are dying to!!"  I frown at him  "How did my hands get into this state?"

"Well the bruises on your knuckles probably match the shiners that Mosaic, Mulberry and Prelude will be wearing from tomorrow."  I laugh halfheartedly because that is nothing unusual really, I always end up smacking someone.  "I tried to clean your hands as best I could, sorry your nails have a little dirt under them still."

"Dirt?"  I frown as I look at my nails again, some of which are now broken.

"Yes dirt.  You tried to dig Honey and Shadow up with your bare hands."  he rolls his eyes as I stare at him wide eyed  "Unfortunately you made a bit of a mess of the plot, especially Shadows, but don't worry it is only surface damage, the grass will grow back, you did not get very far with your digging thankfully!!"  he smiles at me  "You blacked out didn't you."

"Obviously, I always do.  I heard Mo say I was rocking, someone put their arm round me ... I don't remember anything after that."

"You might guess it was Dad."  he laughs quietly  "He will have a bruised ass tomorrow, you launched him backwards, before you started yelling and screaming at him."

I just lie there not quite believing that I have done that.  I have done some things in my time when I have blacked out during an outburst, but trying to dig up the contents of graves has got to be right up there!!  I feel sick!!

"Please tell me everyone was not watching!"  I cringe.

"Unfortunately!!"  he smiles  "Don't worry, they understand."  I frown at him

"I doubt it, it will be a first if they do!!

"I'll tell you something that might make you feel a little better."  he smiles at me  "You aren't the only one who lost it today, because of grief.  Alpine put on quite a performance too so I have heard."  he laughs quietly  "You try digging up coffins and he tried to open one.  It's a good job both me and Dad went to that funeral armed with sedative!!  Prelude and Mulberry are black and blue apparently, Alpine put up quite a fight!!"  he smiles at me as I sit staring at him wide eyed again.  "Everyone understands its damaged brains not handling grief very well!!"  

I doubt that they will understand my performance at least, I am not sure I understand myself!!  I know why I might have done it, the grief drove me to it but if I had been in my right mind I never would have wanted to dig them up, or even make a mess of their graves.  River might think he understands and is being nice about it, but he has not seen how every one else reacts  yet to my outbursts.  I am still expecting everyone else to start coming and ripping shreds out of me like they usually do.  Most of them see my outbursts as trouble making attention seeking tantrums.

"Oh I need to warn you."  he laughs  "While you was out, you started yelling at Storm and Cosmic in front of everyone, at one point I think you might even have been fighting Storm off.  You said both of their names clearly for everyone to hear."

"Oh Great!!"  I put my head in my hands for a moment.  "Did I say anything I shouldn't?!"

"No not really, not that I heard."  he frowns at me  "What set you off Tap?"

"Too many things ..."

Cinnamon, fading and being at his funeral, was only a part of the problem.  Just being in that cemetery brought back Storms funeral and the last time that I was stood there, and how I felt that day, especially being abducted by Manderine, remembering how scared we had been especially in the first few days of being in the vampberry den in that cage.  Today it really did not help me that I had Storm's spirit standing next to me and when I glanced over at the row of headstones, Cosmic was stood where he was the day of Storms funeral, this also brought back unwanted memories and feelings of the day that Manderine abducted me and Honey.

All I remember is standing there, holding Crystals hand tightly trying not to look in the direction of the headstones, I did not want to see them because I knew how upset I would get and I had enough to deal with just being in that cemetery attending Cinnamon's funeral.

It just had to be Strawberry, behind me bitching in my ear, making snide comments about me not being able to look after Vanilla or about me not having been to visit Honey or the babies grave since I have returned home.  She actually grabbed my head and turned it in the direction of the gravestones so I had no choice but to see them.  Three new gravestones that I have never seen before, Storms, Honeys and Shadow's.  Strawberry was stood behind me, constantly in my ear going on until Sunny dragged her away, I am not really sure why, but I was very glad of it.  However, by then it was too late, the damage had already been done.

Once I had seen the graves, I struggled to keep my eyes off them after that, especially the smaller one which I presumed is the babies grave.  I have consciously avoided coming to the cemetery to visit the graves because I knew how much it was going to upset me.  Seeing their headstones and graves put the finally nail in both of their coffins, so to speak, especially Shadow's.  Suddenly them fading was realer than it has ever been.

I had not noticed that I was stood there numb.

I did not even expect the outburst myself, or think that it was a possibility anymore.  I should have known it was coming, I was stood there numb unable to cry, while the pain was building up and becoming too much for me to bare.  Crying is something I have done quite freely for a while, when I cry I let the emotional upset out, I know that now, when I do not cry it builds up in my head until it explodes and lets itself out that way, the wrong way - an outburst.

"Do you want to talk about it?"  I shake my head.

"You can not keep bottling it up!!  Tomorrow we seriously need to sit down and talk about it so you can deal with it properly."  he smiles at me  "It is Shadow isn't it?"


"Take these and try and get some sleep.  We will look after Vanilla tonight."  he smiles

He starts to rumage about in his pocket then holds out his hand and I see two of those white pills on his hand.  He knows that I took two earlier so it must be alright for me to take more.  I don't argue with him I just take them.

"On a brighter note.  Prelude dropped a box off for you earlier, CD's.  It is in your music room."  I frown at him  "Rocky thought he would surprise you."  he laughs  "One of those joint songs of yours, he has released it into the charts to see how it floats."  he grins at me then laughs.  "Mo phoned in a right flap not long ago because it was on the radio about an hour ago!" 

"Get lost!!"  he laughs at me.  "You are joking!!"

"No joke!!   Rocky phoned you earlier, I had to answer your phone."  he smiles at me  "I told him you was asleep and had just got back from a funeral, so he is going to ring you back tomorrow."  I go to jump off the bed and he grabs my arm to stop me  "Tap ... you seriously need to deal with whatever is going on in your head regarding Shadow before it drags you down and before this career of yours kicks off!!  In less than a week you are due to fly out to Rainbow remember, I'm going to be worried sick ...."

"I know!!  Don't stress, today was just a blip, I'll be okay!!"  I smile at him but he pulls a face  "If it makes you feel better, tomorrow we'll talk!!  Now I seriously need to go see these CD's!"

River laughs at me and lets go of my arm. I dive off the bed and run off to see what is in the box.  About fifty CD singles.  I take one out of the box and just stare at it.  I can not read any of the writing on the CD cover so I stick it into the CD player and listen to it.  I sit there listening to it feeling a little numb, not sure I will ever get used to hearing the sound of my own singing voice.

I start to feel those pills making me feel alittle mongy so I decided to go and try to get some sleep.  When I wake up again I am very surprised that I am alone in the bed.  I glance at the clock and notice it is after eleven o clock, I have been asleep for hours.  I expected Crystal to be in bed with me when I woke up.  It is strange how quickly you get used to things, her not being there does not seem right.

I jump off the bed and go into the nursery to check on Vanilla, she is sleeping peacefully so I just stand there staring at her for a while but do not disturb her.  As I stand watching her sleeping my mind can not help but drift to Shadow, wandering what he would look like if he had lived and that he should be in the empty cot and not in a box in the ground.  I have to walk away to stop myself from thinking about him and getting myself all upset again, so I go in search of Crystal.

I found Crystal up in her room also fast asleep.  As River said he and Winter would look after Vanilla tonight, I debated on just jumping into bed with Crystal.  However, I have been sleeping most of the day and night so I am now wide awake and would only lie there tossing and turning, disturbing Crystal, while my mind runs riot, driving myself crazy with my thoughts.  I doubt that I will sleep anymore tonight and head back down stairs to leave her sleep in peace.

I head down to the kitchen to grab a drink.

As I spin around from the fridge something catches my eye.  A bottle of wine and two glasses are sat on the kitchen counter.  At first I laugh thinking River is trying to be romantic again.  However, I had noticed when I grabbed the milkshake that there were another two bottles of that wine in the fridge chilling.  River and Winter drink a lot of wine.  I presume they never got to drink the wine because they will both be fast asleep by now - it's lights out at 11 for River, he is such a nerd he still has a set bed time.

I sit down at the kitchen counter and start drinking the banana milkshake.  I feel ... very down.  Today has brought up a lot of things that I have tried to keep inside hoping that they would go away.  I can feel myself starting to get upset while I sit there thinking about today's events.  Honey and Shadow are really playing on my mind.

Me trying to dig up Shadows grave is also already really playing on my mind and pricking my conscience, I feel really bad for doing it.  I dread to think what Sunny and Ruby especially must have been thinking and feeling having to stand there watching me trying to dig up their Daughter and Grandchild.  I really am not looking forward to hearing what Sunny has to say on the matter.

I need something to shut my head off and music would usually do that for me.  However, at this late time of night if I start playing my guitar or the piano I might just get my purple Grandfather chasing me around the apartment with his walking stick, that is if River does not get me first!!

That bottle of wine keeps almost calling out to me.  I can not help but keep glancing at it.

I am very tempted.

I jump down off the stool leaving my carton on the counter.

I grab the bottle of wine and head off out of the house.



  1. I can see what you meant about Tapestry being rather naughty this chapter XD
    I guess, like it was pointed out though, most of it so far isn't his fault. The guy has been so much better with his outbursts, and what set him off this time was understandable. They should have made Strawberry be the one to deal with him though, the nasty woman >:( Don't think she'd be so eager to set him off if she was the one having to take his blows.
    Tap sneaking off with the wine though, yeah, not the best.

    1. lol - Don't worry - Strawberry will be taught a lesson over the next few chapter :D
      Yeah the wine ...... next chapter :D

  2. Perfectly understandable for Tap to go off. So much grief has been bottled up inside him, it was bound to come out sooner or later. Strawberry has to be one of the worst people ever, right up there with Coral. Good thing that River was there and knew what to do.