Sunday, 2 July 2017

Chapter 58 - Gen 2 - Tapestry

I wake up abruptly with a violent jolt in a blind panic ... from a bad dream.

I lie there trying to catch my breath, while I stare up at the ceiling, as I am thinking about the horrible nightmare that I was just having, glad that it was only a dream.

When I've calmed myself down I start to look around, and take in my surroundings.  I can see that the night lights are no longer on, but I don't feel like I have been asleep for very long.  I glance over towards the other bed at Bay, who is now wide awake, and just lying there watching me, the expression on his face is blank.

I really don't know what to say to him.  I can not even imagine what he might be thinking or feeling right now.  While the last four days have been none existent for me, he has lived those four days and had plenty of time to think, while I have been unconscious.

I hold my breath, even though Granite says they are okay about me and the whole situation, I think I am still expecting the worst, I'm expecting him to start having a go at me.

Then he smiles at me.

          "Was you just having a bad dream?"  he finally mumbles quietly
          "Yeah."  I smile at him
          "You talk in your sleep ... a lot!"  he laughs quietly
          "Yeah I know, so your Mother is always telling me."  I smile at him even though I'm now worried, I had been dreaming about Wisty when I woke up.  "I dread to think what I've been saying."
          "You was mumbling rubbish mainly, that didn't really make any sense, you shouted Mom and Granite quite a lot."  he laughs quietly
          "Have I been doing it the whole four days while I've been out?"
           "No only since last night, it started after they took you off the stuff that was keeping you out."  he smiles at me then frowns  "Are you going to be okay now?"
           "Yeah I will be fine after a few days rest, my brain has stopped playing up and doing stupid things ... it was only concussion, nothing to worry over."
           "Yeah right - they rushed you into theatre because your brain was bleeding and you was having those fits like Slate did, and you say don't worry!!"
           "Seizures - my brain basically hit my skull and it is swollen and bruised, which disturbs the brains ability to function properly for a while - that's all it is.  There shouldn't be any more seizures, and I don't have blurred vision or slurred speech any more.  Granite said it was only a slight bleed which they fixed in theatre, so I will be fine."
          "Slate didn't bruise his brain, so why did he have seizures like you did."
          "The alcohol poisoning caused his, but there are a lot of different reasons why people have seizures - they are caused by abnormal, disorganized and sudden electrical activity in the brain."
          "Yeah I guess it does help you being a doctor."  he laughs
          "Not always, I know everything that could have happened when I hit my head - which is a lot more frightening, so I'm very relieved it is only the effects of concussion that I'm suffering from right now.  A few days and I'll be as right as rain."  I smile at him  "Although I can't say the same thing about my hair."

          "Yeah you do look funny without your dreads."  he laughs at me
          "Who is responsible for this?"  I laugh as I wave the plait about
          "Me."  he grins at me  "You are lucky it's just a plait.  Granite was looking for pink ribbon, he was going to tie it in pretty pigtails. Luckily for you Tap had one of Vanilla's hair bands in his pocket, or you might just have freaked out when you looked at yourself in the mirror, if Gran had had his way."  we both start laughing
         "He can't help himself, he turns everything into a joke."  I laugh  "I bet he's been bouncing around here like an idiot for the past four days."
          "No he has actually been pretty quiet, he's been really worried about you."

There is suddenly an awkward silence between us that has never been there before.  We have always been pretty close as mate, now it suddenly feels very awkward, because everything has changed.  I can't help but wander if we are going to lose the relationship that we had and he will start speaking to me and treating me differently.

         "So has anything interesting happened while I've been out these past four days?"  I ask for the sake of it, not really knowing what else to say to him.
         "Oh Fudge yeah!"  he starts laughing  "Tap and Crystal are having QUADS!!"
         "What?!"  he laughs as my eyes widen
         "Yeah FOUR babies, they found out on her scan.  They are having two sets of identical twins too."  he laughs
         "Two sets ... that's very unusual!"  I laugh quietly
         "Yeah Mango said."  he laughs  "Tap's head is all over the place."
         "Yeah I can imagine - four babies is a little too many to be having all in one go!"  I laugh quietly  "Has Scarlet had the baby yet?"
         "No not yet, we are still waiting."  he rolls his eyes

          "Mint has dumped Parsley."  he laughs sarcastically  "I really don't get her!!  She has been moping over him for years, they have hardly been back together for five minutes, then out of the blue she dumps him ... I think she's gone mad suddenly!!"  he pulls a face
          "Yeah Granite told me when I woke up earlier.  To be honest, I saw it coming."   he frowns at me  "She has told me a few times lately, it wasn't good, they've been arguing because they both want a few different things out of life.  She wants the move to Berry and he doesn't, I think that's what has put the final nail in the coffin."  I laugh quietly  "I have never thought Mint and Parsley were well suited anyway, he's too laid back and lazy where as she has a lot of energy and drive ... I've always said to your Mom, Crimson is more Mint's type - they both very alike, and have the same ambition and drive."
          "Oh fudge!!  I hope you are not going to try matchmaking!"  he starts laughing "I am not sure they even fancy each other."
          "They probably don't, and no I'm not doing any matchmaking!"  I laugh  "I wouldn't be surprised if they both stay single now for a long time, they are both more interested in their career than their love life."
          "Yeah ..."  he laughs  "Just like we thought you were ... because we didn't see what you and Mom have been doing on the sly all this time."
          "You do understand why we hid it from you don't you!"
          "Yeah."  he mumbles
          "Can you phone your Mom for me, I don't know where my phone is."
          "It's only 5 am."  he mumbles then laughs  "I don't think they will be too impressed down in maternity if her phone starts going off and waking everyone up."
          "Yeah I guess it is a bit too early."  I frown  "I thought it was later than that ... the night lights are normally still on now."
          "I turned the lights on ... you woke me up shouting and screaming about an hour ago."
          "Sorry ... "  I mumble

He lies there just staring at me and I still can not imagine what he might be thinking right now about me or this whole situation.  We have pretty much avoided the subject up until now.  Finally he knows that I am his Dad, and it is hard enough for me to get my head around the fact that I now have to openly be his Dad if he wants me to be, so I can imagine taking it in has been hard for all three of them.

           "Who do I look like?"  he asks suddenly
           "You have your Mom's slanty eyes obviously." I laugh quietly  "Facially you actually look a lot like my Dad more than anyone else.  You have a lot more Leaf in you than you realise, we both have him to thank for our OCD."
           "So who do you look like."  this makes me laugh a little
           "Both me and Meadow take more after my Mom, facially anyway ... I have all my Dad's colouring, but my looks come from my Mom, as well as her ears."  I roll my eyes  "I bet you are glad you escaped those."
           "Yeah just a bit."  he laughs quietly
           "I guess you've seen Holly and Ivy, Gran said they've been here and staying with Fudge."
           "Yeah."  he laughs  "They don't like you very much do they."
           "No, because we couldn't protect them from me and my phobia like we could you three."  I smile at him  "But it hasn't been so bad for them, because most of the time they have only had to see me once a month.  I've had to keep my distance.  A lot of the time when I've stayed in Raspberry I've had to book myself into a hotel, so I didn't upset them too much." 
           "What am I supposed to call you now?"
           "Leafy or Forrest like you've always done."  he frowns at me in a wierd way
           "Why not Dad, because that is what you are?"
           "It's not that I don't want you to or wouldn't like you to call me Dad, but Alpine has always been your Dad, I've never been that to you and I don't think I deserve it.  Under the circumstances, it's not wise around your Dad anyway, he is feeling insecure enough, without us making it worse and upsetting him.  You have always called him Dad, so really that shouldn't change."

           "He is getting bad isn't he."
           "He has been a little unstable for a while.  His medical condition hasn't really got any worse, and he has been a lot better since the hospice and Meadow is helping him a lot mentally."  this makes him snigger  "I just think he is taking a lot longer to deal with his grief and it has been unhinging him a little.  It's made worse for him because he forgets sometimes that they have faded, so when he does remember, it knocks him about, he has to keep reliving the grief."  I smile at him   "Cinnamon and Sunny are still really weighing him down, and telling you three the truth about me was always going to upset him.  He has always been scared that he would lose you, and I think as soon as he see's this isn't going to change anything with your three's relationship with him, he will settle down again."
        "But it does change things doesn't it." he mumbles  "For me at least, not so much the girls probably."
        "How does it?"  I frown at him
        "I think I have always known deep down he was not my Dad, or I hoped at least."  I frown at him  "I am actually relieved he isn't my Dad, and I don't have to take any of his shit any more!!  We have never been close, he's always treated me and Cinn differently, and me differently to the girls.   I think I've always been his least favourite, and now I know why!!  I was the one who ended his marriage ..."
         "Don't talk shit ... me, Mel, Alpine and Meadow are the ones who ended their marriage you wally!!  Even if you had not come along, it was going to happen anyway, your Mother fell in love with me and Alpine with Meadow.  Their marriage was on the rocks even before Cinnamon was born, before me and Meadow started interfering in it.  Their separation was more than amicable, both of them knew they should never have got married to each other in the first place, and the only real argument going on between them was who was having Cinnamon."  I laugh at him

        "So why did he beat you up so badly if he wasn't bothered."
        "Pride mostly, not because he loved your Mom.  It would have dented his ego if anyone had found out his wife had gone off sleeping with somebody else behind his back, especially when they had not been married for very long, and part of it was because I was his mate.  I actually hurt him more than your Mother did.  He was a little shocked, it was probably the last thing he expected because he knew I was married to Granite, and he thought I was gay!!"
        "Yeah, didn't we all!!"  he laughs sarcastically
        "I was also a threat to his world which unhinged him a little."  he frowns at me  "You know he has been in care all his life, he has always felt very alone and your Mother and Cinnamon were the only family that he has ever had, and he didn't want to lose it.  A part of why he tried to hold onto his marriage before you arrived, and why he has been happy to put himself into this dysfunctional situation, when most wouldn't have."  I smile at him  "So please, don't blame yourself for anything!!  Me and your Mother are the ones who caused most of the mess, and Alpine wasn't so innocent himself, he was sneaking around with my Sister at the same time as I was sneaking about with your Mother!!"
        "Well he dislikes me for some reason!!"
        "Why do you say that?"  I frown at him
        "I never felt like he loved me, or even liked me most of the time.  I was the one who always got the blame and into trouble even when it wasn't me, they could do no wrong when everything I did was wrong.  I felt like I was an irritation to him most of the time, and we all know that he didn't like me because I am different."
        "Are you talking about you being gay?"
        "Partly, and of course, I'm not even his kid, he was always telling me I wasn't his son!!"
        "Only probably because of his brain damage, you know this has been very hard for him, having to watch what he is saying all the time, so that he didn't give the game away."  I laugh quietly  "You know as well as I do, he's not very comfortable with the whole gay thing and you are hard to live with because of your OCD, like me, your Dad struggles to live with me sometimes, it has probably just been a class of personalities."

        "He threw it at me a lot of times that I wasn't his son, which he didn't do to the girls, and it was really starting to play on my mind especially when there has never been any love there for me from him, and I have always been closer to you and Mango than Alpine."
        "Seriously Bay, please don't call your Dad by his name, especially not for him to hear!!"  I frown at him  "While I am very happy that you seem to be accepting me for who I am, he will always be your Dad, he loves you regardless of what you think, he raised you from a baby when I couldn't and he didn't have to.  He had the chance of a life with my Sister which he gave up for you and Cinnamon.  You probably don't realise the sacrifices all four of us have had to make to give the four of you a good and stable upbringing, one that didn't mash your heads up, which I would have done if he hadn't taken my place, and it wasn't just you three, Cinnamon would have been affected by my behaviour too.   We had to do what was best for all four of you, even though I know it hasn't been perfect, especially because of your Dad's brain damage - but please understand that we have done what was best for you in the long run, especially your Dad.  Me and your Mother had every reason, you being our kids, to want to protect you, but he didn't, he could have walked away with Cinnamon and left us to it ... so your Dad is the main reason why all three of you have grown up to be happy and mentally stable and not messed up in the head like Slate and Saffron are both now because of their parents and upbringing!!  If your Dad hadn't taken my place and been your Dad, I would now be no better than Gravel or Sunny, because I seriously would have messed you up. "

He just lies there saying nothing, he is not even looking at me now and I can see him twirling his thumbs in circles around each other, just like Mel does when she is troubled or has something on her mind.

        "Bay you need to tell me what is troubling you."
        "I just feel ... I don't understand why you even told us, when you keep ramming Dad in our faces saying it changes nothing ... but it does!!  It's like you don't want to be our Dad and are still trying to keep us at arms length ..."
        "Is this just how you feel or do the girls think this too?"
        "I ... I don't know exactly what they think, as usual they exclude me, they are too busy still giggling over you and Mom having a sex life!"  he pulls a face  "Mint doesn't seem bothered about any of it, and if she is, she isn't letting it show, she is like you, she keeps herself shut off."
        "What about Fudge?"
        "She ... she's very upset over Alpine not being her Dad, she's always been Daddies girl and his favourite after Cinn."  he laughs sarcastically  "I don't know how she feels about you being her Dad."
        "And how do you feel about me being your Dad?"
        "Relieved ... confused .... okay I guess ... but does it really matter how I feel when you are acting like you don't want to be our Dad and are still trying to keep us at arms length!!"
        "Bay that is the very last thing I am trying to do!!"  I smile at him 

 I can see he is starting to get upset, he has surprised me, here was me thinking that he would take this in a completely different way.  I expected him to be angry and hate me, but he seems to be struggling with this in another way.  He is suddenly giving me the impression that he has always felt unloved and unwanted.

I motion for him to move closer to me, and he comes over and sits on the edge of my bed..

       "If you want our relationship to change, then it can by all means, I would love nothing more that to finally be your Dad, it is what I've always wanted, but my phobia has always prevented me from doing."  I smile at him  "Don't think I don't love you, because I do, all three of you, it has almost destroyed me, you not knowing who I am, and having to only watch you from a distance, especially since you have all been teenagers."  he laughs quietly 
         "Why has it taken you so long to tell us."
         "Honestly, I have been trying for the past six years to get your Mother to come clean.  Neither of your parents wanted your teenage years to be ruined by this situation, especially if you took it badly, they thought it might mess your heads up.  They were probably right about waiting until you were all adults, even though I haven't been happy with it."  I smile at him  "I am only standing back now because I am scared, I didn't know how any of you would take this, or react to me.  I expected all three of you to hate me for not being here while you were growing up, like I hate myself, and the only reason I am going on about your Dad, is because there has always been the three of us in this and that will never change!!  The last thing I want to do is push Alpine out, take him away from you or cause any more trouble, after what he has done for me and the three of you.  He is the reason we have been able to hide me and protect you, without him I dread to think what I would have done to the three of you, mentally.  Obviously the three of you love him as your Dad, and this shouldn't change that, regardless of how you do eventually feel about me.  Under normal circumstances it might have been different, he could have coped with it better, but unfortunately we do have to accommodate his mental state, just like since the day you was born, we have had to accommodate my mental state."
          "Yeah isn't that just peachy, I end up with two Dads, who are both nutters!!"  he starts laughing
          "Better nutters than twisted like Sunny and Gravel."  I mumble  "You might not be happy right now with this situation or me, but honestly it could have been a hell of a lot worse than it is now!"

          "We are actually pretty stupid!"  he laughs sarcastically  "How have we never seen that me and Fudge have your hair, and that Mint looks just like you.  How have we never seen what has really been going on with Mom and Dad, especially you and Mom."  he rolls his eyes  "If I had thought about things properly over the years, I could have worked it out, I've seen you doing things ..."
          "What things?"  I frown at him
          "Since I was a child I can remember, when there was any trouble, you always seemed to suddenly appear from nowhere to take our side and sort it out.  I have seen and heard you having a lot of fights with Gravel, Sunny and Dad especially over me ..."  he laughs  "I over heard you once, telling Dad he had no right to hit me, you both said things in that argument that make perfect sense now, you even sent me to my room and grounded me.  I thought you was mad at the time, taking looking out for your mates kid too far ... but now I know why you was doing it.  Like the time you layed into Parsley when he was messing about with Strawberry behind Mint's back.  All the hassle with Dad, Sunny and Prelude over me being gay that you sorted out .... if I had thought about what you was doing properly, I could have worked it out."
         "We are really glad you never worked it out, because you knowing I was your real Dad while you was growing up would never have done you any good."
          "So what are you going to do about the new babies?"
          "Bay ... I really don't know."  I mumble "It depends on what your Mother decides to do."
          "Mom says you want her to get rid of them."
          "Yes, but you don't need to worry, I doubt that will ever happen, we have had this argument over three other pregnancies and your Mother won't budge, she will have those babies no matter what."  I roll my eyes  "Even though I mean it at the time I'm glad eventually that she doesn't go through with it ... like now,or you three wouldn't be here now."

          "So, you wanted her to get rid of all three of us?"
          "Actually we didn't argue over you, we weren't sure if you was going to be mine or Alpines ... it was Fudge, Mint and the baby she miscarried that we argued over.  Don't think I like what I am asking her to do, because I don't!!  It is only because of my phobia and the fear of what I have to face, the hell we have to go through."
          "If you say you are happy with us being here now, why would you want her to get rid of the new babies?"  he frowns at me
          "Obviously because of the hell that I have a head of me, but this time more for the fact that it seriously is not fair on any of us, especially not them!"
          "We are not going to be able to protect them from me and my phobia, like we did you three.  I am going to mess their heads up and ruin their lives, because we won't be able to hide me being their Dads with you and everyone else knowing."  he pulls a face  "Besides your Mother is at a really stupid age to be having more children, which is what is worrying me the most."
          "Why is it stupid?"
          "She is getting too old to be having more babies.  There is more of a risk of miscarriage because of her history, and more risk to hers and the babies health because of her age, and if they do arrive safely, she is going to have to bring these two babies up on her own.  We will have to continue living our dysfunctional lives separately, and just like with you three, I won't be any help to her, if anything I will just be a hindrance being around."  we pull faces at each other  "This time she won't even have Alpines help, it is not safe to bring up babies in the same house as him now, so he is going to have to be moved out, and probably into permanent hospice care before his time, which really isn't fair on him.  Then there is you three, how are you going to feel having to watch me acting like an irrational idiot and treating your Mother badly, because I do, not because I want to, because my phobia makes me."

         "Do you hit her?" he frowns at me
         "Hell no!!  It is only verbal, I've never hit her ... although she has hit me a time or two because of what I have said to her!  You will soon see it is your Mother that wears the trousers in our relationship not me!!"  this makes him laugh  "I shout and scream at her, I blame her for putting us through it, especially when she has the child around me ... I upset her, at the time and I can't help it, my head goes and so does my tongue, I don't know what I'm saying but it's never pleasant.  After I've walked away and calmed down, it upsets me, especially knowing I've upset her, I know she doesn't deserve it ... I really don't know why she has put up with my behaviour all these years or would want to go through all this again!!"  I roll my eyes
         "Probably because she loves you."
         "She must be totally mad!!"  I laugh  "And if you three don't understand me and my phobia now, trust me, by the time these two have grow up, you definitely will, and you will probably hate me!!  You will get to watch all the hell that they and I am going to have to go through for the first thirteen years of their life, because of my phobia, and it isn't going to be pleasant."
           "Granite thinks you should be able to cure your phobia now."  he smiles  "He has explained to me why you have it and what has been screwing you up so much.  He thinks now you are moving on and getting over it and him - your phobia should go."
           "Yeah that is what he thinks, and so does my psychiatrist.  I think that is what your Mother is also pinning her hopes on too, but I doubt I would ever be that lucky!!"  I pull a face at him  "I've been suffering with it since I was a teenager and I would give anything to be rid of it ... but it's just not happening."
           "But you are trying"
           "Of course I am!!  I have been trying unsuccessfully since the day I found out you was my Son!!"   I start to choke as I can feel myself starting to get upset 

The door swings open.  I glance towards it expecting it to be a nurse or Granite, but am very surprised to see both Mango and Tapestry walking in.  I doubt it is even 6am yet, so I am very surprised by them being here, especially Tapestry.  I could really do without this right now, all I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry over what I can see I have coming to me again, if Mel decides to go through with the pregnancy.

          "Daddy Leaf is awake!"  Tapestry starts laughing at me.
          "Yeah, and I hear Daddy Tap has been very busy!!"  I laugh half heartedly back at him.

I really am not in the mood and especially don't feel comfortable with him being here, now that I know he knows about Wisty.  If I know Tapestry he will be grilling me over it the first chance he gets, when I would much rather be forgetting all about it. 

         "FOUR babies ... you need to bottle it Tap.  They would love you down in the sperm bank."
          "Very funny!!"  he laughs at me  "Anyway it's Crystals fault there are four not mine!  Poly Cystic Ovaries, fertility treatment and all the identical twins in her family."
          "If you say so."  I laugh at him

Tapestry amuses me, he hands Bay a sandwich and a coffee that I can tell have come from the cafe and he tells him to eat it.  Bay jumps off the bed and goes to sit in the chair next to Tapestry, who just sits grinning at me.

          "It's nice to see you awake finally."  Mango smiles at me
          "It is still very early, have you two wet the bed?"  I laugh at them
          "No."  he laughs at me  "I have had a stressed out and upset Granite on the phone, waking me up and Tapestry was up anyway with Snow who doesn't sleep too well unless he's riding in the car or being pushed around in the buggy."
          "What is Granite stressing and upset about."  I frown at Mango
          "You!"  he smiles at me.

I don't ask why, as Mango checks me over then he walks to the end of the bed to take a look at my notes.

          "Where is Granite anyway?"  I mumble
          "Down in the coffee shop watching a sleeping Snow.  I had to give him some time out, so he could pull himself together."  I go to ask him what is upsetting Granite but he doesn't give me a chance to ask.  "So how did you get that nasty scar on your leg Forrest?"

Mango asks in a matter of fact way, while he is still looking at my notes.  I stare down at my legs and at the scar he is asking about ... my mind suddenly feels blank, it's almost like I'm looking at the scar for the first time, even though I can tell by the look of it, it has been there for years.

          "I ... I don't know?"  I frown as I continue to stare at the scar
          "You don't know or you can't remember?"  Mango asks as he puts down the notes and walks back up to the bed.
          "Isn't that the same thing."  I frown at him and he chuckles for a moment
          "I guess."  he laughs at me  "So you can't remember why your leg is so badly scarred?"
          "No."  I frown at him then back at my leg. I really can't remember.
          "What if I was to remind you ... me and Gravel were climbing a tree ..."  he mumbles as he just stares at me  "Does that help to jog your memory?"
          "No."  I mumble as I continue to stare at my leg  "Something is wrong isn't it ... I really can't remember."
           "Yes, I think there might be ... Granite is concerned, and now so am I."  he frowns at me  "You didn't recognise your Mothers engagement ring, or remember proposing to Granite.  You don't remember who Spot is, you don't know how you got that scar, you didn't remember Granites Mothers name ... Lost River Elf."  he laughs for a moment as he watches my face twisting  "You don't remember any of it do you?"
           "No."  I mumble

           "Can you remember anything from your childhood?"

Mango stands there frowning at me as I stare blankly back at him while I'm trying to think.  My head feels just as blank as my stare.  Mango suddenly starts really laughing

            "You have to remember the time when Granite got me and Gravel stoned?"  he continues to laugh
            "Dad SERIOUSLY?!"  Tapestry suddenly starts howling with laughter at Mango  "Please tell me after all the lectures you have given me, that you was a naughty boy yourself and have been smoking dope!"
            "Seriously Tapesty it was not through choice, and I didn't smoke it exactly."  he laughs but continues to watch me  "You don't remember do you?"
            "No, I don't .... should I?"  I frown at him
            "Yes you should as we laugh about it quite often."  he pulls one of his troubled faces  "Especially when we see a particular cake."
            "I want to hear how you got stoned Dad!"  I can't help but be amused at Tapestry and Bay, who are sat really laughing at each other.
            "Granite made some chocolate brownies and Gravel decided to pinch a handful.  We were only about ten, and we didn't know what Granite was up to, or that one of the ingredients was cannabis, not that we probably knew what it was at the time."
            "You ate space cakes!"  Tapestry starts howling
            "Yes we did, not knowing what we were eating, and it wasn't pretty, me and Gravel were both totally off our heads.  I was sick for days."  he laughs quietly  "Granite thought it was highly amusing, especially because Gravel had stolen the brownies, but he didn't laugh for long because mine and Forrest's Dad ripped shreds out of him, for making the space cakes in the first place and especially for leaving them lying around for us to eat."  he laughs  "They were actually meant for Forrest as a joke, but he never got to eat any."

I just stare at Mango blankly, not remembering any of it.

            "Mango, I really don't remember that."  I frown at him
            "According to Granite you don't remember proposing to him, so what about getting married?"
            "Yeah I remember us getting married ... but I don't remember why ... when I'm straight."  I mumble and he laughs at me for a moment.
            "What about her?"
            "What colour was she?  Who was she? How did she fade."
            "Orange ... Gravel's wife and she faded when Slate was born."
            "What about Garnet?"
            "Who's Garnet?"
            "You don't remember Garnet?"  he frowns at me
            "No ... should I?"
            "Yes seeing as he was one of your class mates and school friends when we were kids, until he faded."  his face twists  "He was Cardinal's older brother?"
            "No I don't remember."  I frown at him  "He faded?"
            "Yeah, he went swimming in the meadow pond ... he got his legs tangled up in some rubbish at the bottom and he drown."  his eyebrows rise a little  "It was actually you who found him.  It messed you up for months ... and that is the reason why you have such a problem with the colour red."  he raises his eyebrows a little  "I wouldn't be surprised if that isn't another phobia that you have on the quiet."
            "I really don't remember that ... or him."  I stare at Mango wide eyed.  "There is something wrong with my brain isn't there!"

           "It looks like it.  Your present day memory seems fine according to Granite - but your past ... he thinks there is signs of significant memory loss ... and I am beginning to think the same."  he just stares at me thoughtfully  "So Doctor Rock, how would you suggest we treat this?"  he asks and I have to laugh - he is testing me.
           "Blood, urine and nerve tests ... CAT and MRI scan."  I mumble
           "Right ... I will get that all arranged for today ... and in the mean time I suggest you get some rest, while you have the chance."  he smiles at me
           "Mango ... who is Spot?"
           "Granite's dog ...  and you really should remember him, as Spot was around for as long as I can remember.  You used to moan constantly because the dog slept in bed with Granite all the time.  Granite had him when he was a toddler, and the dog was about sixteen when he faded, just before you got married if I remember rightly."  he pulls a face  "Gravel again ... he suffocated the dog with a plastic bag just for the fun of it."
           "How did I get that scar on my leg?"  I frown at him
           "It happened when you was Fifteen.  Me and Gravel were eleven, and we got stuck up a tree that we were climbing ... Granite came up to help us down and while he was up there, Gravel pushed him out of the tree, we think on purpose."  he laughs  "You like an idiot, tried to catch him and break his fall.  He landed on you and you both ended up with smashed legs."  he points at my leg  "That particularly nasty scar was as a result of a compound fracture."
           "I really don't remember."
           "Yeah ... and that is what is worrying me."  he frowns at me  "Seeing as over the years, that is one of the things that you have never let me forget, we were laughing about it only last week!!"

We just stare at each other, and while I am madly trying to think, nothing is coming back to me

           "Is something wrong?"  Bay asks
           "There could be.  It is looking very much like Forrest is suffering from some kind of memory loss."  Mango mumbles
           "Oh fudge, he is not brain damaged like Dad is he?"  Bay starts to panic  "Will his memory loss come back?"
           "Until we have ran a few tests Bay, we can't really say.  Hopefully it is only temporary amnesia."  Mango mumbles .

I think maybe he said that to make him feel better as we can both see he is starting to panic a little.

          "Don't even think about worrying your Mother with this right now Bay!"  he laughs at Bay as he watches him pulling out his phone, like I do.  "We are having enough trouble keeping her blood pressure down.  We should really hold off telling her anything until we know for sure, otherwise she is going to get herself worked up into a tizzy which won't do her or the babies any good."
          "Mel is okay isn't she?"  I frown at him
          "Yeah, she is fine other than her blood pressure which is on the high side, and not coming down, so she could really do without any added stress!!"  he rolls his eyes  "I'll get on and organise these tests, the quicker they are done, the quicker we will know what is going on with you."

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't a doctor, and this is one of those times. 

As I watch Mango walking out of the room, my mind is running through everything that could be causing this memory loss ....

Now I'm worried!!!


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