Chapter 1 - Gen 1 - Lilly White Orchid

~ Family Portrait ~

Every day of my childhood have been pretty miserable.  I have grown up in a loveless family, and every day I am reminded that it is my fault that our family has fallen apart.  

I am different and my family will never forgive me for that!!.  My family are purple berry's and while we live in a colourful world here in Rainbow Valley, I am different, I am void of colour, completely white, even dead looking, there is definitely something not right about the way that I look.  I love my family but I am not sure they feel the same way about me.

My world is purple, my parents, my brother, everywhere I look, everything in our home is purple, except for me.  I am colourless, a mutation, defective, a freak, abnormal, just some of the ways that I have been described.  I really don't know why I am the way that I am, why I lack colour, it has never been explained to me, all I know is that my family hate me for it.

I hate the weekends, not that the week days and school are any better, but at the weekend I am stuck in this house with him, there is no escaping Prelude at home.  We are expected to play together "nicely" like a normal brother and sister would, but we are not normal, and he hates it just as much as I do.  We are both only out here together to avoid the screaming and shouting going on in the house, otherwise we would be going out of our way to avoid each others company.

Dad is yelling really loudly inside the house, then we hear something smash which makes Prelude spring to his feet.  I thought he might be heading inside, to check that Mom was alright, to see what vase, ornament or picture Dad had just thrown this time, but he didn't he turned on me.

      "You!!  I hate you!!  It was alright until you came and spoilt everything!!"  

My brother hisses at me, he points at me with that evil look in his eyes, which tells me I am in for yet another of his beatings - but I do not run, there is no point - he always catches me and beats me anyway, so why prolong the agony.

     "They are in there arguing again because of you - you colourless freak!!"  he yells at me.

This is my life, fighting with my brother Prelude who is three years older than me, basically he bullied me and My parents, they turned a blind eye to his tormenting, they never seemed to notice and if they did they acted like they didn't care.   Prelude is their golden child - he is perfect  - he can do no wrong - whereas I am their reject, and I would be the one getting the scolding even if Prelude started it.

 He hated me, I could see it in his eyes, he blames me for our parents fighting, he blames me for our unhappy home, it is my fault Dad now drinks himself silly then comes home and takes it out on Mom, and it is my fault that Mom spends half of her life unhappy and crying.

So Prelude has told me a million times over, our family was happy until I arrived, our parents were happy, my arrival caused them to fall apart.  It is like an unwritten law in Rainbow Valley, each colour berry stick to their own colour, this helps to keep the continuation of each colour pure,  so a purple berry will only marry another purple berry and have purple berry children.  When I arrived, not purple but colourless, this caused quite a stir.

Our parents overnight were virtually outcast, ridiculed and sneered at by the rest of the town. Where had I come from?  Why was I colourless?  Nobody had ever seen any berry like me before, completely without colour, the community shunned what they didn't understand, and my parents paid for it.  The gossip started, they lost their friends, my brother was laughed at and picked on at school, my Dad lost his job and my parents cracked under the strain.

I quite often look at this photograph of my parents taken before I was born.  My Mom, happily smiling- I have never once seen her smile - and know, if I had never been born, they would still be like this, but because of me they are not.

Mom and Dad arguing was nothing new.   They argued most of the time, mainly about money - Dad's drinking - him being a "bum" (as Mom called him) always slouched out on the couch watching daytime TV,  no intention of trying to find work while she slaved for a pittance at the local grocery store to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads.  Whose fault it actually was that I was born colourless is one of their favourite and most common arguments, but their worst arguing always happened when Dad crawled in from one of his drinking sessions at the local Dive bar.  I am sure somewhere deep down they still love each other because as bad as it gets - they are still together.

Today Dad is sober, I don't have a clue why they are arguing or why Prelude seemed to be a little more angrier than normal. While he is hurling his insults at me, he really isn't giving me any clue as to why he too seems to be as worked up as our parents are.  All three of them seem super angry at the moment.

     "It's not my fault Mom and Dad are arguing!!" I snap at him

     "Yes it is, freak, its ALWAYS your fault!!"

     "What did I do?"

     "You are breathing that's what - I wish you had never been born!!!"

He flies at me, I tried to avoid his grasp but it is too late, he already has a hold of me.

Of course he is bigger and stronger than me, there is never any contest he always kicks my butt.  I am sure he enjoys doing it just as much as I hate it, why else would he keep doing it, because he knows he can.  One day I will get my own back - one day I will!!!

Prelude is laughing hysterically behind me, maybe he has seen what I can see, Mom with a face like thunder coming towards us, fists clenched, I am in for it, there is no way she is going to shout at her precious purple angel, its me she is heading for - it is always me!!  I felt unloved and it hurt.

     "What have I told you about fighting with your brother!!??" she yelled at me.  

There is no point me even trying to plead my case, he started it but as is usually the case, I am the one who gets the blame.  I just stand quietly and listen while she carries on yelling, reading me the riot act, that I have heard so many times before.

     "You can take 'time out' young lady, and you can thank your lucky stars it is not your Dad out here right now, you too Prelude, inside and 'time out', I am sick of the pair of you fighting!!"

It is not often that Prelude is ever punished, but today, for a change, he too was put in 'time out' - whatever our parents are arguing about - it must be serious - its not often either of them get mad with Prelude!!  I know one thing for sure he will make me pay for this later no doubt.

I really hated my life - I wish I could run away and never come back, but I have nowhere to go, I don't even have a friend, everyone hated me, even I hated me because of my lack of colour.

Why did I have to be born this way?!

Deep inside my miserable thoughts, I wasn't aware Prelude was creeping up behind me.

I didn't hear him coming.

     "RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR" he scared me half to death.

     "BERRY HOLE!!"  I screamed at him

     "Don't swear at me FREAK!!"

He lunged himself towards me again, our second punch up of the day and if either of our parents came out it was not going to be good!!

I had to get out of here, sick of Prelude's constant bullying and I couldn't stand the sound coming from the house, Mom and Dad's yelling was going straight through me, I couldn't listen to it for a minute longer.

We are not allowed out of the house at weekends without telling our parents where we were going.  I just took off - I slipped through the side gate and took off down the road.  I was going to get into trouble for fighting anyway, so what difference did it make me getting into trouble for leaving the house without their permission?!  At least I would be getting into trouble for something I had actually done myself for a change.  I didn't have any friends that I could call on, and went to the only place I knew I could get some peace and quiet, where I could be alone.

This is not the only beach in town but this one is rarely visited by anyone except me.  Only the odd kissing couple from time to time use this place, they come here for privacy, but they never bother me, and I don't bother them, half the time they are too busy with each other to even notice I am here.  For the most part I am generally here alone.  I loved being here, it is very peaceful, the sound of the seagulls and the sea crashing onto the sand always has a calming effect on me, it made me feel better inside somehow.

This is my safe place, my sanctuary, this is where I run to when I need to get away.  Here I can read my book without being disturbed, I can cry without anyone poking fun at me or build sand castles that are not going to get stamped on and destroyed by my horrible brother.  Here I don't have to hear my parents screaming and shouting, I don't  have to hear all the nasty things they say to each other and I don't have to hear my Mom crying.   I wished sometimes I could stay here forever, but I know before it gets dark, I would get hungry and I would have to go home.

I crept back into the house,  Mom and Dad were still arguing in their room.  I crept up the stairs and across the landing slipping quietly into my bedroom.  I pulling the door quietly too behind me, hoping to hide out for as long as possible before either of my parents came to punish me.

Their yelling carried on, being in the room next door to theirs I could hear them quite clearly.  I sat on the floor holding my teddy tight, I just wanted it to stop - it was horrible listening to them especially knowing it was all my fault.  I heard Dad threatening to leave us and I panicked, as much as I hated the way that he is, the last thing I wanted was for him to leave, he was my Dad and I needed him here.

Their bedroom door was slightly ajar, open just enough for me to slip inside, to busy tearing strips off each other, they did not see me standing there.  I thought maybe I could beg Dad not to leave, but they still had not noticed me so I said nothing.

     "Lavender I've told you how I feel you have a choice, me or that baby, get rid of it or I'm leaving!!"  I have heard Dad threaten a thousand times to leave and he hasn't yet. This time it felt somehow like he really meant it.

     "I am not getting rid of this baby when there is a chance it could be perfectly normal, there was nothing wrong with Prelude, so why should this baby be any different."

     "Lilly remember, the doctor said it could happen again, I can't believe you did this to us, we are barely holding it together as it is, another child like Lilly will finish us and you know it."

     "If you stopped wallowing in self pity and packed in your drinking ...... "  She never got to finish what she was saying because Dad jumped in, he was getting angry again.

     "Don't bring my drinking into this Lavender, you stopped taking those damn pills without even discussing it with me, knowing there is a chance we could have another colourless child, you went and did it anyway, you will be the one ruining this family not my drinking!!"

 Now I think I understood why Prelude had been so angry with me earlier, he knew what they were arguing about.  We are getting a baby brother or sister, Mom is pregnant and Dad is really not happy about it, he thinks it will turn out like me and that is why he is threatening to leave.  If Dad gets his way there will be no baby - but if Mom does have this baby is Dad going to leave?  and what if the baby turns out like me, colourless, then what is going to happen?

It is all too scarey, I really don't hold out too much hope for the future of this family.

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Song used:  "Family Portrait" by Pink  (Song) (Lyrics)