Chapter 2 - Gen 1 - Lilly

~ Wanna be Loved ~ 

"I see ya Lil"  Mulberry sits opposite me, his left eye covered and is peeking through the fingers of his right hand at me, he thinks I can't see him both of my eyes hidden behind my hands.   I sit as still as a statue not answering because I know it winds him up

"Lil .... I sed .... see ya"  he mutters again but I don't respond, sitting as still as I can trying my hardest not to giggle at him, I am watching him through the tiniest of cracks between two of my fingers.  The gap between his fingers is getting wider and wider as he leans forward looking at me, his little forehead all creased up in a frown.

"LIL.....!!!"  he shouts at me, he is so impatient.  If I stayed like this for much longer he will soon be getting ratty and trying to prize my fingers away from my face angrily with his chubby little hands that always smell of baby powder.  I would rather see him laughing.

"I had a roof over head"

"BOOO"  I spring my hands away from my face and watch him jump back, eyes wide, the surprise hits him first, then he always falls about laughing hysterically, rocking backwards and forwards holding his feet and laughing.  He has the cutest laugh I have ever heard and hearing him laugh always makes me laugh, we both sit there laughing together for ages, usually until my sides hurt.

"I had shoes on my feet"

"Agen ......... Agen" he covers his eyes again, he could sit here and play peek a boo all day.

"Ok, once more." I cover my eyes again and wait for him to speak.

"I see ya Lil"

"Yeah sure I was fed"

"Little man you stink!!  I think someone needs a nappy change."  Dad came along and just picked Mulberry up halfway through our game, he had to go and spoil it!!

Mulberry started to protest kicking his little legs as Dad hoisted him into the air.   "No Daddie play wiv Lil!!" at the same time as I did  "Daaaaaad!!  we are playing!!" I moaned at him.

"I don't know how you can sit there Lilly, he stinks..... have you done your homework? its bath and bedtime you have school in the morning and this little one should be in bed already"

I watch the way Dad is with Mulberry, how he smiles at him, gives him cuddles, tickles and speaks to him, the same way he is with Prelude, but that is not how either of my parents have ever been with me - it hurt - am I really so awful because I am colourless??

"But no one was there when I was in need"

Mom got her way - she kept the baby she was carrying and Dad did not leave like he threatened too, he stuck it out waiting to see how the baby turned out, and I never doubted that if the baby had arrived colourless like me he would have walked straight out the door.  For the 8 months we had to wait for the baby to come, we lived in hell.  Their fighting got so bad sometimes I wished one of them would leave just to give us some peace and quiet.

"So who am I now?"

When my little brother Mulberry arrived a normal purple berry - everyone was relieved.  I heard Dad say to her that she had won her game of Russian Roulette with all of our lives but she was NEVER to play it again, I didn't have a clue what he meant or even what Russian Roulette is - I didn't care because for the first time ever I actually saw my Mom smile. 

"Who do you want me to be"

Mulberry's arrival changed all of our lives for the better, don't get me wrong, our life is still far from perfect, but it is better than it has ever been and has changed all of us, well, all except for Prelude who is still the same berry hole that he has always been!!

Dad has stopped drinking and he has even got a job, and I now see Mom smiling sometimes and I hardly ever hear her crying anymore.  Even though their arguments still continue they are no where near as bad as they were, but don't forget I am still here, the colourless freak, that will never go away, it will always cause problems.

"I can forgive you but I won't relive you"

I love my little brother and am a lot happier because for the first time I feel like somebody loves me, Mulberry does not care what colour I am  - when he sees me his little face lights up with a huge smile - he always looks happy to see me and I have never had that from anyone before.

"I ain't the same scared kid that I used to be"

I seriously believe I have a monster living under my bed even though I have never actually seen it with my own eyes.  Some nights I hardly think about it - other nights it scares me so much that I find it hard to sleep and spend the night sitting in my rocking chair taking short naps waiting for the monster to come out - tonight is one of those nights.

"I'm gonna live"

Earlier I had found Prelude sitting in the rocking chair in my room, he has a nerve, he always goes mental at me for going into his room, yet he thinks he can come into mine when ever he pleases.

"What are you doing in my room Prelude?   Get out !!!"   I snapped at him, but he just cuts those evil eyes of his at me and carries on rocking backwards and forwards in my rocking chair.

"I came to feed the monster under your bed but he isn't hungry yet, he wants to eat you tonight instead."  He then jumped off the chair and walked out of my room laughing.

I am trying to sleep but it is just not happening, I can not stop thinking about the monster, I need to get up and check under my bed.

"I'm gonna survive"

Nervously I got down on my hands and knees and tried to take a look, but it is way too dark under there, I can't see anything.

"Don't want the world to pass me by"

Quickly springing back to my feet, I planed to go and sit in my chair so that I could keep watch - that is when I saw it!!!  The green scaly hand came out from underneath my bed and at first I froze.  The hand was feeling around on the carpet like it was looking for me - I was stuck - to get away from it I would have to jump over it but I knew if I stayed where I was it would get me.

"I'm gonna dream"

I quickly ran and jumped over the green hand which was still moving around on the carpet.  In a panic to get away from it, I tripped and fell, I thought the monster would get me for sure and I let out a really loud scream.

Suddenly I heard laughing - Prelude!!!
Looking in the direction of his laughing I saw his head pop up from the other side of my bed, he was on his hands and knees creased up with laughter.  When he stood up he was holding the big green arm in his hand, and he started waving it at me - still laughing - I just wanted to cry.

"I ain't gonna die"

Dad appeared demanding to know what was going on - Prelude, still laughing, told him how he had just scared the living daylights out of me with the monster arm.  Dad was not impressed, he did not find it amusing, I half expected him to laugh with Prelude, but he didn't, and for once gave Prelude a right telling off.  something I would have to pay for the next time Prelude gets me alone!!

"Thinking my life was just a lie"

After having a big fight with Prelude, Dad got the job of trying to convince me there were no such things as monsters living under the bed, Prelude had made the whole thing up just to frighten me ...... and it had worked!!   Little does Dad know that he has been winding me up for years with this monster under my bed - I don't know why he chose now to play his prank with the big green cardboard arm.    After Dad thought he had calmed me down he read to me until I fell asleep - that was a first.

"I want to be loved"

Prelude now has a girlfriend, Violet, and as is expected she is a purple berry.
There is something very strange about Violet, her eyes, I swear they shine in the dark like a cats do, she has a funny v shaped mark on her neck that she says is a birth mark, and like Prelude, she does not like me very much.  When Violet and Prelude are together I make sure I keep well out of their way, together they make quite the evil team.

"I want to be loved"

They actually leave me alone as long as I stay out of their way, most of the time they are too busy with each other anyway, they never stop kissing and messing about - it is pretty gross!!

"I found a picture"

There is a right racket coming from Preludes room, giggling, screaming and it sounds like there are a herd of elephants running around in the room - of course there isn't it's just Prelude and Violet messing about.  Our parents are out and I get the feeling that they are doing things that they shouldn't be doing, like they always do when Mom and Dad are not home.  Walking past his room on the way to my bedroom, his door was open just enough for me to see what they were doing, I quickly moved away so that I didn't see any more, I had already seen too much.

"Our so called family tree"

I had hardly stepped foot in my room when Prelude grabbed me roughly by the arm swinging me round to face him.  His fingers digging into my arm and he did not let go.

"OUCHHH That hurts!!!"  he did not let go like I wanted him too,  he tightened his grip hurting me even more.

"Not only are you a freak - but you are also a pervert!!!" he yelled at me  "Tell Mom and Dad what you saw me and Vi doing and I WILL kill you!!"

"I broke all the branches looking for answers"

Just to give me a warning, he decided to kick my but anyway, to remind me what would happen if I grassed him up.  He is a teenager - I am child what chance do I stand really??

"Don't you know that ain't how its supposed to be"

My face was hurting so badly I wanted to cry, but I had to keep it all in, if he saw me crying he would more than likely start on me again.  I let him leave the room, he slammed the door on his way out, that was when I let the tears fall.  This time he has gone way too far, I was used to the odd bruise or two, but nothing like this, he hit me really hard, harder than he ever has before.  My face hurt like hell and there was no way I could hide what he had done.

"I'm gonna live ...... I'm gonna survive"

"What did you do to your face Lilly?"  My Dad was the first one to spot my black eyes and bruised cheek.  I could not tell him what had happened, Prelude would just get me again for grassing him up, so I said nothing.
"Lilly how did your face get like that?"  he demanded again, I was going to have to say something so I quickly told him that I had fallen over outside, he just stood there looking at me for a minute, I hoped he would take my explanation and walk away but he didn't.  "You don't get two black eyes from falling over without bashing up your nose too - did somebody hit you?"
I told him again I had fallen over but I could see he did not believe me and he was getting angry.  He took my hands and turned them over looking at my palms, I didn't understand what he was doing, then he checked my legs then my arms.  "No grazes on your knees or your hands and what is this??"  He said pointing to more bruises at the top of my left arm - a line of small bruises that Preludes fingers must have left when he roughly grabbed hold of my arm.  "Lilly, who did this??"  he was getting angrier by the minute, I had no other choice but to tell him the truth and it only took one word - Prelude - but I did not tell him why Prelude had done it.

"Don't want the world to pass me by"

After he had finally got the truth out of me,  he went ballistic,  and the arguments started between Prelude and our parents.

"I'm gonna dream"

"I ain't gonna die"

Mom and Dad for once were not fighting with each other they were trying to decide what to do,  Preludes hatred of me was plain for everyone to see and it worried them - they had to think about my safety and Mulberry, if the school were concerned about the state of my face this could bring social services to our door - so they made a decision.

"Thinking my life was just a lie"

I was watching Mulberry playing happily on the floor singing to his doll, oblivious of what was about to happen.  I wandered if he would miss me as much as I am going to miss him, would he notice straight away that I was no longer here to play with him.

"I just want to be loved"

 They are sending me away from here, to a boarding school, they say it is for my own safety, but I am not so sure, shouldn't it be Prelude that they send away from here and not me??!!  Somehow I get the feeling that they have finally worked out a way to get rid of me from their lives.  Prelude is definitely getting exactly what he wanted - me gone.  I fell asleep feeling very unloved.

"I want to be loved"

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After reading for what seemed like hours,  I needed a break and put down the book.  The little girls life and her creep of a brother was troubling me, but my own was troubling me more - I was still here in this white room and as yet I had not heard a sound or seen a single soul, nobody came to answer my questions.

"I ain't gonna cry"

The silence was eerie but that did not bother me as much as the fact that I still was struggling to remember anything about myself.  I wandered if reading that book was a good idea, I now had the little girls life in my head and am getting even more confused, trying to dig through my thoughts to find a little piece of me that might help me to remember who I am and what am I doing here.

"I don't want to scream"

Reading and sleeping are the only two things that I had to do in this place.

"But I got so much left unsaid inside of me."

Maybe I will remember something when I wake.

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Song: "Wanna be loved" - Bon jovi (Song) (Lyrics)