Chapter 25 - Gen 1 - Lilly

~ Arms ~


I tapped on Mango's bedroom door lightly as I began to open it quietly.  I did not even wait for a reply thinking by now he would probably be asleep.   As soon as I started to push the door open I noticed his light is still on and am surprised to see him still awake and lay on the bed reading a book.

Mango looked up at me from over the top of his book for a few moments and smiled, then his eyes went back to his book.  "I just have one more page to read then I'll be with you"  he said as I started to make myself comfortable lying down on the bed beside him.  I feel like a scared child running and jumping into his bed because I am too scared to spend the rest of the night alone in my own room.  I hate the nights when he's called into do emergency surgery and he is not here I usually end up pacing about downstairs until he comes home.

He soon put his book down on the bedside table  "What's up, bad dreams again?"

"Yes"  I replied and he just sat there looking at me for a few minutes.

"This is happening every night now isn't it!!"  he said and I just nodded.  Every night I disturb his sleep by crawling into his bed most of the time waking him up  "You know it would help if you talked to me about what is in these nightmares of yours."  I just shake my head at him, we have had this conversation many times before, he knows I don't want to talk about it - I can't - it would mean me having to admit something that I'm too scared of.

He doesn't argue with me or try to get it out of me, he's long since given up on trying to get me to open up about my nightmares, he changes the subject completely and starts talking about something totally random.

We talked for hours until we both fell asleep.

I sat bolt upright in a mad panic, struggling to catch my breath.  I am back in that bush again struggling to get myself free of the branches and undergrowth that are holding me down.  Mango is lying on the floor motionless and I can see him but I can't get to him - I know if I don't hurry it is going to be too late - so I start fighting with the bush to get myself free.

In reality I'm fighting with the bed sheets trying to kick them off me as they are tangled around my feet -  not fully awake or aware that I'm in the middle of yet another nightmare.  A repetitive nightmares that has started to plague my sleep every time I close my eyes. 

My thrashing about woke Mango up.  "Lilly are you ok?"  hearing his voice makes me realize where I am and that he is here, safe and unharmed, unlike in the nightmare I've just been having again.

"Bad dreams again?"  he said as he rubbed his eyes and squinted at the clock on the wall, but without his contact lenses in I doubt that he can even see it.

"I'm sorry!!!"  I feel awful for keep waking him up, I do this every night, if I'm not having nightmares I'm sleep talking which amuses him but either way he's a light sleeper and I'm keeping him awake and I know it isn't fair even though he never complains.

"Was it the same nightmare again?"  I nodded at him and he just sighs.  I suspect he thinks I'm having bad dreams about Cosmic but I'm not, the nightmares are always about him - Lime taking Mango away from me in the same way as she took Cosmic and the baby away from me, the same way that she tried to take Alpine away from Caramel.

"I'm Sorry, I hate keep waking you!!"

"It's ok."  he said smiling at me "I think it's time you let me get you some counseling, with your nightmares and sleep talking there is something going on in that head of yours that needs sorting out medically!!."

"I don't need counseling!!"  I protested

"Well I think you do, until you deal with whatever it is that is stressing you out, this is never going to stop, if you won't talk to me about it then maybe you can talk to a counselor."  he ran his finger across my cheek wiping away the tears that I hadn't realized I'd been crying  "Lilly you can't keep going on like this - it's not healthy!!"  If only I could tell him, but I'm too scared to take that final step, and how silly that makes me feel.

"Come here."  he said holding his arm up for me to crawl under.  He holds me tightly and makes me feel safe and warm again and it's not long before I drift back off to sleep in his arms.  This has become a regular routine almost every night over the past six months since I've started to have these nightmares.

The nightmares only started after I finally realized something important.

I had only ever planned to stay here for one week, but when the week was over, as I suspected, Mango didn't want me to leave, he begged me to stay for another week. At the time giving into him was a pretty selfish act on my behalf, I should have gone home, it would have been the best thing for him, me living with him was just making him fall deeper and deeper, he wasn't even trying to fight it any more or hide it he definitely wasn't doing the right thing for himself having me around him constantly.  I was selfish and I didn't really want to go either, I couldn't face the thought of going back to that purple house with all the constant reminders in it, so I didn't go back, I stayed with Mango.

The weeks turned into a month, then two months and by the time the third month came around we no long talked about me going home,  I just stayed and we were quite happy with the strange life that we had built for ourselves.  I was slowly healing somewhere that I was happy to be with the only person who could have helped me through it and Mango was happy to settle with having only a part of me, he said having something was better than having nothing. But at first it worried me, we couldn't live like this forever, I thought he is going to have a mighty hard and painful fall back to reality when I finally do have to make the break - of course at the time I still couldn't see what was coming.

The time started flying by and before we knew it a whole eighteen months had flown by but the more time that went on something started to change in me and I no longer worried about making that break, I knew I would never be able to leave him - the more time that passed the less I thought about Cosmic until I rarely thought about him at all.   As my feelings for Cosmic were slowly fading I had other feeling that were strongly growing that I found I could no longer ignore, no matter how hard I tried to ignore them.

I had somewhere along the way found that I had fallen in love with Mango and it scared me too much to even tell him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked into the living room to find Mango and Alpine bickering over me and Caramel going out for the evening on our own.

" .... she's long gone, Mango you need to get a grip and let it go!!  If I can after she nearly faded me I'm sure you can!!  You can't watch over her 24/7 forever it's gonna drive you insane, if it hasn't already!!"  Alpine snapped at Mango, it is unusal to see them fighting since the hit and run Mango and Alpine have been the best of friends, Alpine now sees Mango like he's the super hero that put him back together and fixed him to keep him alive.

"I don't know ..........."  Mango mumbled

"They have phones, they are only going to the dive bar 3 doors away, it's been nearly 2 years if Lime was going to do anything she would have done it by now!!  They will be fine."

Mango still stood there pulling faces.

"Besides, I can't go I have to look after the kids and I need you to stay with me, you know what my brain is like these days, it only works half of the time, I'll forget to feed them or something, for Berry's sake I can't even remember this ones name at the moment!!"  he snapped as he pointed at the little girl he held in his arms.


"Okay Okay!!"  Mango said  "But if anything happens to them ........"

"NOTHING is going to happen to them!!"

So we left Alpine and an unhappy Mango baby sitting the three children and me and Caramel went out.

We had only just sat down when Caramel said something that I really wasn't expecting  "So what are these nightmares about that you keep having?" 

There is only one way that she could know about my nightmares  "Mango has put you up to this hasn't he!!??"

"Yes he did but it's only because he's worried about you and he thought you might talk to me seeing as you won't talk to him about it."

"I'm going to kill him!!"

"Lil please don't be hard on him, he's worried sick about you, plus its really upsetting him."

"Why is it upsetting him, he's said nothing to me about being upset!!"

"Well he wouldn't to you because he thinks you are still dreaming about Cosmic every night and it's cutting him up!!"

"Well he is being really stupid because I'm not dreaming about Cosmic at all, I'm dreaming about .........."  I stopped myself suddenly because I nearly blurted it out.

"Go on, you can't just stop there - you're dreaming about ........... who or what??"

"I'd rather not say, can't we just change the subject and talk about something a little more interesting!!" 

 "No!!  You need to talk to someone about it, having nightmares nearly every single night and more than once a night can't be nice - I nearly fell over when he told me you two sleep together every night in the same bed because of your nightmares - he told me you wake him up some nights three or four times a night thrashing about and screaming - it's not ..... normal"  I just sat there shaking my head at her  "Spill because you know if you don't I'll just wait till I've got you drunk then I'll get it out of you."  she started laughing.

I took a huge gulp of my drink, knowing she's not going to drop this till I tell her. 

"You know I'm good at keeping secrets, I won't even tell Mango if you don't want me to."   She smiles at me.  "You know my secrets ..."
"Yeah, how is your sordid affair going?"  I snigger
"Its great!  And nobody has cottoned on to what the three of us are up to."  she grins at me  "So come on ... spill!!"

 I took a deep breath  "Okay but you have got to swear you won't say anything not even to Alpine and especially not Mango!!"  I grin at her  "Or you might find my tongue start slipping ... what's his name again ... !"  I laugh at her.

"Seriously My lips are sealed!!" she smiled at me, normally I know I can trust her to keep my secrets, but I wandered about this one.

"The nightmares I'm having are not about Cosmic at all, I actually don't think about him very often these days, the nightmares are always about Mango, Lime fading him, I'm scared I'm going to lose him too, and I can't bear to go through all that pain again."

She just sat there grinning at me which I found strange.

"I knew it!!"  she said still grinning  "I saw the way you was looking at Mango earlier - the same way you used to look at Cosmic  ...... Lilly!! ...... you love Mango don't you!!"

"Is it that obvious?"  I'm shocked that she said it and relieved that I didn't have to.


"Oh Berry .......... you do!!" 

Suddenly we heard a loud smash that made both me and Caramel jump

"Sorry!!  Just a bottle"  the mixologist said as she carried on mixing a drink for a guy stood at the other end of the bar.  I couldn't take my eyes off the mixologist, she somehow seemed very familiar to me even thought I couldn't say I'd ever seen her before.

"Does she look familiar too you?"  I asked Caramel but she said she didn't recognize her and didn't seem bothered by the mixologist at all, unlike me who couldn't stop watching her.  Caramel quickly getting the conversation back to where we had left it.

"So come on how long have you felt like that about Mango?"

"Probably about 6 months."  she was just taking a sip of her drink which she nearly choked on.


"SIX MONTHS .......... Lilly!!! ........ why on earth have you done nothing about it, and that poor guy don't you think he's waited long enough for you .....  SIX MONTHS  ...... he needs putting out of his misery!!"

"You have to promise me you won't tell him!!"

"Why for Berry's sake would you not want him to know?"

I found it hard trying to explain all the thoughts swimming around in my head to her in an orderly fashion that she could understand.  Basically I am too scared to love again - to open myself up to all that heartache, I already can't bare the thought of losing him and if we stay as we are it's not going to hurt either of us so much.  I'm also really scared of how differently this love feels to what I felt for Cosmic it confuses me and I'm not even sure I'm ready to deal with it.  Then there are my childhood fears that I can't ignore, I'm colourless, I'm meant to be lonely, I'm meant to have nobody love me especially when my own parents can't, Cosmic loved me and look what happened to him, I can't let Mango love me completely too scared the same thing might happen to him.  Of course we spent hours talking, Caramel trying to talk some sense into me, but it didn't really make me feel that much better.

Caramel had just popped to the toilet when my phone started ringing and without even thinking I just answered it straight away, I thought maybe Mango is checking up on us.  All that greeted me is silence, I said hello but nobody spoke in reply, pulling my phone away from my ear I looked at the screen "Withheld number"  putting the phone back to my ear I said hello again, there is just silence then after a few seconds the phone clicked off.  I shut my phone up irritated by the silent phone call, hoping it wasn't what I thought it might be.

"Are you sure you don't know that mixologist?"  I asked Caramel again as she is still bugging me.

"No, I'm positive"

After one too many drinks and making fools of ourselves on the karaoke machine, by the time we left the dive bar we were both like a pair of giggling idiots, a little tipsy and wobbly on our legs.  We staggered slowly home laughing all the way and returning a lot later than we had meant to.

Alpine and Caramel left the kids as they were all sound asleep because we had got back so late, it seemed a shame to disturb them so Mango told them to leave the kids sleeping and they went home alone and said they would be back in the morning to collect them.  Mango went into check on the twins before going up to bed and I'm left alone swaying on unsteady legs in the living room, my head swimming from all the alcohol that I'd consumed that I'm not really used to.

My phone started ringing, "Withheld number"  flashed up on my phone screen again, I said hello but knew I'd just hear silence on the other end.

 Lime ... she is starting again isn't she ... see because I've admitted out loud to Caramel how I feel about Mango Lime is already on her way to get him or me.  My drunken mind is already racing away with itself

A few minutes later my phone went off again.  I just stood staring at the withheld number flashing up on the screen again and left the phone ringing I had no intention of answering it, after a few more rings I turned the phone off completely so that it wouldn't ring again.

I was stood there in the living room not really sure what to do, I have a really nasty feeling that Lime is going to start again, just thinking about what might be coming made the tears start rolling down my face.   Mango's Dad made me jump I hadn't noticed him walk into the room  "Lilly whatever is the matter?"

"Nothing I'm fine."  I said quickly trying to wipe the tears from my face even though it is too late he's already seen that I'm crying.

"You're crying, so you are not fine!!  What's wrong?"  he said

I nearly told him about the silent phone calls and what I thought then I noticed Mango had walked into the room and was stood there and had just watched me wipe another load of tears off my face.  My head is swimming and I couldn't face for him to know about the silent calls tonight he would only start flapping, I'll tell him tomorrow when I'm sober.

"Dad, what's going on?"  Mango said

"I don't know son I just found her here crying, she won't tell me what's wrong with her."

"Lilly?"

"I'm ok."  I said as I tried to side step away from them but I stumbled and my legs gave way, Mango just managing to catch me before I fell completely.

"Are you drunk??!!"  he started laughing as he held me up.  "You smell like a brewery." 

"I think I am." I hiccuped which made them both laugh

"I think its bedtime for you!!"  he said as he swept me up into his arms and carried me to my room, I fell asleep on him before we had even reached the top of the stairs.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Song:  Arms ~ Christina Perri

Chapter 24 - Gen 1 - Lilly

~ No Surprise ~ 



Mango and Maizie's relationship amuses me no end,  it is so volatile, they fight much more than they are civil to each other and the slightest thing sets them off.  I even think they fight and argue more than my own parents did when I was younger.  I seriously do not know why they are even together, what keeps them together?  Their sex life maybe?  I shuddered at the thought.

Maizie was really happy when Mango decided to stay and take the promotion, she couldn't have gone to the new town with him, even if he had wanted her to, which he didn't.  Being a mixed berry she would have caused a scandal, she is like all of the other mixed berries here, bound to stay in this town for the rest of her life .

I'm not so sure I'm happy about having to hear them making out behind me, especially as Maizie is making a meal of it just for my benefit - she thinks she has got what I want, the only thing she doesn't realise is that I don't want ............. well at least I thought I didn't.

I'll give it an hour before they are ripping each others heads off again.

I stopped painting, my wrist was starting to ache.  I realised I'd been painting for hours, I'd totally lost all track of the time.  The house is really quiet, I presumed Mango must have gone to the hospital as he's on call today and I heard Maizie saying at breakfast that there were a few things she needed to get from town today.  I thought the house was empty, I knew Mango's parents were both at work and its never this quiet when Mango and Maizie are in the house together.   I decided to read some more of the book I'm half way through, which I'd left in my room.   I ran up the stairs only to bump into Mango, just wearing  his boxer shorts on the landing heading in the direction of the bathroom.

"Lilly!!"  he said in a shocked voice.  He looked a little embarrassed and awkward, making it obvious that he and Maizie had been in the bedroom ...........   The look on his face made me start giggling at him.

"What's funny??" he asked

"You, you look like a naughty little boy who has just been caught stealing sweets!!"  I couldn't help but hug him as I carried on laughing at him.

"I'm glad you find it amusing!!"  he started to laugh with me.

Something happened  ~  we had a moment  ~  we were stood there arms around each other, it was my fault, he had no top on, I could feel his soft bare skin against mine, I couldn't help but run my hands slowly up his back, it felt really good.  We are staring into each others eyes, our gazes locked and our faces are only inches apart, we had both suddenly stopped laughing.  I could feel his warm breath on my face and a strange feeling washed over me.  The way he was looking at me ...... I could hardly breath.   He started moving his head towards me, I knew he was going to kiss me, so I closed my eyes and waited, wanting him to kiss me.

Just as I felt his lips softly brushed mine ..........................

Maizie screamed.

Her scream made us both jump quickly backwards and away from each other.
I jolted back to reality realizing what had just nearly happened.

Maizie understandably started kicking off, Mango pushed her into the bedroom and slammed the door behind him.  The screaming and shouting started, I heard something smash, they were going at it hammer and tongues, both of them yelling at each other, the noise was awful.

O...M...B.... what just happened?  What did we just nearly do?

I ran into my room and threw myself on the bed.  Cosmic's face jumped out at me as I ran into the room from the photo frame that is sat on my bedside table - how could I have let that happen??  How could I suddenly have all these feeling being around Mango that I've never had before.   Thinking about how short the time had been since Cosmic faded, I couldn't help but think that my Dad is right about one thing - I do cause trouble wherever I go, even if I don't mean to, all the bad things that happen in my life are always because of me.

I cried myself to sleep fighting the messed up feelings in my head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days earlier

Maizie had been far from happy the day Mango brought me home.  I was actually shocked at the time to find out that they lived together.  Mango had never said or even hinted that they did, but then he rarely spoke to me about Maizie or their relationship.  As soon as I walked through the door she attacked me, she spotted my suitcase which set her off.
 
"What the Fudge is she doing here?"  she snapped  "Mango?"

"She is staying here for a while."  Mango said  "Just leave her alone Maizie, she doesn't need you starting!!"  he went over to talk to his Dad who had smiled and waved at me as I came in.

"GREAT!!"  She said sarcastically

She glared at me, I knew exactly what she was thinking it is written all over her face, but she said it anyway, just so as I got the message.

"I'm really not happy about you being here, and I'm warning you, just keep your HANDS OFF him!!"  I just looked at her as she stood there glaring at me.  She didn't need to tell everyone she hated me it was there for everyone to see.   I didn't know whether to laugh or cry - she's getting herself all worked up over nothing, if she was halfway civil to me I would try to put her mind at rest but because she is always so nasty, I couldn't even be bothered.

"Maizie leave her alone!!"  Mango snapped at Maizie again.  I noticed Mango and his Dad both watching us, his Dad looking a little concerned, he kept frowning at Mango then pulled him across the livingroom out of earshot.  I remembered thinking great!!  she's already starting to cause trouble, maybe I should just go home, me and Maizie under the same roof is really not a very good idea.

"Lilly, how lovely to see you."  Mango's Mom came in and hugged me, the look on Maizies face was a picture, she huffed and puffed then stormed off.  His Mom didn't seem to notice how unhappy Maizie looked and started to natter away to me, it had been quite a while since I'd seen her, she made me feel guilty for not visiting her more often.

I love Mango's parents, he doesn't know how lucky he is, I would give anything to have parents like he has.

Mulberry turned up not long after I'd arrived at Mango's, he was very upset.

"You don't hate me because I'm purple do you?"  he had taken what I had said about the colour purple to heart.  The poor kid had had his whole world turned upside down since he's been here, he's seen the real Dad who has lurked in hiding all these years, he got a little taste of what life was like for us before he was born.  I felt sorry for him having to go back with them, but I imagined that with me and Affair not being around, Dad would go back to the Dad that Mulberry has been used to all these years not the drunken, fowl mouthed evil twisted coward of a man that he has seen since they have been here.  He swore that when he has his birthday he is moving to this town whether they liked it or not.

My very first night there Mango and Maizie had the hugest fight that lasted half the night keeping me awake, to make it worse most of it was fighting over me being here.  I lay there feeling pretty uncomfortable, wanting again to go back home, this was spoiling the happy memories I have of this place, the only place in amongst all the rubbish in my life that I've ever felt really happy and free to be me.

Straight away Maizie made it quite clear to both of Mango's parents that she didn't like me.  I was on my way to the kitchen to get some breakfast when I heard Maizie say my name a few times so I stopped and listened.

"Its game over, you know I may as well throw in the towel now and start getting my bags packed, then he'd be happy wouldn't he!!."  she said

"Why ever would you say that dear?"  his Mom asked her

"With HER in the house, its only a matter of time - I hate her!!  Mango thinks I'm stupid and that I don't know!!"  I could hear the hatred in her voice.

"Whatever is wrong dear, I don't understand, Lilly is a lovely girl."  I heard his Mom say

"Mango, he's madly in love with her and has been since school, all she has ever done is hurt him, yet still he's like a dog after a bone!!!  It was because of her that he was leaving here you know - it wasn't the job like he told us, I over heard him and Sunny talking.  Lavender she warned me too that he would have his head in the clouds all the time because of her and she was right!!!!  He is going to become hell to live with, you watch, and it's only going to be a matter of time before something happens!!!!"

I walked away and went back upstairs, I didn't want to hear any more, I could just imagine the conversation they were having, I just hoped his mother didn't start to dislike me.

I was sat in the living room watching TV and his Dad came and sat down beside me.  "What's this I hear about you and Maizie not getting on?"  he asked me

"She doesn't like me, none of his girlfriends have, I suppose I can understand where she is coming from, if Cosmic's best friend had been female, I don't think I'd have been too happy either.   Mango hugs me a lot and they don't like it."

"Well take no notice, with or without your interference they are never going to last,  they are always like this constantly fighting, it's not healthy for anyone especially not my ear drums!!!"  he started laughing

"I'm actually thinking about going home, I don't want to cause any trouble for him, she has been constantly on his back since I got here for us even being in the same room together, we are best friends and she doesn't get it."

"Listen, she's probably just using you as the excuse at the moment because she can - if you weren't here she would constantly be on his back for one thing or another this is how she always is, they constantly fight anyway,  so don't think its you, we know it isn't - Don't get yourself upset over it!!"

"I can't help but get upset over it, I hate seeing him unhappy and fighting with her all the time especially when I think it is because of me."

"Well I'm telling you don't upset yourself, you are just today's excuse, tomorrow it will be something else trust me!!  Mango chooses to put up with it so it's his own fault if he looks unhappy, nobody is holding a gun to his head, I really don't know what is going on in that boys head sometimes!!"

"What about this Lime - have they Managed to catch up with her yet?"  he asked, I wasn't too sure how much he knew about what had been going on.

"Not that I know to, I wish they would hurry up, I'm scared that somebody else is going to get hurt!!"

"I'm not very happy with you kids you know, Mango has only just told us properly about everything that has been going on - we should have been told from the start then maybe some of this might have been prevented!!"

"We really didn't expect it to come to this ......"  Mango came in from work interrupting the conversation.

He sat down by his Dad, I started to feel pretty awkward when straight away they started bickering with each other.

"Son, I'm warning you - another night like last night and I'm going to come into your room and throw you both out into the street!!"  he said to Mango, so I wasn't the only one that they had kept awake while they had been arguing.

"Give me a break, I'm tired, I've spent all day in theatre without a break and I've only just sat down." he moaned  "What is it with everyone today pecking my head!!??"

"You're tired!!  That son is your own fault!!  I've got theatre schedules up to my armpits over the next 4 days, and if I don't get any sleep again tonight because of your two's fighting, not only will you be out on the street, you'll be taking my work case load because I won't be capable of doing it - Berry only knows where you get all your energy from because I don't know how you manage to function at work all the energy you waste fighting with Maizie."

"You tell her!!  I'm sick of talking to her - I'm already going to cop it when she gets back because I didn't wait for her to finish her shift and came home without her.   Do you think I enjoy spending half the night arguing with her - no I don't!!"

"She's your girlfriend, you sort her out, I'm slowly losing my patients with your two's racket especially when its in the middle of the night and so is your mother - Lilly has only been here a day and you're already driving her out, she's on about going back home."

"What?!"  he said and looked at me.  His Dad stood up

"Sort yourself out son - your relationship is ridiculous and everyone else shouldn't have to suffer for it because you're stupid enough to put up with it!!"  he walked off.

Mango moved into the seat next to mine

"Well is it true?" he said  "Are you really thinking about going home?"

"Yes,  I'm causing trouble for you, I should go!!"  I said to him

"You're not causing trouble - she is - I'm sorry I didn't think she would react like this - well that's because I didn't think - I should have known she'd go off on one!!  You know you don't have to go she's like this all the time she's just using you to get at me at the moment, tomorrow it will be something else!!"

"Yeah that's sort of what your Dad said too."  I looked at him  "Mango why do you even put up with it?  You are not the arguing type."

"I know ................. I just need the distraction."  he said quietly looking down, straight away I knew what he was getting at - he needed a distraction from me.

"GREAT!!!  See, its my fault again!!  Mango I'm going home"  I snapped at him

He moved up closer and threw his arm over me

"Don't Lilly, you know you haven't cried for nearly 24 hours and it's nice seeing you smile again, the minute you set foot back in that house you know you are only going to get miserable again and your Dad is still going to be there."  he smiled at me  "Besides I thought you loved staying here!!"

"Not if I'm causing an argument by being here,  otherwise you know I love staying here!!"

"It reminds you of those two weeks in the holidays doesn't it!!" he laughed  "I haven't been able to stop thinking about that holiday all day!!"  I had to smile because he was right, I had been thinking about that holiday too today.  "You know Ive got a few days off work this week, a break before I start my new job - we could spend them doing some fun stuff like we did that holiday."

"Nice idea but you've forgot something - your  girlfriend - I'm not sure she would be too impressed do you!!!"

"I wouldn't be impressed about what??!!"  Maizie suddenly appeared from nowhere  "The way you two are sitting right now, like a loved up couple - you think I'm fudging stupid you two, don't you!!"

"Oops, we've done it now."  he muttered under his breath

"Mango a word N O W !!!!!"

"Keep your knickers on Maizie we were just talking."  he had got up and was stood in front of her now.  She grabbed him by his top and started dragging him towards the stairs  "We need words!!"  she snapped as she pulled him along.  He looked back at me and smiled putting his hands round his throat and pretended to strangle himself.  I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing at the expression on his face as he disappeared round the wall and out of view, as she hauled him up the stairs.

When they were out of sight I just sat there, wandering why he would even put himself through this, surely there has to be better ways of distracting himself - she is a phyco!!  Then it started, the door slamming, Maizies high pitched squeal ringing through the house, Mango yelling and shouting - off they went again - bumping and banging in amongst the yelling, I dread to think what they are doing to each other up there..

His Dad came out of the kitchen, his face like thunder  "I don't believe it - they are at it again aren't they!!"  he said as he headed for the stairs.  I waited - I could only imagine what might be coming.

"Mango I warned you, if you two want to act like children I'm going to treat you like children"  I could hear his Dad yelling then his voice went quieter so I couldn't hear what was being said.  It went suddenly very quiet.  His Dad then came back downstairs  "We will get some sleep tonight - they are in separate rooms!!"  he said as he walked back into the kitchen smiling at me.

I couldn't help it I burst up laughing - and I thought my life was a mess!!!

I went to bed but I couldn't sleep I was lying there thinking when my phoned beeped to tell me that I'd just received a text message.  I lay there wandering if it was another nasty text from Lime, I nearly didn't look at my phone.  The text was from Mango, I started laughing just seeing his name flashing up on the screen   "If you want to talk I'm in the end bedroom - door opposite the bathroom. xx"

I got dressed and crept down the hallway to his room, as I went quietly down the hallway I could see that the light was still on in the room he was in, the light in his normal room was off so I relaxed a little hoping that Maizie is asleep.  When I opened the door he was just lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, somehow I didn't expect him to be in bed.

"Budge over you know that's my side."  I said to him, he shuffled over and I crawled in under the covers still fully clothed.

"Its been a long time since we've done this, hasn't it."  he said.  It had been a long time, quite often we used to lie in bed together all night nattering.

"It has, but it's not so easy now is it, your phyco girlfriend is going to go absolutely ballistic if she catches us doing this even if all we are doing is talking!!"

"Oh I know, even if you are fully dressed she'll still accuse us of getting up to no good, but her lights off she'll be asleep and she's a heavy sleeper so we should be safe, not even a meteor dropping on the house would wake her up."  he smiled  "You are ok aren't you - you're not going home are you?"

"No, I'll stay for now but if she carry's on going off on one over me being here I'm going to have to go."    We spent the next few hours talking about anything and everything and I'm not sure how but we both fell asleep.  I vaguely remember stiring in my sleep and having the feeling of being held by someone, I'm lying on my side, I could feel a warm body close behind me, an arm holding me tightly round my waist and my legs tangled up with someone elses, half asleep and not thinking I presumed it was Cosmic and drifted back off to sleep again.

The next thing I know I can hear an alarm squealing and Mango is shaking me awake.  "Lilly, quick its 6am - everyone will be getting up in a minute, fudge, I can't believe we fell asleep, she'll go off on one again if she catches us like this!!"  I dived out of bed  "Slip into the bathroom then just come out as normal then nobody will suspect a thing." he started laughing  "I'll see you later."

He opened the bedroom door quietly and stuck his head out into the hall to check there is nobody around.  "Coasts clear."  he said  I shot across into the bathroom and closed the door behind me leaned up against it and started to giggle to myself.  Oh My Berry - if Maizie had seen me sneaking out of Mango's bedroom she would have had the place in uproar, she would never have accepted that all we did was talk half the night and fall asleep.

We thought we had gotten away with it.  When I came out of the bathroom, Mango's Mom was stood waiting for the bathroom to become free.  "Good Morning Lilly, you're up early, did you sleep well dear?"  I said yes thank you and she just smiled at me.  I went to my room to change the clothes that I'd spent the night sleeping in, thinking his Mom had not suspected a thing.  All day I couldn't help but think about the way he had been holding me while we slept.

After Mango had finished work we were sat on the couch talking about going to the cemetery.  Mango's Dad had been sat talking to us when his mother came in.  "Where is Maizie?"  she asked.  Mango told her that she was at work she's on nights for the rest of this week.  "Good because there is something rather important I need to talk to you about Mango." she turned to her husband and said  "Spicey you need to hear this."  I stood up to leave I thought it would be rude to sit here and listen to their family discussion and was surprised when his Mom said to me.  "Sit down Lilly dear - this involves you too."  I sat down and me and Mango looked at each other, he looked confused.  "Mango, I've been wandering all day why I should see you sneaking Lilly out of your bedroom at day break this morning and I can only think of one reason."  she said looking at Mango with a face I've never seen before.  Me and Mango looked at each other, I saw the corners of his mouth turn up and we both burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry but I don't find it funny!!!!"  his Mom was angry, I've never seen her angry before.  We both stopped laughing.  We explained that we had just been talking and had fallen asleep, we explained it's something we have done many times before when we shared a room together at school and when we were here in the school holidays we always slept in the same bed.  I'm not sure they actually bought our story but it was the truth.

We laughed hysterically all the way to the cemetery, but we agreed that we would have to stop doing stupid things that to us were completely innocent but to others looked suspicious.  After all we weren't kids anymore and I think we forget that sometimes.  We would have to change some of the things that we have always done just for a quiet life.

That was our intention - but the very next day we messed up big time - when we nearly kissed each other right in front of Maizie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had cried myself to sleep listening to Maizie and Mango fighting.  When I woke later, it was all quiet, remembering Maizie was on nights I guessed she would have gone to work.  I couldn't face anyone not even Mango so I stayed in my room until the next day.  I saw Mango at breakfast and we didn't talk about our near kissing encounter, he acted like it had never happened, but it had and I struggled to even work out how I felt about it.

Maizie and Mango's fighting got even worse and I couldn't stand it any longer, I sneaked out and spent the morning at the cemetery thinking and decided I would go back and pack my bags and go home before I did any more damage.

I was packing my bags to leave when Mango came in and caught me, he burst into the room laughing until he saw what I was doing.   He suddenly just went mad and started taking the stuff out of my case, throwing it across the room like a mad man, telling me I'm not leaving.  We ended up having a huge fight, he didn't want me to leave, he cracked up and stormed out of the room shouting "FINE, Go on Leave see if I care!!"  he slammed the door behind him, so hard I thought it was going to come off it's hinges.  I sat down on the bed a little shocked at how he had just reacted.

I didn't want to leave, since I'd been here I'd felt a whole lot better, I'd even managed to stop crying, I could feel myself beginning to heal already no constant reminders around me all the time, I found times in the day when I would not think about Cosmic or the baby for long periods of time.  It was a relief not to see the colour purple at all, the only purple in the house was my photo of Cosmic and Mango's Moms hair and eyes, that little bit of purple didn't bother me because it wasn't everywhere that I looked.  I am actually dreading going home, I don't want to go home now or when my week is over - but how can I stay here with all this going on, just me being here is causing problems - and all these mixed up feelings I'm having, everything's a mess - I have no choice I have to go home.

I am still sitting on the bed when the music started.   I heard him playing the piano, something made me stand up and listen.  I recognized the piece of music he was playing even though I'd only ever heard it once before.  At school, the night that he had walked in on me and Cosmic asleep on his bed in just our underwear.  He had taken his frustration out on the piano with that piece of music, it sounded like he is doing the same thing right now.

I opened the bedroom door and am surprised by how close the music sounds, it isn't coming from, downstairs like I first thought.  I walked past the attic steps and stopped, the attic, a part of the house I'd never ventured into.  I followed the music and started climbing the attic stairs.  At the top of the stairs there is a small corridor a door on each side.  One of the doors lay open and when I looked inside I could see Mango sat at a piano the same as the one in the livingroom except for it is a different colour.  I sat down and watched him play, I can see that he is upset, his brow creased with loads of lines, he is sat there frowning intensely.

"I thought you was leaving, why are you still here?"  he snapped at me as he banged his fingers down on the keys really hard

"I am but I don't want to leave you like this, you're upset."

"Why not, its only what I deserve!!!

"Don't say that - you know Maizie is never going to stop kicking off over me being here and after what we nearly did ....... I should leave"

"None of that matters any more, haven't you noticed how quiet it is, she's gone, she's left me.

"Oh Berry, I'm sorry ........ I ............"  I felt guilty I'd help to split them up, I really didn't know what to say to him, in less than a week I'd managed to drive away his girlfriend when I really hadn't meant to.

"Don't be sorry, it really wasn't your fault, its been a long time coming, I was going to leave her when I moved away anyway, so what's the difference ............ you being here has actually done me a big favour - I would never have got rid of her otherwise, I'm actually happy that she's gone!!"  he said while he carried on playing.

"Well, you don't look very happy to me."

"It's not her ..... it's you ..... I'm angry with myself ..... I'm sorry about earlier, I know I went over the top, I should never have reacted like that to you leaving ...... I let my feelings run away with my head, I'm sorry!!!"  he carried on bashing the piano keys.

"Is that why you're taking your frustration out on that piano, because of me leaving?"

"Yes  ........ I know I'm an idiot ......... just ignore me .......... I'll get over it, I've had enough practice!!"

 
I sat there looking at him remembering how I'd felt when he had been the one leaving. I know him leaving town was a little different to me moving back home but I remember how desperate I'd felt.  I can see the pain in his face, I've only ever seen him this upset a few times before, but I've never seen him unhinged before like he was earlier when he was unpacking my case.

Then I realized me coming to stay here for him was a very big mistake, probably the worst thing we could have done.   Emotionally it has smashed him.   Living together in only just a few days we have rewound time back to the beginning, we've fallen into acting like we are teenagers again, we've been dredging up old happy memories from that holiday we spent together before Cosmic, the way he was holding me when we slept, my sudden mixed up feelings, the nearly kiss .... 

What have we done??!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Song: No Surprize - Daughtry

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If you are wandering about the song its from Maizies point of view.

Just a note about the next chapter.  I lost this game file with pc problems that Ive had recently, so am in the process of rebuilding.  I only have part photo's for the next chapter so am having to scrap them all to take new ones. So dont be surprised if you notice changes in the decor of the house and clothes - from here onwards.