Chapter 30 - Part 1 - Gen 1 - Lilly

~ Broken ~

It is like I felt my head hitting the floor at the bottom of the stairs all over again.
For a moment I actually felt the pain again.

 I sat holding my breath as realization set in.
I had been pushed down the stairs by Lime and now I'm here.
Stuck in this white place of my own making with my life on replay.

I've seen everything twice - but why?
I'm almost scared to turn the page over
So I turn it over very slowly still holding my breath.

I am just staring at an empty page - not one single word written there.

This is the end isn't it?!  This is where I am now - nowhere - in between..

At first I thought I might be here to make a choice - Cosmic or Mango
I made my choice a while back - but I'm still here.
I quickly flicked through the rest of the book, every single page empty.
I closed my eyes - what now??

I wandered if all those empty pages are for the rest of my life?
That might be a good sign, that there is more to come.
That I will get out of here - I will wake up.
But how??

I got off the bed and started to pace around for a while
but it just didn't help.
What now?

 I wandered how much time had past since I hit the bottom of the stairs?
Hours? Days? Weeks? Months? ..............Years??
I know these things can last for years sometimes,
I remember Mango trying to explain them to me once

I can't stop thinking about the baby.
I was pregnant when I fell - this just keeps going round and round in my head.
What possibly could have happened - I can only think the thing I least want.

It's not fair!!!
I can't go through that again
I can't lose another baby!!!

Then it hit me.
That is why I'm still here - that is why I've kept myself here
Not able to face losing another baby,
I've shut myself off so I didn't have to face it.

I've convinced myself I've lost the baby - but what if I haven't?!
Didn't I think once I'd heard a childs xylophone - no!!!
Now I'm just being stupid!!!!
That would mean ............ I've been in this thing for years.

I know I've locked myself into this place ..... only I can get myself out.
I have to get out, if I don't I'll never know
But how?

I stood by the door listening

The silence now is quite eerie, the normal piano music no longer there.   

Mango, where is he?  

Has he given up on me?

I know what I have to do I just don't know how to do it
There is nothing else I can do now ...

but lie here .....

..... and wait .....

..... until I wake up.

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Part two
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Song:  "Broken" by Lifehouse

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