Chapter 6 - part 1 - Gen 2 - Tapestry

Heaven Sent

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There is total silence, you could almost hear a pin drop.

He just stands there  - we are all eager to hear him say 'Storm is going to be just fine'.  I can see he is hesitating as he is looking around at all of us slowly.  It is probably only a matter of seconds in time but it feels like a lifetime waiting for him to speak.

I think I already know  - the instant I see the expression on his face - I know he is not going to tell us what we want to hear.

He whispers quietly  "I am Sorry .... he's gone!!"

At first, for a split second there is total silence again as Dads words echo around the room, Prelude is the first to react collapsing onto his knees screaming "NOOOOOOO!!!!"

Then everyone else starts reacting as the reality of his words sink in.

"Prelude I'm sorry!!" Dad repeats again quietly

The reality of Storm fading didn't hit me straight away, like it did for everyone else.  I sit watching everyone in the corridor, like I am somehow detached from the situation, all the members of my family around me their hearts breaking, while I sit here and all I can feel is numb.

I sit quietly watching how they are all dealing with their own grief.  Prelude is totally broken on the floor because he has lost his son, both of my parents, who have lost thier nephew, are trying to comfort and calm him down, I can see that they are both crying, Mom more so than Dad.  Affair is wearing a very pained expression and has tears streaking down his face, he is trying to hold onto Parsley who is on the verge of being hysterical, they have both lost their brother.  Mulberry is sat alone and has his head in his hands and even though I can't see his face I know he's crying, because he has lost his nephew, I can tell by the way his body is softly jerking.  My Grandfather who has now come out of theatre is sat down next to me and I watch him take off his glasses to rub his tired eyes, then he too puts his head in his hands, and even he can shed some tears for Storm.

While I still just sit there numbly watching everyone.

I watch my Dad as he glances over at me, then he stands up, leaving Prelude to my Mother,  he is not taking his eyes off me for a second.  He has a very troubled look on his face as he just stands there and watches me sitting here, doing nothing, not reacting to losing my cousin in any way.  I am staring blankly back at him now and I think he already knows as well as I do exactly what is coming.  Me and one of my outbursts.

I lean my head back against the wall behind my chair and close my eyes.

All I can see is Storm's face.

I think I must have switched off,  I had shut down my emotions.  I stayed sitting there with my eyes closed and I shrunk back into my own little inattentive world where nothing can hurt me ..... where nothing matters ..... where nothing is real ..... even though I can hear everyone around me upset and crying, it is not touching me, it can't in this place.

It took me to actually hear someone say it out loud - before it hit me properly.     

"Dad, Mom what's going on?!"  My sisters voice creeps into my safe space  "I just went up to see Mom and they sent me down here .... is it Cotton?"  She didn't have a clue did she - she has no idea about Storm.  That's when I opened my eyes to see Coral standing there with a worried look on her face.

At first nobody spoke, I don't suppose anyone could,  it is Mulberry who eventually gets up and puts his arm around his niece before he says quietly   "No, ....... it's Storm ....... he's faded."

He's faded - Storm has faded - he has gone - forever - it just doesn't make sense to me - this can't be happening - he is too young to fade - his life is over - I am never going to see him again.

I close my eyes and I see his face again.

Suddenly it hit me like a 10 tonne truck smashing into me - I felt the pain, unbearable pain, my chest feels tight and I am struggling to breath.  I can't cope with it, I didn't know how to deal with the pain, I feel my head going, it exploded and everything becomes a painful blur before my mind blacks out.

I came round slowly and all I can see as my blurred vision starts to clear is a room I don't recognize at first, I can hear a tapping noise, a computer keyboard.  I look around and take in my surroundings, I am waking up on the examination couch in my Dads office, wandering what I am doing here.  He is sat at his desk typing away on the computer, he doesn't notice me awake at first, I just lie there watching him, he's crying and I watch him stop occasionally to wipe the tears off his face.  I wander for a second why he is crying ..... then I remember, it all comes flooding back  ..... Storm ..... I hoped that his fading had just been a bad dream, a horrible nightmare that I am just waking up from, but it isn't is it ..... it is all real ..... he has faded ..... he really has gone.

I had lost it, I'd gone into total melt down not knowing how to deal with my emotions.  Maybe if I'd taken my medication I might have handled the grief and the situation a little better, but I hadn't and to the dismay of everyone in the corridor, like they weren't already distressed enough, I start to kick off.  Screaming and shouting, throwing chairs, trying to smash the place up, trying to get through the theatre doors to wake Storm up, I wasn't going to let this happen, I wasn't going to let him fade.  I showed them all of my emotions without restraint and the only way I could be controlled was by being knocked out with sedation.  The last thing I can remember is fighting with Mulberry and Affair as they wrestle me to the ground and hold me down while somebody stabs me with a needle.  At times like this I really hate being me.

I sit myself up rubbing my eyes, my head feels fuzzy and I feel a little sick.  My movement catches Dad's eye and he stops typing and sits there looking at me for only a few seconds before he gets up out of his chair, making a quick attempt to wipe the tears off his face, like he's embarrassed or he  doesn't want me to see that he has been crying.

I can only ever remember seeing my Dad crying once before, the day that my Mother had switched off while she was cooking and set fire to the kitchen.  He had been crying when I woke up in the hospital.  That time he had been crying because of me, this time it is Storm he is crying for.   

"Why?"  I asked  "Why did they let him fade??"

"Son they didn't LET him fade."  he looked a little shocked   "They tried their best to save him, but it was too late, he had already lost far too much blood and the knife had done too much damage to his insides."  He puts his hands on my shoulders, which irritated me, I just know he is going to try and start fussing over me and smothering me again like he always does.  "We need to get you home."

"I don't want to go home!!"  he tried to put his arm around me but I shrugged them off me "Get off me Dad, why do you always have to suffocate me - I am sick of you!!"  he gave me the strangest look, I can tell that I've just hurt his feelings.  I need space and time on my own to think and work out my feelings without him smothering me and going on.  I jump off the couch and quickly start heading towards the door. I plan to put as much distance between me and him as I can.

"Tapestry wait!!"  he shouts after me but I am already out of the door and away, running down the corridor.  I heard him shout after me a few times, but I didn't stop or look back to see if he is following me I ran out of the hospital, into the fresh air.  The sun blinded me for a second which halts me while my sight adjusts, but I didn't want Dad to catch up with me, so I took off again down the road as fast as my legs could carry me.

When I think I am a safe distance away from the hospital I stop to wipe my eyes, I need to catch my breath and wipe away the tears that are blurring my vision.

The tears that have now only just started to flow. 

Now I'm away from my suffocating Father I really didn't know where to go.  My phone rings, the big D flashing up on my screen, I just knew it would be my Dad so I turned my phone off.  Not even thinking or caring that he might be worried on top of what he is already going through, or that I might not be safe out here alone.

There is only one place I wanted to be.

I ran across to the other side of town without stopping and found myself banging down Honey's door.  I need my best friend.  It took ages for someone to come to the door I was beginning to think that maybe there is nobody in the Shine's home.

Finally, her Dad, Sunny opens the door  "Tapestry!"  I can hear the surprise in his voice, I am not sure that he expected to see me today and by the look on his face I think he has already heard the news about Storm.  "She's in her room."  he said without me even having to ask where Honey was.  He smiled at me as I went past him and legged it up the stairs.

I opened her bedroom door and straight away I can see Honey lay on her bed crying.  I stand watching her for a few seconds, I'm not sure she has heard me enter her room.  She shares a room with her twin sister Strawberry and older sister Scarlet, I'm relieved to see that they are not here and Honey is alone.  I wondered for a moment if Strawberry is with Parsley, I should imagine that he needs her right now.

"Honey"  I said quietly and she looked up at me smiling weakly

She sat up trying to wipe the tears off her face as I made my way towards her bed.  She gets up off the bed and throws herself at me.

"Berry I'm glad you are here!!"  she says as she wraps her arms around me

We have been best friends forever, for as long as I can remember, ever since we were really small children.  I knew she would need me right now just as much as I need her.

"I can't believe that Storm has gone!!"

We cling to each other and cry ourselves out.

"What's happened to you?"  she ran her finger gently down my face along side the line of stitches, this catches me a little off guard because she has left my face tingling where her finger has been.   Then she tilts my head back as she has now spotted the line of stitches across my neck.  "Oh Berry!!  Were you there ...... with Storm?"  her eyes widened as she says it and I just nod my head.

"How did you get these cuts?"  All I say to her is 'Forest's knife'.  I'm not even sure she knows who Forrest is but I'm sure she must have been told that it was Forest Freeze and his knife that are responsible for Storm fading.   I see her gasp and her face twists like she's in pain as she threw her arms around me holding me really tight and starts to cry again, harder this time, she is now sobbing.

The sound of her crying sets me off again and we carry on standing there holding each other, all the time her grip on me is getting tighter and tighter. She is holding me so tightly now that she is almost suffocating me, and the sound of her sobbing is cutting through me, I am crying because of Storm, I am really not sure now what she is actually crying for.

Honey suddenly jerked backwards without warning, our faces are now inches apart and she's staring into my eyes  "I love you."

Fudge!!  I'd forgotten all about that!!

I'm frozen there staring back at her, shocked that she has actually said it.  Even though I've already been told how she feels about me, I've never seen any signs of it, now she is telling me herself.  I keep staring back at her not really knowing what to say, how can I hurt her feeling right now and say to her 'Sorry Honey I don't love you' - I can't, she is already hurting enough.

Then she goes and says it again  "Tap, I love you."

I have to say something so I just start stammering  "I ..... err ..... I know"

Without any warning she quickly moves towards me, closing the inches between us, her lips smash down onto mine and she starts kissing me.  My head starts spinning and my stomach start to flip, I'm already an emotional wreck, Honey kissing me just sends me emotionally into another dimension.

I can't stop myself from kissing her back.

I like the way she is kissing me.

Fern popped into my head for a second, but not because I'm feeling guilty for kissing someone else, she is only there just long enough for me to think how differently she kisses me compared to how Honey is kissing me right now.  Then she is gone again - it is Honey who is kissing me so Fern is completely forgotten.

There is an intense passion in Honey's kissing and she is stirring up feelings that I've never experienced before.

The grief and the passion crash together, like a large wave of water smashing onto rocks.  I can't escape them and an explosion of mixed emotions hits me hard, the grief mixed with the passion and my mind blows.  I can feel myself heading towards another emotional melt down and it doesn't take long for it to take over my mind and I totally lose control, but in a different way.

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Song:  Heaven Sent ~ Hinder

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I know I said no more songs - but - Tapestry's life has been a long time rattling around in my head and gradually expanding on paper.  Some parts of his life for me have always had a song attached to them.  The second part of this chapter is one of those parts - and as there is a song swimming about in my head for it  - I thought I may as well use it.