Tuesday, 2 May 2017

Forrest 5a

I sit nervously playing on the games console, trying to distract myself, but I am not really concentrating properly on the game I'm playing, while I am trying to work out what I am going to say and how I'm going to tell them.  My head has started spinning in anxious turmoil, and now has gone totally blank.

Everything that I have thought about saying and rehearsed has gone straight out of my head, because I'm bricking it!!  I am waiting for a call from Granite and the longer it takes my phone to start ringing, the better because, I just want to prologue the inevitable.

I have hardly slept for days, wandering how we are going to do this with minimum fall out, and especially how they are going to take it.  The three of them might be sat on the couch now laughing as we play together, but I doubt they will be laughing or smiling for very much longer.

I hear Caramel coming down the stairs and as I quickly glance at her, I see her wiping her mouth as she rolls her eyes at me.  I am guessing she has just been sick again.  I am really not happy that she is dragging her heels over making the decision about whether she is having a termination or not.  I think she is pinning her hopes on me being cured of my phobia, now that I am slowly working through my psychological issues, but she is just fooling herself, while she ploughs on, probably destroying the rest of all our lives together, and there is nothing that I can say or do to stop her.

We have had a pretty mental and hectic few weeks, and managed to achieve a few things that really needed doing, which has taken my mind away from the babies and stopped us from arguing about it too much.  She did eventually pluck up the courage to tell me that we have managed to create two babies, and I have looked at the scan picture since.  Seeing the two tiny foetuses that I know are going to develop into two babies, caused me to have a full blown panic attack, which knocked me sick for a day.

Telling Mango the truth was the most amusing part.  I placed five official documents in front of him, my pedophobia card, three paternity tests results and Alpine and Mels divorce papers as well as pulled up Mel's medical records and pointed out the pregnancy and baby she had when she was thirteen.  We told him everything.

I sat and watched Mango turn quite a few different colours as he looked at them and took everything in.  He was pretty angry with both me and Mel, more for the fact that we had hidden it all from him, because he could and would have helped me, and I think a part of it was him being angry with himself for not noticing what has actually been going on all this time right under his nose and he has not noticed.

Our second week out in Sandy Shores, we didn't spend alone.  After our long conversation of me opening up and telling the truth about my phobia, I spent a whole day shut up in the bedroom, crying and out of it.  I felt like I was back on that slippery slope again, the years had rolled back and I am right back at the beginning again, with at least thirteen years of hell in front of me, that I know I am not strong enough to cope with again.

Me shutting myself away, gave Mel time to think, and surprisingly she did something that she should have done two years ago, she phoned Shale and sorted out getting to know Coal, the baby that she had when she was thirteen years old.  Before I knew what was happening, after Shale had spoken to him and told him some of the facts in Mel's defence, Coal turned up at the beach house looking for Mel.  Thankfully he came alone and didn't involve his Dad in it ... Turmeric being here, was the last thing either of us would have wanted or needed.

Unintentionally she had created a well needed distraction for me, with Coal being at the beach house for the rest of the week, because it took my mind right away from the pregnancy so I didn't wallow or dwell on it, it gave me something else to focus on.

As well as getting to know Mel, and hearing her side of the story, he had to hear the truth about everything, letting out secrets that we have guarded so well for such a long time was hard to do.  Coal being a doctor, he understands my phobia, which made it easier.

           "What the hell have you done with my bedroom curtains Alpine?"  Mel half laughs as she snaps  "They are not in with the laundry, and there is only you who could have taken them down and put them somewhere stupid?"
           "They are in my room, I've cut them up to use on that patchwork quilt I'm making."  Alpine mumbles.  I can't help but start laughing along with all three kids.
           "Seriously!!"  she half yells   "I knew sending you to that hospice was a mistake - you have come back even more tapped than when you went!!  Sewing and knitting ... you!!"  she laughs sarcastically  "Don't think you are going to start cutting everything up now, before I know it all the curtains and bedsheets will be cut up into squares!!"
           "Shut up women, I'm not completely stupid!!"  Alpine snaps  "Those curtains were ripped, they needed replacing anyway, and you would have only thrown them away!"
           "Yes and who ripped them idiot!"  she snaps

I think I need to jump in, because I can see she is getting very ratty, and if she is not careful she is going to unhinge him and set him off, then we are never going to tell the kids today with him backing us up.

          "Mel, chill out!!"  I laugh at her  "I will get new curtains when I take him out to Raspberry later, I'm taking him into the craft shop anyway, so I'll make sure he has plenty of material to cut up, and like he said he isn't stupid, and those curtains do really need replacing."
          "That isn't the point Forrest, he could have at least waited until we had new curtains before he went taking those ones down!!"  she snaps  "It's bad enough that he ripped them in the first place!!"
          "Well try closing them at night then, instead of giving everyone outside the chance of seeing what you are getting up to in that room!!"  Alpine snaps back nastily and I start to get nervous, thinking that he might say too much and give the game away before we have even had a chance to tell them properly

             "Okay guys, time out!!"  I laugh as I cut my eyes at Mel  "I can see you are both getting ratty, which isn't going to do any of us any good today if you carry on and it all comes to blows!!"  Mel rolls her eyes at me.
              "I'm going to get dresses then I need to quickly pop to the shop, we have run out of bread and milk again."  she mumbles
              "Seriously can't it wait until later?"  I frown at her
              "No!  It is your fault, you and your damn French toast, and this lot will need feeding later, and I would rather do it now ... I could do with some fresh air anyway."
              "Well take my car and hurry up ... please."  I roll my eyes at her  "You know I've got a lot to do today."
              "Stupid woman!!  You watch her do a runner and go awol on us, because she can't face what is coming!!"  Alpines snaps as we watch Mel run up the stairs. "I really don't know how you put up with her, you must be mad!!"

I cringe at what he has just said so openly, as I glance nervously at my three kids, who still all have their eyes firmly fixed on the television screen, and don't seem to have read anything into what he just said.  It actually wouldn't surprise me if they are not even listening, because they are so used to the arguments going on between their parents.   I've learnt one thing since I have been living here full time, Alpine and Mel bicker and snap at each other constantly over anything and everything.

I continue to watch them, scared that after what we have to tell them today, they might hate me and never want to speak to me again.  Granite, Mango, even Mel and Alpine keep telling me that I'm over reacting and worrying too much,  I just hope that I have done enough over the years, since they have become teenagers, for them to like me enough as a person and friend, to forgive me for what I've done.  I have always been pretty close to Bay as a friend, and I have spent the last week trying to get a little closer to the girls.  I've spent a lot of time with them and even had them dying their hair and taken them out into the colour coded world a few times, which they love me for.  They went mental in the shopping centre, they were like two small excited children in a toy shop.

           "Wake up Leafy!!"  Bay starts laughing  "Your car has stopped moving, what's up has it run out of gas, or are you chickening out because you know I'm going to beat you!"
           "Sorry, I switched off for a moment, thinking about work stuff."  I laugh as I tell a white lie and turn my attention back to the game.

We have delayed telling them for a week, while we have waited for Alpine to be having a really good day, which has also helped them to get used to me being here all the time.  They think I'm here just to help Caramel take care of Alpine, we have carried on hiding what has really been going on, hoping we have helped to soften the blow a little. However we can't leave it any longer, time is running out quickly, the trial is only a few weeks away, and I really want them to have partly dealt with this situation before that begins.  Everything has to come out into the open right now.

          "Come on you wuss!!  Put your foot down, they are killing you!!!"  Alpine starts laughing at me as he puts his arm around me, probably to intentionally put me off  "Leafy watch the wall!!"
          "Thanks mate you just killed me!!"  I laugh as my car crashes unceremoniously into the wall, because he had made me jump putting his arm around me.
          "Seriously you are useless, you let all three girls beat you, you wuss!!"  Alpine starts laughing, but he keeps his arm round me.
          "Dad quit with the shit ... I am NOT a girl!!"  Bay snaps
          "You two are starting to worry me!"  Fudge laughs  "You look pretty cosy and loved up there, are you starting to bat for the other side Dad - you two have always been pretty close as friends haven't you!"  me and Alpine laugh at each other
          "Hell no!!"  Alpine laughs as he moves away from me  "You couldn't pay me to sleep with Leafy, I know where he has been, the shirt lifting faggot!!"

I glance at Bay, who is now scowling at Alpine.  I knew he wouldn't like that comment.  Alpine has never been very tactful or comfortable about Bay being gay.  Sometimes I don't think he even realises that what he says is hurtful, especially to Bay.

My phone starts ringing in my pocket, and my stomach rolls.  I pass the the game control to Alpine and jump up to answer my phone, seeing Granites name flashing up on the screen makes me very nervous.  I stroll off into the kitchen so they can't hear my call.

       "Are you ready closet Daddy."  Granite laughs  "We have rounded them up.  We have got Mosaic, Slate and Parsley sat staring at me, Prelude and Mango like we have gone completely mad!!  They think they are in trouble for something."  he laughs
        "Yeah, and I bet you are winding them up to the max!"  I laugh at him
        "Of course ... it's a given!"  he starts to laugh loudly 
        "No I am not ready, I'm shitting myself!!"  I laugh at him
        "You will be fine!!"  Granite starts howling  "It won't hurt after the first punch!!"
        "It's not funny Gran!"
        "Baby, would you like me to come round and hold your hand?"
        "No, because you will just turn it into a pantomime!!"
        "Come on then get it done!!  Oh and be prepared, T is here, when he finds out about you and Mel and that those kids are yours ... oh Berry!!"  he laughs  "So I guess he will be coming round and having the first punch if Bay doesn't beat him to it!!"
        "Sod off, you are really not helping me!" I snap at him  "You need to stop T from kicking off, we are not telling them about Coal today or the pregnancy just in case she does have a termination, so you need to keep his and your trap shut!!"

          "Don't worry Prelude will hold T down, that's if Coal doesn't get at him first, you know he's dying to knock T's head off because he has hidden that he's known where Mel has been for the past two years, as well as his half sibling.  Cinnamon is what has cut him up the most, not getting the chance to ever know him, and I know exactly how that feels because of Tamarin!!"
          "Don't let Coal and T fight please!!  We need our three to get there heads around me before we spring Coal on them!!  If they go kicking off then everyone will know, especially if Parsley hears it, you know how he loves to gossip!!"
          "Don't stress Coal knows he has to wait it out until your three know about him ... and don't stress over the kids either, them finding out you are their sperm donor is going to be shock enough"  he starts laughing  "But when they realise you are a basket case it will have them taking pity on you!"
          "Gran, stop now, why do you have to turn everything into a joke??!!"  I snap at him
          "Sorry, I'll stop now!!"
          "Ohhhh ... I can't do this!!"  I mumble 
          "Yes you can!!  Stop stalling Leafy - seriously, just do it how we rehearsed it and you will be fine!!  They are sensible kids, they will understand that you did the best thing for them in the long run!!"  he laughs quietly  "I want you and Mel walking into that court room holding hands playing happy families with your kids, so we can all stick it to the berry hole!!"
          "They are going to hate me, so I doubt that will happen!"
          "Trust me - it will be fine - now grow a pair and tell them before I come round and do it for you!!"  I just laugh at him

        "Phone me when it's done Leafy.  Good luck!!"
        "Thanks I think I am going to need it!"

He is laughing his head off as the call clicks off.  I really wish he didn't have to wind me up and make a joke out of everything, but that is Granite just being Granite, he has been the same all his life!!   As usual he has made me feel a whole lot worse about doing it by childishly playing me up. 

I walk back into the living room knowing I can't put it off any longer.  I can't even chicken out now either because Granite and Mango are going to fill in Mosaic, Slate and Parsley.  It is not going to affect them too much, but they will need to get over the shock and get their heads around it, before they have to pick up the pieces, if it all goes wrong and Bay, Fudge and Mint take it badly.

I stand there watching them for a moment, I keep having to take deep breaths because I can feel myself starting to panic inside.  Them hating me and not wanting anything to do with me from now on, is what is scaring me the most!!

       "So Mom, why did you drag us all round?"  Bay mumbles as he continues to play the game.

I guess that is my cue to start.  If I don't do it now, I never will.  I start to get very nervous as I take a few deep breaths before I speak.

          "Can you all put the controls down please .... there is something important that we need to talk to you about.  It would help if you all turned your phones off too, so we don't get disturbed by them keep ringing."

The three of them glance at me as one by one they put down the controls, and reluctantly start to turn off their phones after they have watched me turn my phone off and put it down on the side table.

I smile at Mel who is now, sat down next to Alpine.  She is sat by him so that she can stop him if he starts saying the wrong thing, or gets carried away, which might give the game away too early.  They are not going to be told who their biological father is until the very end.

Mel is wearing one of her painted on smiles, so I can tell she is very nervous, and I know exactly how she feels.  Neither of us are looking forward to how they are going to react to this.

          "Is something wrong?"  Mint frowns at me
          "Not wrong exactly, but that all depends on how you want to look at it. You might not be too happy with what you are about to hear, but unfortunately it has to be said."  I smile at her.

I sit down nervously on the floor in front of them, and the three of them stare at me with confusion and worry.  I can imagine that me being the one sitting here and about to talk to them is what might be confusing them.

          "I'm going to be doing the talking because as you know, your Dad struggles and your Mom is very nervous about how you are going to react, and she'll only tie herself up in knots, and we'll be here until Christmas."  I laugh as a cushion comes flying at me, which Mel threw at me.
          "This is about relocating, isn't it!"  Mint laughs
          "No, it is something else."  I smile at her
          "Is something wrong with Dad?"
          "No, he is fine health wise, but it is actually your Dad that we need to talk about."  I glance over at Alpine and he smiles at me.
          "Just do it wuss!!"  I laugh at him before taking a deep breath
          "Alpine is your Dad, and he will always be your Dad, no matter what, nothing can ever change that.   He is the one who has brought you up and loved you since you were babies, he is your Dad in every sense of the word ... except for biologically."
          "What?!"  they are all staring at me in confusion after they have glanced at Alpine.
          "Alpine was not the one responsible for creating you ... he was not the sperm donor."

I sit and watch all three of there faces drop, as they stare between me and Alpine.  I can imagine the shock that they are probably feeling right now ... finding out that Alpine is not biologically their Dad and finding out that I am, were always going to be the hardest two things for them to hear, because it is going to turn their worlds upside down.

          "But that's impossible ... Dad?!!"  Fudge starts chocking
          "He is telling the truth love ... I'm sorry, but it does not change anything, like Leafy said, I love all three of you like you are my own, and I will always be your Dad."
          "This doesn't make sense!!  Sperm donor ... so what were we, Artificial Insemination like Slate, or something?"  Bay mumbles as he frowns at his sisters, who are frowning back at him. "Please tell me you are not about to tell us that we are adopted.
          "No, don't panic, you are all your Mother's children and you were all conceived naturally in the normal way, and the three of you have the same biological father."
          "Well that makes even less sense!!"  Fudge grumbles  "What about Cin?"
          "Cinnamon was your half brother.  Alpine is his biological Dad, but not your threes."
          "So us three have a real Dad who you have never told us about?"  Mint asks as she stares at Caramel.
          "Yes you do."  I answer for her when she doesn't
          "I knew it!!"  Mint says loudly  "I told you didn't I!!  I told you none of us looked like Dad!!"  she is almost scoffing as she stares at Fudge then smiles at me, she almost looks happy, but I think it is more for the fact that her theory is right.   I remember a conversation we had before me and Mel went to Sandy shores, when Mint said she thought she was adopted.
          "So who is he?"  Bay is squinting at me, and I know that look, he doesn't believe what he is hearing.
          "You need to get your heads around Alpine not being your biological Dad first.  We will tell you who he is later, he is not important right now, he has only ever been the jerk that has never been here for you to see.  So I will call him Jerk from now on."
          "Mom?!  Forrest is joking right?"   Fudge seems to be the most upset by it.
          "Do you really think we would joke about something like this."  she mumbles, she can't even look at them  "I'm sorry."
          "Do we know him?"  Mint asks her
          "All three of you need to stop asking questions and just let Forrest explain."

Mel starts to cry, which now makes me feel awkward because I can't go over and put my arm around her until I have got this all out in the open.  I know she is terrified about how angry they will get with her, she is worried that they might even fall out with her over it, but I doubt that will happen, it will be me who they are angriest with the most.  Alpine puts his arm around her as he smiles at me.  I am really glad that he is having a good day today, otherwise this would have been a nightmare.

        "I need to start at the very beginning, and as you know I have always been a very close friend of your parents since they moved into town.  So I was here from the start and know the whole story."

 I smile at them, all three of them are stoney faced they are already trying to deal with the shock, of Alpine not being their biological Dad, which I expected, so I give them a minute while I quietly watch them.   I can already see that the three of them seem to be taking it differently ... Fudge is starting to get upset, Bay just looks very confused and Mint is wide eyed and seems intrigued.  I wander for a moment if they will work out it is me, colour wise  it is glaring obvious, but I don't imagine I will even be a candidate for them, with them thinking I am gay.

        "You two are going to have to but in if I say something wrong."  I glance at Caramel and Apline.
        "Oh don't worry I will!!"  Alpine laughs

I stare at the kids for a moment and take a deep breath again before I start.

        "You already know that your parents met at the boarding school and moved to this town with Mango because of the colour mixing.  From the very start their relationship was not too good.  They rushed into their relationship for all the wrong reasons, they were both mixed up teenagers running away from something ...."
        "Running away from what?"  I laugh for a moment, I guessed that Bay would not be able to sit quietly and listen with out bombarding me with questions all the time.
        "That doesn't matter right now, it's up to them to tell you later."  I smile at Bay  "As soon as your parents moved into town with their school friends, they got married straight away like a pair of stupid teenagers, without even thinking it through properly, and it didn't take long for their relationship to start falling apart.  Cinnamon was already on the way, so they had to stick with it, having a mixed berry child, they thought they had no choice.  They were good friends, and that was all it ever should have been, they have never really loved each other in the true sense of the word.  After Cinnamon arrived, they both started to become very unhappy, they both let their heads be turned by somebody else, so they both started to have an affair on the quiet."
        "Seriously!!"  Bay snaps  "Who with?"
        "Your Dad, with a woman who will remain nameless, and your Mom with the Jerk."  I laugh at him  "Your Mother was the first one to get caught out, your Dad went round to the Jerks house with Mango.  The Jerk answered the door in just a towel making the excuse that he was just getting into the shower, Alpine got suspicious when he spotted Caramel's bag and shoes by the couch, which the jerk didn't think to hide, while she was hiding upstairs.  Alpine ditched Mango and went back to the Jerks house, snook in through the back door, caught them in bed together and he kicked the living shit out of the Jerk!!"
        "Did I?"  Alpine frowns in confusion, obviously because he has forgotten.

          "Yes you did!  I am actually very surprised you don't remember it!!  Johnny Ten Men!!"  I laugh at him.  He suddenly smirks at me then starts laughing with me, like he has started to remember  "You made a right mess of him as I recall - a few broken ribs, arm, fingers and teeth.  One of his ribs punctured his lung and his face was a right mess, he ended up having to spend a few months in hospital."
          "Did Dad get done for it?"  Bay laughs
          "No, the Jerk kind of knew he deserved it, and he didn't grass your Dad up, to protect your Mother and himself from the shame and gossip, you know what its like in this town.  Mango would have been the first one on their backs because they were both married at the time."  I laugh  "The Jerk told everyone he had been jumped and mugged, nobody ever knew it was Alpine who actually did it."  I smirk at Alpine  "Not bad to say you was doing exactly the same thing, behind Mel's back, yourself at the time with another woman, on the sly."  we laugh at each other.
         "It wasn't funny!!  He nearly faded him!!"  Caramel grumbles
         "Things were a bit of a mess for a while, as you can imagine, after a lot of arguing your Mother dumped the Jerk, and your parents decided to try and make a go of it for Cinnamons sake, but she was already pregnant with Bay and she wasn't sure who's baby it was, she thought it was more likely to be the Jerks, so your Dad went after the Jerk again."
         "You beat him up again?"  Bay laughs at Alpine
         "Not so badly this time, he just ended up with a bloody nose and black eye the second time around, but I think what he really wanted to do was knock his block off!!"  I laugh  "There was nothing anyone could do until they found out who's the baby was, and they obviously didn't tell anyone that there was a possibility that the coming baby might not be Alpines.  Your Mother started seeing the Jerk again on the quiet after it all blew up again, because the Jerk caught Alpine with his bit on the side.  It got very complicated ... it was kind of out in the open between the four of them that they were both having an affair, so they kept it to themselves, and nobody else found out."

         "Who was the woman?"  Mint asks.  I glance at Alpine who is just laughing
         "Tell them, it's no skin off my nose!"  he laughs  "Seeing as they will be seeing her very soon anyway, they need to be told!"  he smirks at me and I roll my eyes at him.
         "She was my Sister."  I laugh
         "Dad and Meadow?!"  Bay starts howling
         "Yep!!  Your Dad and Meadow."  I laugh at Bay who is creased up  "Your Dad is one of the reasons why she moved out of town eventually, and why her marriage never really worked out, but we won't go into that right now."  Alpine laughs at me
          "Hang on, why will we be seeing Meadow soon?"
          "Because your Dad and Meadow have been seeing quite a bit of each other later."  I laugh  "She was visiting him every day while he was in the hospice and our trip to Raspberry later, is partly to pick her up, she is coming over to spend some time with him later."  I laugh at myself, this conversation is already going off track.  "Basically since he has come out of the hospice, she has sneaked a few sleep overs, that you haven't seen and she is the reason why your Dad has been a lot calmer and in a better mood this past week."
           "Oh berry!!  This is getting crazy!!"  Bay starts howling  "Sleep over's Leafy you are funny, like we can't imagine what he is getting up to with Meadow if she's been staying over!!"
           "We will talk about your Dad's love life later ... we need to get back to this!!"  I laugh quietly  "So obviously, Bay turned out to be the Jerks baby, and all hell broke lose again."
           "Dad beat him up again?"  Bay is still laughing over the Meadow thing.
           "No, it was the Jerk causing trouble this time.  The Jerk hoped and preyed that the baby would turn out to be Alpines because it wasn't until after you was born Bay, that he admitted he had a problem.  He hates children, never wanted any and wasn't having anything to do with the baby even if it was his. "
          "Forrest - tell it properly!!"  Caramel grumbles.  "Tell them about the pedophobia."
          "It turned out he suffers from a mental disorder, pedophobia - basically he has a phobia,  an abnormal fear of children, and he couldn't be around them because it made him physically and mentally ill."
          "That is mad - I didn't know there was such a thing!!  Fudge frowns at me.

I sit there for a moment a little stumped, I had expected to be hearing hysterical laughter by now, but not one of them are laughing, they all seem very confused by what I have just said.

         "Yeah, it is not very common, but it is an official medical condition.  People who have pedophobia, usually have an underlying cause for it connected with their own childhood ...  being around children brings back bad memories, feelings or flashbacks which triggers the disorder. They feel frightened, terrified even and have major anxiety and panic attack when they are around children.  They will go out of their way to avoid children, even their own - stick a pedophobe in a playground full of children and he is likely to throw up and pass out after he has had a major panic attack.  It doesn't stop them from loving their children eventually, but they can't be around them comfortably until they are teenagers.  Babies, toddlers, small children, freak them right out."
        "Wow that's mad!  So our real Dad has that condition?"
        "Yes he does - that is why he has always been hidden from you and has never been here, in the sense of being your Father, because he physically and mental couldn't.  He has spent the whole of your lives as a psychiatric patient and on medication, but as yet, nothing has helped him over come his problem. "  I smile at them, I am a little amused that they are all sit there a little wide eyed and not laughing.  "He was a little ashamed to start with and didn't admit to the condition properly for a very long time, especially not at first, because he didn't really understand it and couldn't deal with it himself at the time, especially accept the fact that he had a mental illness.   When he was diagnosed, he started to see a psychiatrist regularly hoping it would help cure him, but it hasn't really helped.  He didn't even tell your parents the truth ... to them he looked like he was just being a total berry hole, turning his back on his child and running away from his responsibilities, using he hates children as an excuse.  The Jerk threw a massive wobble told your Mother he would never have anything to do with the baby, it was over between them and he moved out of town.  Suddenly having a child of his own, with his condition, traumatised him and he couldn't deal with it.  So your Mom was left on her own, holding the baby."


        "You said he's a psychiatric patient, so is he in a mental hospital?"  Fudge frowns
        "No!"  I start to laugh  "At times he has felt like he should be!"  I continue to laugh  "Having a phobia does not make him mental.  He does have physiological issues, like a lot of people do, but he's as sane as anyone.  He has actually got a high IQ, he has a very good job, and walks around this town and lives just like everyone else, and you would never know he has a problem unless you put a child in the room with him.  The phobia he has in reality is just like any other phobia - spiders, heights, flying, clowns, we all have one ... phobia's make people act irrationally when they are around what they fear, like he does, his phobia unfortunately is children."  I smile at them  "People have a phobia and fear of the dentist because of a horrible experience they had when they were a child.  People fear needles because of the painful routine injections they remember having when they were a child.  Like Mace has a blood phobia, due to bad things he was made to witness during his childhood, he pretty much does the same as the Jerk, he throws up passes out and has panic attacks at the sight of blood."
        "So the Jerk lives in this town?"  Bay frowns at me
        "Yes he does."  I smile at him, and start talking again before he starts asking too many more questions.  "So after the jerk found out Bay was his, he threw a wobble and did one, he left town leaving your parents in a bit of a hole, especially not knowing if he was ever coming back.  They had Cinnamon who was both of theirs, and the Jerks baby, nobody knew that the baby wasn't Alpines so they kept it a secret, to stop all the gossip, while they waited to see if the Jerk came back and changed his attitude.  Alpine took on the baby as if it was his own and they told nobody, not even Mango, so it was our secret and nobody else needed to know."
         "Leafy .. you knew?"

I realise I have seriously just slipped up, by saying our secret so I have to try and cover myself with a white lie, I don't want them to find out the jerk is me until they have heard the full story.  They are taking it quite well at the moment, and I don't want to spoil it.  I think the phobia has distracted them just like Granite and Mango said it would.
         "Yes, I have always been a very close friend of your parents, and of course there was my sisters involvement in it.  I have helped them to hide your biological fathers identity from you, I'm sorry!!"
         "You knew all this time that Dad was not our real Dad and you didn't say anything?"  Bay frowns at me  "Here we go again, just like with Slate, Leafy has been hiding things instead of coming out and telling the truth!!"  Bay snaps

          "DON'T blame Forrest!!"  Caramel snaps at Bay  "He couldn't tell you, and you have never been told about your real Dad for your own good, and if you stopped asking so many questions and let him finish speaking, you would understand that!!"
          "I'm sorry Bay, I couldn't tell you!!  It has always been up to your Mom and Dad to tell you when they were ready, when you were old enough to deal with it properly!!"  he continues to frown at me  "Honestly, it was better that you didn't know the truth, especially while you was young.  The jerk, with his phobia, in his uncontrollable state every time he was anywhere near you, would have just wrecked your life, he would have left you mentally scared, left you feeling unloved and unwanted .... even though he does love you from a distance, but he couldn't get close enough to show you that because his phobia wouldn't let him.  Having him in your life and knowing he was your Dad would have messed your heads up and at a young age you would never have understood the mental disorder that he has, the way he would have behaved around you and especially not why he was openly rejecting you.  Rejecting you, not because he wanted to, but because his phobia made him.  He is terrified of children, and can not be around them, and that is the only reason why he has been kept hidden from you."  I take a deep breath and all three of them are just staring at me blankly  "Trust me when I tell you, your parents, all three of them, did the best thing they possibly could for you.   You have had a very good Dad in Alpine while you were growing up, which you would never have had with the Jerk, they did it this way to protect you."
         "You said he loves you from a distance ...?"  Bay is really frowning at me
         "He lives in this town and has always been very close and in the background of your life Bay, financially supporting and watching all three of you, you just never knew it, or that he is your biological Dad.  Just because he couldn't have anything to do with you and had to keep his distance until you were teenagers, for your own sake, it doesn't mean that he has not been close to you, and doesn't care about you or love you - because he has and he does."
        "Do you know him?"
       "Yes, obviously I know him."  I mumble and hear Alpine laughing quietly
       "You know him very well don't you Forrest!"  Alpine laughs

          "Do we know him?"  Bay frowns at me
          "Yes you do know him, you have all had direct contact with him since you became teenagers, he just couldn't tell you who he was .... not until your Mom and Dad were ready to sit you down and tell you properly."
          "So why isn't he here telling us this now?"
          "Your parents wanted you to hear the full story first, so that you could at least get your head around his phobia and this whole situation, and why it has been done this way, before you find out who he is.  Then you can deal with him later in whichever way bests suits you.  All three of your parents want you to realize and understand that what they have done, was done with only your best interests in mind, and that this changes nothing as far as Alpine goes!!  He will always be here and your Dad.  Just because you are finding out now that he was not the one that created you, it does not mean you have to exclude him, love and treat him any differently.  Your real Dad obviously wants you to know the truth and be a part of your life properly now that he can no longer screw your heads up to the point where he ruins your life.  However,  he is not going to be muscling in and turfing Alpine out, the three of them have worked together as friends for the whole of your lives and it will just continue in the same way.  From now on you will have three parent, and the relationship you have with the Jerk from now on is entirely up to you."
        "That's all well and good - but if this guy has this child phobia problem - why are there three of us, it doesn't make sense, I could understand if only I was not Dads, but all three of us??!!"

I look over at Caramel and we both start laughing.

       "That is my fault mostly."  Caramel mumbles  "I basically left him without any choice of having three children."
       "I'll continue with the story - then it will all make perfect sense."  I smile at them and notice that all three of them seem a little more relaxed, which is helping me to relax a little.
       "So after he found out Bay was his, the Jerk left town.  While he was away, not really expecting him to come back, your parents decided they should try again to make a go of their marriage for both Bay and Cinnamon's sake.  They both felt trapped in this town because of the two colour mixed babies, and instead of splitting up, they thought they could do it together, they have always been very good friends, regardless of their failed marriage."
        "So he came back?"  Mint frowns at me
        "Yes obviously because there are three of you."  I laugh at her and she just rolls her eyes at me

          "The Jerk, after he had calmed down a little, started to miss your Mother and he got very curious of the baby.  He never expected to ever have any children of his own with his phobia, and just knowing the baby was his, started to tear him apart."
          "Does he hate us?"  Fudge asks quietly
          "No of course he doesn't hate you, he loves you ... he hates himself, for having the phobia and being the way that he is.  Emotionally he has always been very torn, wanting to be your Dad, but the phobia didn't let him.  Until you were teenagers he was scared stiff of you, and couldn't be around you, even though he wanted to be."
          "So he has never had anything to do with us ... until we were teenagers?"
          "That is not strictly true!!"  I laugh  "Don't think he hasn't ever tried, because he has!!!  He has made himself physically and mentally ill over the years sticking close by and even having direct contact with you, when you were babies, toddlers and children, which can be explained to you properly when you know who the Jerk is.  When you do know who he is, I think you will remember things from your childhood, that will prove he has always been around and here for you.   He has stayed very close and around you all your life ... you all know him very well and have had contact with him, so never think he rejected you to the point he walked away and had nothing to do with you at all .... and his true identity has only ever been hidden from you to protect you from seeing and being hurt by his irrational behaviour caused by his phobia!!"  I laugh for a moment  "Of course Bay was the hardest one for him to deal with, being the first.  As part of his therapy the psychiatrist encouraged him to spend time with the baby, so they could try and rationalize the root of his problem and try to fix it.  So he used to sit watching you sleeping, but the moment you moved or cried, he started having a panic attack.  He actually spent a lot of time here with you Bay, in the early days, but he had to keep his distance.  Even though it was very hard for him, he really tried ... he even tried to beat his own fear by forcing himself to touch you and pick you up.  He did manage to learn how to pick you up, change nappies and feed you but he constantly shook from the fear and couldn't do it for long without throwing a wobble.  He had to stop doing it in the end, for your sake as much as his, because babies sense things, and it wouldn't have done you a lot of good sensing his anxiety and fear, most of the time you did start to cry when he touched or got close to you."
          "So he actually held me and fed me when I was a baby?"  Bay asks

          "Yes he did, but not usually at the same time.  He couldn't hold and feed you it was too much, your Mother had to sit you in your rocking chair and he'd just hold the bottle, but most of the time he had his eyes shut because Bay flapping his arms around freaked him out.  If you so much as brushed his hand while you were flapping your arms, he used to have melt downs right there on the spot, panic attacks, throwing up and passing out.  He constantly felt terrified and it always led to a major panic attack."
       "He sounds like a right nutter!!"  Bay laughs
       "That's how he feels about himself most of the time and if you watched him having one of his melt downs you probably would think he is ... but unfortunately because he has this phobia, a child can turn a seemingly sane man into a blubbering irrational wreck."  I laugh back  "Who is scared of spiders?"
      "Me!"  Fudge and Mint say at the same time while Bay just sits there laughing at them.
      "Well, just imagine how you would feel if you had a big hairy Tarantula crawling on the carpet in front of you right now"  I laugh as Fudge and Mint both shudder   "You would get really scared, start to panic, probably scream the place down, and run like hell!!  Just like your Mother, who has an irrational fear of the tiniest of spiders, you would think she is nuts!!"  I laugh at Mel for a moment  "You would be creeped out just knowing that spider is in the room with you, and just imagine you was forced to hold that spider!!  How you would feel having that spider in front of you is exactly how he feels having a child in front of him."  I smile at them  "To anyone who doesn't have a phobia it seems irrational, but those who suffer from them, it is very real and it can totally control their life."
       "So why have three children if that is how he is and that is what he has to go through?  That really does not make sense!!"

       "Honestly, all three of you were stupidity on both your Mom and the Jerks parts at the time ..."  I hear Alpine laughing  "and even though this has been far from an ideal situation, and he especially has been through hell because of your existence ... however, don't think he has ever regretted you being here, because he doesn't far from it - the mental hell he went through when you were little,  to him now, it has all been worth it, and he especially does not regret his stupidity, otherwise you wouldn't be here."
        "Explain his stupidity."  Bay laughs
        "Realistically, a man with his phobia should have had the snip to prevent him from ever creating children that put him in this situation and through the hell in the first place.  But he has never had the snip.  Like I have said, he has always been very torn, he has tried desperately to get his phobia cured so he could be a proper Dad to you.  He has never had the snip because he has always hoped one day he would be cured and would be able to have a child with your Mother, and do it right ... but unfortunately that has never happened for him.   Stupidly he has hung onto a dream that has never become a reality."
        "So they were stupid and didn't take precautions!!"   Bay laughs, which makes me and Alpine start laughing.
        "Oh they took precautions, well your Mother was supposed to be taking precautions, but she didn't seem to get the hang of how the pill works!!"  I laugh at Caramel who throws another cushion at me.
         "That's it, you just make me look bad!!"  Caramel laughs at me
         "Your Mother was on the pill when she got caught with you Bay, but she had had an upset stomach and didn't realise that she needed to take extra precautions, because illness can mess with the pill as you probably know."  I laugh quietly  "I'll carry on with the story, then you'll know how you were all created."  I laugh  "When the Jerk came back, your Mother admitted that she was in love with the jerk, and he was here, trying to spend time with Bay, and their relationship just started up again and since then, it has never stopped."  I see all three of them frowning at Caramel for a moment  "It didn't take long for Alpine to suss they were at it again, and that's when their marriage officially ended, quite amicably in the end because while your Mother has always been in love with the Jerk, your Dad has always been in love with my sister."

I pause for a moment while Bay is laugh, he knows and has seen Meadow more than anyone over the years especially when he was younger, because he hung around Slate.  Little does he know yet, that Meadow is his Aunt and visiting Gravel's is how she used to sneakily see her nephew!!

       "Just after your parents decided to end their marriage, your Mother discovered their had been a second contraception accident and Fudge was on the way.  Your Mother was still on the pill at the time, so the baby was very unexpected, and she had only been sleeping with the Jerk, so they knew that the baby was going to turn out to be his, which sent his head off again, so he threw another wobble."
       "He threw a hell of a lot of wobbles!!"  Alpine starts laughing and I just laugh with him.  "He puked on the carpet so much when you two were babies, he had to replace it, more than once.  I didn't realise anyone could puke so much and so often"  I laugh at Caramel who slaps Alpines arm, to stop him from going any further.
       "With the Jerks second baby on the way, the three of them had to sit down and reach some sort of agreement.  It was obvious by then that there was no stopping either of the relations your Mother and the Jerk or your Dad and Meadow, so your parents decided to split up permanently after a lot of arguing over Cinnamon.  They were going through a divorce and the plan was that Alpine was going to look for a place to live, he was going to take Cinnamon, and your Mother was obviously keeping Bay and Fudge.  The jerk and your Mother had to carry on living separately, because he couldn't live with you due to his phobia, which was not getting any better, if anything it was getting worse at the time, because he was so stressed out about it, especially that he could not be a proper Dad to you both.  That was around the time that all three of your parents decided that for your sake it was best that you didn't know who your biological Father was until you were old enough to deal with it, which would protect you from his irrational behaviour while you were growing up.  You would have noticed an absent Father, and asked too many questions which would have made it impossible for them to hide the truth and his identity, so to stop that from happening, they decided that they would continue to let everyone think that you two were Alpines kids, and he would continue to treat you as such.  That way at least you would have some sort of Dad while you were growing up, because they knew you would not be getting one with the Jerk, and it was best that you never found out about him, so that he couldn't upset you.
      "But they didn't split up obviously!"
      "No, but they have been divorced since just after Fudge was born."

I see all three of them stare wide eyed at Alpine and Caramel.

      "They didn't separate completely or straight away because it was all very amicable between the three of them.  The longer Bay and Cinn had both of their parents the better, and your Mom was pregnant, as soon as that baby bump starts showing, the Jerk really struggles and backs away, especially from your Mother.  Your Mom and Dad could live together amicably for the sake of you kids, so they were in no rush, and the three of your parents were worried that once they took the step of separating everything would come out, they weren't looking forward to the stick they would all get.  They also were better sticking together, because there were things happening at the time - they were getting silent phone calls and threatening texts from Lime.  Lime did her first hit and run which faded Cosmic, put Prelude in hospital and Lilly lost her baby.  Obviously, them all being so close, Lilly needed them and they were all up in the air, scared Lime was coming back at them.  So your parents kept quiet about their problems and put the move on hold until the dust had settled and the threat of Lime was over  However it never happened because you know Lime did her second hit and run, this time Alpine was the victim."
     "And that bitch is still out there somewhere!!"  Alpine mumbles
     "Your Dad's brain damage obviously changed everything.  While your Dad was in hospital your Mother had to carry on pretending like everything was okay, worried that everyone would think she was heartless if the truth came out, and she knew like the Jerk did, that Alpine had no family, and they would have to look after him ... Cinnamon was all he had besides your Mother.  Even after he was released from hospital, it took over a year for him to recover fully, which your Mother and the Jerk had to help him through.  The result of the hit left him needing 24/7 supervision in the future for his own safety, which meant that your parents were permanently stuck together.  Alpine couldn't take Cinnamon and move out like they had origninally planned, because it wouldn't have been safe for Cinnamon, so he had to stay here and your Mother was left to look after him. So your Mother has basically only been his carer since the hit and run."

     "What happened with Meadow?"  Bay asks  "Did she dump Dad because of the brain damage?"
     "No, the brain damage had nothing to do with it, it hindered them with this situation, but that was not the reason why they broke up.!!  There were other reasons ... It all got a bit too much and complicated for all of them.  Something I can't really explain right now, but she did love your Dad at the time, actually she still does, and if circumstances had been different, they probably would have made a go of it, but there were factors that made it way to complicated.  Your Mother and Meadow seriously do not get on, even still.  The Jerk, Meadow and your Mother were at it hammer and tongue all the time for quite a few reasons.  It was just too messy and a nightmare situation, so they chose to end their relationship for the sake of the three kids ... Mint wasn't even in the picture then."  I smile at them
      "That doesn't make sense, if she loves Dad, why would Meadow do that for our sake?"

I stare at Alpine for a moment, I knew telling them about Alpine and Meadow would complicate things, and I can't really explain to them properly without telling them about me first.

       "Like I said, that is something that really needs to be explained to you later, but with all the fighting and arguing going on, Cinn and Bay were getting old enough to notice, which was upsetting them, so it was best it stopped completely ... besides you seeing your Mother and the Jerk together and your Dad and Meadow together, was not going to help, it would have confused you, and they never would have been able to hide your biological Father's identity away from you and their biggest fear has always been you finding out about your real Dad and him messing your heads up and ruining your lives with his phobia.  You have only ever seen your parents together, which is what we needed you to see, to stop you all from uncovering the truth and getting hurt.  The Jerk and Meadow both had to step out of the situation, while your parents have carried on giving the impression to everyone that they are just a normal married couple.  They have told nobody over the years, to protect you, because the less people that knew, the less likely you would find out."

They sit there staring at me, saying nothing.

        "Your Dad suffering from the effects of his brain damage has not really been ideal for you while you were growing up, however compared to the alternatives, what you have had has been the far better thing for you!!   Having no Dad at all, or having your real Dad here with his phobia, would have both mentally affected you, to the point where it could have ruined your life."  I smile at them  "I hope and think that you are sensible enough, when you get your head around all this, that you will see, all three of your parents did the very best thing for you!!" 
       "So where did I come from?"  Mint asks and I laugh at her.
       "Obviously, your Mother and the jerk have carried on with their relationship in secret, snatching any time they could get together, trying to hide it from everyone especially you kids so you didn't get hurt."  I glance at Caramel for a moment
      "Tell them, it's okay."  she mumbles
      "There was actually another child in between Fudge and Mint ..."
      "Your Mother had a miscarriage.  Another accidental pill pregnancy, or so she says."  I raise my eyebrows at Caramel, forgetting myself for a minute and she just laughs quietly  "I swear if he didn't have this phobia and didn't kicked up such a fuss they would have a hundred kids by now, if it was left up to your Mother!!"  this makes everyone laugh
        "Shut up Forrest - just tell the story!!"  she laughs at me

        "You Mint, caused a lot of arguments between the jerk and your Mother, because there should have been no more children after Fudge, the situation was bad enough without adding another child to the situation.  Your Mother, understandably was off her head a little after the miscarriage  ... and her way of dealing with it, she sneakily planned you, against his wishes and without him knowing.  She did not tell the jerk until after it was too late and over the 24 week mark, she managed to hide the growing baby bump from everyone.  She actually fell out with the Jerk for a while, on purpose to keep him away from her, so he didn't notice the baby bump.  I went ballistic at her ..."  I realise I have just slipped up again saying I!!   "As her doctor, she didn't come to see me, she took a huge and very stupid risk not getting any medical attention in the early stages of the pregnancy, especially after the miscarriage, and as it happened there were quite a few scares with your pregnancy Mint, so it could quite easily have happened again.  After you was born, your Mother was advised not to try for any more children, because of the higher risk of miscarriage, and she was fitted with the coil to prevent any more pregnancies."  I glance over at Mel for a moment and she just laughs at me sarcastically, because she knows I am having a dig at her.  "Of course the Jerks head went off again, knowing he had another child on the way, but it was not so bad because he was having to keep his distance anyway, and Alpine acquired the Jerk's third child to bring up as his own."
       "Why did she have a miscarriage?  Why didn't we know about this?"
       "You were too young at the time, and what was the point of upsetting you, when you got older.  Your Mother, even though she will never forget it, and it will always hurt, she had pretty much dealt with it when she had Mint to distract her."  I smile at Mel for a moment  "The baby was a girl ... and we don't really know why.  There was nothing wrong with the baby that could be seen, and I suspect it could be a weakness in the cervix, especially after her next pregnancy was very rocky.  She has never really had it investigated properly, even after the scares with Mint's pregnancy, because there was not really any point when there never should be any more pregnancies."

I stare at Mel, my mind has gone a little, talking about that child, because she knows what my main worry is with this pregnancy if she goes a head with it, if the last two pregnancies are anything to go by, she is probably setting herself up for a lot of heartache, especially with it being a multiple pregnancy, the chances of that pregnancy reaching full term is almost impossible in my mind, and Mango thinks exactly the same.

       "Can't this phobia be cured?"  Mint asks which snaps my head back.
       "Sometimes they can, it depends on the phobia, the cause of it and if the patient can resolve the physiological issues that are causing it.  The jerk has been seeing a psychiatrist since Bay was born and still is, he has even tried hypnosis, and various other things, but none of it has help.  As it stands with him now, he is a lot better than he was, he is finally starting to work through his physiological issues and over the years he has learned to hide and control it to a certain extent, up until recently, only your parents knew in this town that he actually has a problem, because he has managed to hide it completely from everyone."
        "How is he a lot better?"  Bay asks.
        "He can be around children now for a short time without showing he has a problem, but he generally walks away quickly so that he doesn't trigger his disorder and make a fool of himself."  I smile at Fudge  "Like your baby, he has held him recently, but it was only for a short time, the baby could probably feel his anxiety and started crying so he passed him to Mosaic and walked away quickly.  What nobody saw, the jerk ran outside threw up, went home and cried for hours.  Which is a big improvement on how he used to be, when Bay was tiny, he would have had a full scale panic attacks, threw up and passed out, just from watching Bay flapping his arms and legs."
        "This is getting freaky!!  He has held my baby - when, where?"
        "At the hospital just after he was born."  I see Fudge frowning like she is trying to work it out  "You was asleep, you didn't see him.  The Jerk was with Mango, who was showing off his new Grandchild."  I laugh  "He didn't have a clue, that the jerk also had an interest in that boy." 

        "So is it just babies that set him off?"
        "No any child up to teenage.  Why babies freak him out, he can't quite work out, he doesn't know himself, but that's just part of the phobia.  Seeing toddlers and children doing things that remind him of his own childhood, gives him flashbacks that set him off, but it's children that are actually the worst for him.  They make too much noise, which goes straight though him - it is the childish and hyperactive behaviour that causes him to have flashbacks of his own childhood, which triggers him off!!"  I hesitate for a moment, knowing Bay might work me out from what I am about to say   "He has a sibling who has children, who hate their Uncle with a passion because of the way that he is with and around them.  The jerk sometimes stays with his sibling, and he can now live under the same roof as the children, he can even tolerate them being in the same room as him, as long as they are quiet, don't run around and he doesn't look at them, even though just knowing they are in the same room as him makes him anxious - the minute they start making noise or moving about, he goes off on one at them, he doesn't mean to be nasty to them personally, but they stir up his fear and he just can't help it.  Most of the time they walk into the room and he walks out, and he is very cold and aloof with them, even verbally nasty, hense why they can't stand him.  When he is there he spends most of the time in his room and that's where he eats his meals too, so he doesn't have to be around the children, which upsets him and them.  The sibling has tried to explain his phobia to the children, but they don't understand.  The jerk is just a horrible nasty person in their eyes and they hate it when he visits."  I roll my eyes  "He does not make them feel good about themselves, they feel unloved and unwanted by him, and that is exactly how he did not want you three to feel and exactly how he would have made you feel, but it would have been worse for you because he is your biological father.  That is why he has kept himself hidden from you. "
     "I don't get it ... Mom how have you managed to hide all this?"  Fudge frowns at Caramel

     "With great difficulty, but we had to to stop you three getting hurt."  she mumbles
     "I understand that, but how have we never seen it?  Him? Everything!?"  she frowns  "I know you and Dad have never been ... touchy feely or shown any affection towards each other, I can't say I even remember you two hugging or kissing each other, but we thought that was just the way you were or you did it in private, even though we could never figure out when because you have always had separate rooms, but we thought that was because of Dad's brain damage."  She laughs sarcastically at herself  "I have just answered my own question haven't I!!  It has been there staring us right in the face all the time hasn't it ... are we stupid not to have seen this?"
     "No of course you weren't stupid!!"  she smiles at Fudge  "We are glad you never worked it out!!  Your real Dad is proof, with his phobia, of how your childhood can affect and physiologically damage you .... we never wanted that for you, which he would have done to you, unintentionally, if you had known he was your Dad acting the way he does with his condition.    Even though you might not like what you are learning now, we did the best thing for you by keeping him out of your life, and the three of us, me, your Dad and the jerk, even Meadow,  have had to make a lot of sacrifices to do what is best for you."
     "So how did you hide it?  When, where and how did you see the Jerk?"
     "He lives alone so I used to go round to his house mostly, especially after you became old enough to notice things, but he used to come round to see me and you three when you were sleeping.  He used to sleep over sometimes and creep out at 5am in the morning, before you got up to see him. That's why I've always had a lock on my bedroom door to stop you walking in while he was in there.  He has had to hide out in there many times over the years."  she chuckles  "He used to come round to see me when you was at school if he wasn't at work.  A lot of times I haven't been where I've said I've been, like work, I didn't work as many shifts as you think I do."  she looks at them sheepishly  "However, you have seen him here many times throughout the whole of your life, socially and sitting with your Dad, especially after you became teenagers, but as far as you are concerned he's just a friend, like anyone else who comes here to visit or sit with your Dad.  Since you all moved out, it has been a lot easier, because he has been here a lot, day and night ... and I may as well tell you now, I wasn't alone in Sandy Shores, he was there with me."

I bite my lip because she might have just given the game away,  and Mint glanced at me for a moment with a frown on her face, and I think for a second she has sussed it is me.

     "Did you know the Jerk was in Sandy Shores with Mom?"
     "Yes."  I mumble
     "You have been here all the time lately ... so you must have seen him here."  she says which makes me laugh, because it looks like I am not even a possible suspect for them, and if she thought about what she has just said, she might just realise.
     "Yes I've seen him here."  which isn't a lie because I do see myself in the mirror, I can't help but laugh, Alpine is also laughing.
    "Dad and you knew?"
    "Yeah of course I did."  he laughs  "I used to lie and cover for them all the time, me and the Jerk are friends, and while your Mother used to have to hide the fact she was having a relationship with him, we have both openly been his friend, we even used to go out drinking together with and without your Mother, when I was well enough to.  He is and has been a hell of a lot closer to you than you even know!!"  he starts laughing and I hear Caramel slap him.
    "And it didn't bother you that she was with someone else?"
    "No."  he laughs  "While she is basically my best friend, mine and your Mothers Marriage was practically over even before Cinnamon was born, we just clung onto it because we thought we had to.  We were both just stupid mixed up teenagers, we have never really loved each other and should never have got married in the first place.   Your Mother and the jerk were meant to be together, not us, and I didn't mind because the only person I've ever loved is Meadow."
    "So why did you stay ... and do all this, instead of being with Meadow?"
    "I will explain all that to you when you have found out who the Jerk is."  he goes quiet for a moment and I am really glad he had the sense and sanity to say that, I am nervously sitting here waiting for him to slip up in some way.  "Me and your Mother, we both had Cinnamon to think about, I didn't want to wreck his life, when I didn't need to, by taking him away from his Mother, bearing in mind I grew up with neither parent, so for all your sakes, we just tried to make the best of a bad situation, which the three of us created for ourselves. So there have always been three of us in this, me, the Jerk and your Mother, you have always had three parents while you have only ever seen the two of us."

     "Did Cinnamon ever know about this?"

The three of us look at each other, I for one have been dreading this question.  This is something that we couldn't agree or decide on, now he is not here to speak for himself, we didn't want them to think badly of him, but at the same time, we don't want any more lies.  Alpine slowly nods his head at me and smiles.

     "Yes he knew."  I mumble quietly
     "HE KNEW that Dad was not our real Dad!?" Bay is almost off his seat as he shouts it
     "Bay please ... don't any of you be angry, upset yourself or think badly of him ... it didn't make a difference to him as far as you three go, you were still his brother and sisters and he still loved you the same, he was only doing the best thing for you, like all three of your parents.
      "So how did he get to know and not us?"
      "He was never meant to know and would have been told the truth at the same time as you were.  However, he kind of uncovered the truth for himself, being a policeman with an inquisitive mind, I guess it was inevitable that he would play detective and get to the truth, especially when it came to his Mother."  I laugh but I'm cringing  "Like you lot, he was pretty oblivious while he was growing up.  His suspicion only started when he notice your Mother lying a few times.  She told you lot she was going to one place but he spotted her in another and every time she lied about where she was going, he saw her with the Jerk somewhere she shouldn't have been.  He started to watch your Mother very closely, even followed her.  He soon realised that your Mom and the Jerk where sneaking around a lot and spending way too much time together and she was doing a hell of a lot of lying.  He was worried that she might be having an affair behind your Dads back, but he thought he was going mad because it was the Jerk he kept seeing her with."
       "Why would he think he was going mad?"

 I bite my lip when the question is thrown at me, because I just realise I've made a mistake.  Cinn thought he was going mad because I'm supposed to be gay, but I can't tell them that without giving myself away to them.

         "He knew the jerk as being a very good and close friend of your Dads, he didn't think he would be the sort to be having an affair with your Mother, or betray your Dad."  I laugh fobbing them off with the only think I can think of saying, the truth in a round about way.  "He continued to watch them until he finally caught them out ... he caught the Jerk trying to sneak out of this house at 5am in the morning after he'd watched him sneak in and out of your Mothers room.
          "And you don't have to be a policeman to work out what they were doing in there."  Alpine starts laughing  

Bay starts to really laugh at Alpine and I can't help but laugh with him.

         "Luckily, there was only Mint in the house, and she didn't hear anything.  Bay you were sleeping over at Slates, and Fudge was at Coral's."  I laugh quietly  "Cinnamon twisted the Jerk up and handcuffed him.  He handcuffed him to the bed and stuffed a pillow case in his mouth to keep him quiet.  He locked the jerk up in your Mothers room until Mint went to school then it all kicked off."  The three of them sit laughing
         "But he never told us!"
         "Your Dad spoke to him, he told him everything about the situation, then he spoke to your Mother and the Jerk, and Cinnamon calmed right down after that.  He was a little shocked by it all, but he understood, that the way your parents have done it, was better for you.  So he has just sat on the secret knowing one day you would be told the truth when you were old enough to deal with it."  I smile at them  "So please don't think badly of Cinnamon, he helped your parents keep the secret because he loved you and didn't want you to get hurt."

There is a silence in the room, while they are thinking and I really don't know what else I can say to prolong the agony of them finding out who the Jerk is.
      "So who is our biological Dad?"  Fudge mumbles
      "Well obviously he is completely green ... like Forrest."  Alpine starts laughing  "Or we would never have been able to get away with it, especially me pretending to by your Dad!"
      "Who do you know in this town who is green?" Fudge is staring at me and asking me the question, and I am trying hard not to laugh
       "Forrest is green."  Bay starts howling  "But we can count him out, he's gay!!"
       "There is that old green guy who lives over by the cemetery."  Mint mumbles
       "Oh, give me some credit please!!"  Caramel snaps
       "Don't you think you three ought to get your head around this situation before you make it worse for yourselves by knowing who he is?"  I mumble quietly as my stomach is tying itself into really painful knots
       "No ... I want to know ... Leafy, who is he?"  he grumbles  "How are we supposed to get our heads around this if we don't know who he is."

I laugh at Alpine who is now really laughing

      "Go on then Jerk."  he smirks at me  "I'll let you do the honers of telling them who their creator and sperm donor is."

Alpine starts howling after a few seconds, he has just called me Jerk and none of them have reacted.

      "They seriously aren't getting it are they Leafy!!  They can't see what is sat right under there noses!!"  he laughs  "I think you are going to have to spell it out for them."
       "Yes Leafy, tell us, who is he?"  Bay frowns at me

       "You asked earlier why the Jerk wasn't the one here telling you all this ... well he has been."
       "What?!"  Bay laughs
       "The Jerk has been sat right in front of you all the time ... you all have Leaf in your name for a very good reason, because ... I am the jerk who helped your Mother create all three of you!!"

There is an awkward silence as the three of them sit there staring at me in shocked disbelief, mouths open and wide eyed.

Finally I have done it!!


No comments:

Post a Comment