Wednesday, 16 November 2016

Forrest 1

Wild Horses ...

I open my office door and just stroll in.

The first thing that has always caught my eye when I first enter my office, is the photograph of me and Granite that has hung there for years.  My eyes are automatically drawn to it, however it is not there any more because I finally took it down and binned it in temper months ago.  Now my eyes fall upon the nail and the discoloured square outline on the painted wall, visibly showing where it used to hang.

In a way, this actually feels worse than it used to, not seeing the photograph there every day, but I know I've got to let it go and get over it!!  I need to find another photograph to put there, then my mind might stop wandering to somewhere that it doesn't want to be any more.

Having to resign myself to the fact that mine and Granites relationship was completely over was very hard for me to do to start with.  He has moved on, he has never loved me so he reckons, for him it was emotional attachment, he loves Mace, so he is divorcing me and making plans for the future that don't include me ... which is actually fine by me now.  

I'm a dreamer, but its hard to sleep when your heads not in it

For me it was love, and while I will always love him, I am now done fighting it.  I am seriously very tired and worn down by it all, because it hurts more being with him than without him.   I was trying to kid myself that loving him would be enough, when our dysfunctional life and relationship in reality was never going to work, or make either of us happy.  If I had been gay then it might have been different, but I'm not.  It has stupidly taken me this long to realise, that I have actually been happier without him in my life, than I am now with him back in it and here again, especially as he has come back a totally different person, he is definitely not the Granite that I used to know.

I wander sometimes where my head has been at these past twenty odd years clinging onto the hope that he would come back one day, and we could just pick up our dysfunctional life and relationship, from where we left off ... only now can I see everything clearly ... too many better things have gotten in the way of that over the years, for the both of us.

We have now both finally come to our senses, and let go of our emotional attachment, obsession or what every it was, that had a hold of us and kept us clinging onto each other.  We can both now see that what we have individually, is so much better than what we had together.  I actually don't want him or that life back any more, when I can have a much better one, one that I have actually already slyly been living on the quiet.  A life that has been there for me for the past twenty years, but I was just too stupid and blind to take control of it or myself!!   Granite is not the only one moving on to a much better place, because finally I am going to sort all my secrets and life out, so that I can live it openly and properly!!   

I am so distracted by my thoughts, I had not realised that my office is not empty like I expected it to be, until I hear quiet talking.   I see Mango sat behind my desk.  I catch my breath when I notice Caramel is sat in front of him and they seem to be deep in conversation, it's a little ironic that she should be sat here at this moment.

They stop talking as I enter the room and close the door.  She turns and smiles weakly at me, I can see that she is upset and has been crying, which disturbs me.

I've been restless cause you disappeared and there is something missing

     "Hello Forrest, I'm surprised to see you here, can't you keep away from the place."  Mango smiles at me  "So what are you doing here on your day off?"
     "I just popped in to check my desk, I can't find my driving licence or passport at home,  I also need to have a quick word with you if I can."  I smile at him before I smile at Caramel  "You don't mind me interrupting do you?  It won't take long."
     "No it's fine you carry on."  she smiles at me miserably again.

Mango gets up from the chair so I can unlock and open my desk draw.  I pull out both of the items I'm looking for with relief, I was beginning to think I had lost them completely.

     "Thank berry ... I've been looking for these everywhere."  I laugh as I throw them on my desk temporarily while I lock my draw up back again.
     "It's unlike you to lose things Forrest."  Mango laughs at me
     "I must have left them in here last week after I had to fly out to Rainbow to cover your rotation."  I smile at Mango as I move aside and he sits back down again.  "I walked straight back into that emergency if you remember so, I must have thrown them in my desk quickly, and they slipped my mind."
     "If you are wandering what I am doing in here ... I didn't think you would mind me using your office, mine has been painted out this morning, I'm suffocating on paint fumes in there."  Mango laughs at me  "I've told them they can come back and do yours when I can breath in my own again.  When you are back, you'll have to bunk in with me until the air is clear in here."

He always amuses me, he is so nerdy about everything.

     "It's fine!!" I laugh at him
     "I need to ask you something ..."  he laughs as I sit down on the chair next to Caramel.  "Are you moving your furniture around at home as much as you are in your office at the moment?  Only every time I have come in here over the past few weeks, you have moved everything around."  I hear Caramel chuckle quietly
     "Yeah I am."  I mumble
     "Your OCD has flared up again hasn't it."  he raises his eyebrows at me
     "Just a bit."

the earth is loose under my shoes
     "So this quick word, does it need to be done in private?"  he frowns at me
      "No, here is fine if Caramel doesn't mind."  she shakes her head   "I am just wandered if I could delay coming back to work and take some leave, now the trial is getting close, my head is going again."  he pulls a face at me  "I only want to take three weeks at the most and Granite said he is happy to cover for me while I'm away."
     "I am really surprised that he would want to be working and that he doesn't want to make the most of all the time he does have left with Mace."  Mango frowns at me
     "They have six weeks, so the three that I'm away Mace will get to spend some quality time with Jasmine and Clay alone while Granite is working, because Coal is coming to collect Jasmine in three weeks to take her out to Orange Falls so that she is not around any of the rigmarole surrounding the trial.  Granite and Mace will have the last three weeks all to themselves then, because Bay and Slate are on permanent Clay sitting duty till after the trial.  You might actually get to see quite a lot of Clay yourself, because Tapestry has said he'll help them out with the baby sitting."  Mango chuckles quietly and I see Caramel giving me quite a disturbed look, I presume because I've mentioned Coal.
      "Yeah I guess it is sensible to not have Jasmine around while the trial is going on, luckily Clay is not old enough to understand what is going on."  Mango mumbles.
     "Exactly, and while I stew on things and can't concentrate, Granite is much better focusing on something else and keeping himself busy, work will help him to take his mind off worrying about Mace and the trial.  Mace is doing enough worrying for the both of them and none of us are looking forward to seeing Gravel again, and I have a few things playing on my mind."
    "Yeah Granite did mention something earlier when I spoke to him about Amber.  He said you are all getting very tetchy because of the looming trial, you especially, but he wouldn't tell me what is troubling you."  he raises his eye brows at me and I just laugh at him.  "I don't see you having the next three weeks off being a problem.  I know Granite is getting stir crazy not working, and he is mentally stronger than you, he doesn't bring his personal problems to work unlike you!"  he laughs at me  "I have worried about your head going again when the trail starts, so I have half expecting this, especially when I spotted the increase in your compulsive behaviour."  he smiles at me  "We may as well make the most of Granite while he is still here, before Cherry Hill steal him away from us again."

There's an angel,  and he is shaped like you, and I thought I knew him

Mango smiles at me awkwardly before he glances quickly at Caramel.  He probably thinks he has to be careful with what he is saying, and no doubt if she wasn't here we would be having a totally different conversation.   He doesn't realise there is nothing that he can say that she doesn't already know, in fact, she knows a hell of lot more than he does especially what is troubling me most about Gravel and the trial.  The gun Gravel has been holding to my head all this time, to keep me quiet, mine and Caramel's secrets that he has been keeping, which I am terrified of him spitefully blurting out in the court room.

      "So where are you off to  ... Sandy Shores I'm guessing."
      "No not this time.  I'm going to Raspberry, so I will be back for Sunny's funeral."  he smiles at me  "Meadow wants me to help her sort through all Dad's stuff, she's been nagging me since Dad faded, and I could really do with the time out.  I need to sort my head out, so I can sort the rest of my life out."
     "Yes you do!"  he smiles at me  "The break at Meadow's is probably just what you need, she has a better chance of talking sense into you than we do!!  It's time you finally let it go and came out of that closet!!"  he frowns at me through squinted eyes  "Are you going alone?"
I laugh at him knowing exactly what he might be thinking, that I'm taking my mystery woman with me. The mystery woman that he has been breaking his neck to uncover, if only he knew she is sat right in front of him at this precise moment!!

     "Yes, it is just lonely old me, as usual."  I smile at him  "I feel guilty for having to take time out again, when it is you who really needs a holiday more than me!!  So have you not managed to persuade Lilly to go out to Sandy Shores yet?"
     "No!!  We have tried!!  Tapestry even bought us plane tickets for our anniversary, thinking it would persuade her, but she just won't budge.  You know how Lilly has always stressed out over going back out into the coded world, of late things she has heard have made it worse.  Tapestry returning home with Snow after he was just abandoned and Crystals stories of how she was treated out in the coded world, have really not helped with the situation."  he rolls his eyes   "She just constantly blacks out now at the slightest mention of it, so I am not even going to push her any more."  he laughs  "Tapestry has said the next time he goes out to Berry Shores he's taking me with him, he recons he's going to sit me on the sand and teach me how to build sandcastle, sunbath and relax!  Who would have thought it, my little broken boy is having to teach me how to live!!"  we both start laughing

I glance at Caramel who is really troubling me, sat there quietly just staring down at her hands.  I can't concentrate because I can see that she is upset over something, I can see she is sat twiddling her thumbs together in circles, which she always does when she is stressed out, she glances at me, giving me a strange look.

there's a window, and it's dark inside but the light was in there

     "Actually I'm glad I've seen you Caramel, your house was actually my next stop, I need to take myself off the rota for the next three weeks, I'm sorry."  I smile at her  "Atlas is happy to cover my shifts, so you don't have to stress over replacing me."
      "It's fine."  she mumbles as she looks at me unhappily.  "Thanks."
      "Are you okay?  You look upset."  I ask her because I can't stand it any longer.
      "It's Alpine ..." she blurts out quickly then hesitates, I watch her run her hand over quite a nasty bruise on her arm, which makes me grab her arm without thinking.
      "Did he do that?"  I ask as I hold her arm up to look at it.  she just nods sheepishly.
      "I was just asking Mango if there is anything else that can be done with his head, this whole situation is really getting me down.  He seems to be getting worse, especially his temper.  I'm tired and run down and I don't know how much more I can take ..."  she starts to crack up.  "I don't know how I would cope if it wasn't for people like you, helping me out and doing a shift, but it's been so much harder since all the kids moved out.  Don't get me wrong, they still help out, but it's not the same not having them there, they have their own lives to live and its not fair to keep burdening them with my problems ... it is going to get worse when Bay takes off to Cherry Hill with Slate and I miss Cinnamon."  she starts to crack up again.

I glance at Mango, who pulls a sympathetic face at me.  I sit in the chair next to her, feeling a little like a spare part, wishing I could put my arms around her, but in front of Mango, I dare not.  He is watching me like a hawk at the moment around any woman, and the last thing I need is him getting suspicious of me and Caramel.

I'm annoyed suddenly that she hasn't spoken to me about this!!  We were speaking on the phone last night and this morning for hours and she never said a word, or indicated that there was anything wrong.

      "I have just been telling Caramel, Alpines condition unfortunately is only going to get worse with age, and that she needs to start thinking about herself a lot more.   Like we have both been telling her for years, it is seriously about time she started to think about looking into respite care for Alpine once in a while, so that she can take a break.  Being her doctor, you know, she is already living on anti depressants, she hasn't taken a break for over twenty years and the way she is going she is going to be burning herself out."

this can't be love if it hurts so much

      "How can I ... I can't!!"  she carries on crying  "It doesn't feel right dumping him in a home, people will think I'm abandoning him, he doesn't have anyone other than me and the kids!!"
      "Caramel nobody will think that!!  There is no shame in admitting that you can't cope and need a little help!!  Most would not have stuck it out as long as you have!!"  I have to bite my tongue and smile, when all I really want to do is shout at her.  "It is not like you are leaving him there forever, a few weeks here and there, so you can take a break is understandable!!  I seriously don't know how you cope with it full time, and you know Mango is right ... respite care is a godsend to people in your situation and there for you to use!!   Alpine can be very hard work some days, and you deserve a break, and it's not just you, everyone who does a shift and helps you to look after him, could probably use a break to, sometimes, especially the kids.  I'm covered in bruises from my last shift, so I know what he puts you through!!"  I smile at her sarcastically  "Putting him in respite care, won't look bad on you, that is what it is there for ... to give carers a break and you definitely deserve one!!  Seriously, does it matter what anyone else thinks anyway, they are not the one having to cope with it 24/7!!  If you don't start thinking about yourself, you are going to make yourself ill otherwise, then what use are you going to be to Alpine and the kids?"
      "That is exactly what I have been telling her."  Mango mumbles  "You know Caramel, I have all this to come in the future with Lilly, and she isn't half as bad as Alpine!!  My kids are not going to be at home forever, so eventually I will need exactly the same help.  I know exactly how you are feeling, having to worry about him 24/7 and not being about to take your eye off him for a minute, and when you do get a break away you are worrying constantly, it is not just your physical health, it's your mental health too.  I know exactly how it can drag you down sometimes, but you seriously can not carry on coping with the responsibility of this on your own, day in and day out!!  You need time out to recharge your batteries."

I need to let go

      "You should listen to your own advice Mango.  Forrest said you need a break, aren't you in exactly the same boat as me?"  Caramel mumbles quietly
      "Forrest is talking about me taking a break from work and all the extended family drama that I have to constantly deal with."  he laughs quietly  "My situation at home is far from different to yours, I still have parents and children at home who are taking a lot of the burden off my shoulders and Lilly in comparison to Alpine, is no where near as bad!!  All we have to worry about is her switching off and hurting herself, or anyone else, like the time she set the kitchen on fire blacking out when she was cooking."  he smiles at Caramel  "With Alpine, it's totally different.  He is unpredictable, unstable and very hard work at times, and I've noticed how frustrated and violent he is getting, I think Cinnamon and Sunny fading has not helped, when he actually remembers that they are no longer with us.   Half the time he doesn't even know who you and the kids are or anyone else, like the other day he didn't recognise me, he thought I was a burgler and he went for me, thankfully Prelude was with me to hold him down, so I don't know how you cope with it 24/7!!  We are all walking around with bruises now, Prelude has got a right shiner at the moment.  Its not just your health I am worried about, it is also your safety."  Mango hesitates for a moment  "You know I have always warned you there will come a day when his condition becomes so chronic that he will have to be placed in a hospice permanently.  I know you don't want to hear this, but unfortunately I think that time is fast approaching!!"
      "Caramel, you seriously need to listen to Mango because you can't go on like this!!"

I interrupt when she starts to protest and get really upset.  I'm getting angry, I have had this conversation with her a million times, and I am sick of repeating myself, especially now I'm having to do it in front of Mango and appear uninvolved with this whole situation.

      "Mango is not saying you should put him into permanent hospice care right now!!  Full time hospice care could be a while away yet, but in the mean time, you really need to do the right thing by yourself and use Respite Care."

I will survive and be the one who's stronger

      "There is another option, like I've already mentioned to you recently, that you should let go of some of the burden and think about getting some live in help, now the kids have left home, so you don't have to do it alone!!"  she just stares at me through squinted eyes, knowing I am now sailing a little too close to the truth with what I'm saying.  "There is a really good respite home in Raspberry Hill, that I can recommend.  It is the one that my sister used to send our Dad to when she needed a break."  I laugh  "He actually used to enjoy his stays there, he used to tell us it was better than being at home."  I smile at her  "I can help you sort it all out  if you like, I know the staff there very well.  I could take you out there so that you can have a look around, it might help you feel a little better about taking advantage of respite care if you see the place."
      "What about the colour mixing?"  she is taking the pee now, she know's exactly how I'm going to answer this question, so why has she even bothered to ask it.
      "Like I've told you before, it's not a problem.  Alpine himself is a pure berry, so they will take him without a problem.  The only thing I know you won't like is that Bay, Fudge and Mint won't be able to visit him while he's there, but it will only be for a few weeks at a time.  They will turn a blind eye to you dropping him off and picking him up, but I'm all green, if you don't feel comfortable, I could always do it for or with you.  I am one of his doctors after all."  she smiles at me defeatidly, finally I think she might be listening!!.
      "I am really starting to worry about you Caramel ... you seriously need to take all the official help that is available to you - you deserve a life just like everyone else ..."  Mango mumbles
      "YES you do!!"  I snap without thinking  "I doubt very much that Alpine, when he is in his right mind, enjoys seeing what you are putting yourself through, when you can make life so much easier for yourself by just accepting a little bit of help!!"
      "Forrest is right, Alpine wouldn't want you suffering like this!!"  Mango mumbles  "Forrest has offered to help you sort it all out, which will take some of the burden off your shoulders ... so I suggest you take him up on his offer then you need to get yourself off for a few weeks, somewhere nice and sunny where you can take a well earned vacation and rest!!"
      "Like I can afford to do that."  she mumbles as she starts crying again.
      "Listen, you know I have a beach house in Sandy Shores, which is sat empty most of the time.  So any time you need to use it ... you are welcome to it ... all it will cost you is your flights ... and you can get some really cheap deals, especially at this time of year!!"

I will not beg you to stay

The door knocks and Mango gets called away to a problem with a patient.  As soon as Mango closes the door behind him, she dives up off her chair and starts repeatedly slapping me.

      "Don't think I didn't catch the digs you made at me!!"  she slaps me again pretty hard
      "I'm glad you caught them!!  I've been telling you all of this until I am blue in the face for berry knows how many years, but you don't even listen until Mango says it to you, do you!!"  I snap sarcastically "Anyone would think you have a thing for him ... if he told you to jump off a bridge you'd do it ... while you ignore everything I say!!"
       "Grew up Forrest, you idiot!!"  she snaps  "It's nice of you to just spring your time out on me like that!!  Why didn't you tell me you are going away AGAIN!!"  she snaps  "What do you mean by sorting the rest of your life out ... what's with you wanting your passport, are you planning to leave permanently?  You are doing another runner I suppose, after all that is your speciality!!"
      "No!!  You know how neurotic I get when I lose things or something isn't in its right pace, my passport wasn't were it should have been that's all!!"  she laughs at me  "My life is just getting me down, as you know, both you and Granite are driving me cuckoo, hense why my OCD has flared up, and I'm worrying about Gravel exposing us and our secret at the trial!!  You won't budge about coming clean, even though you know we have no choice to, so I just need to clear my head before I go insane!!"  I smile at her.
       "Please tell me you are not throwing another one of your wobbles!!"  she just frowns at me
       "No.  This morning, after I spoke to you, I had another ear hole full off her, so I decided to go to Meadows just to shut her up and get her off my back because I am sick of her nagging me about sorting out Dads stuff.  She is still driving herself crazy trying to find where Dad has hidden the money that he left all his Grandchildren in his will.  Plus you know how our situation has been getting me down lately, I just need time out to clear my head a little, before I do go and do something stupid!!"

I will move on and you should know I mean it

      "So you was just going to take off without telling me!"  she snaps
      "Seriously, you know me better than that, even when I did do my runners I always told you first!!  I was genuinely on my way round to see you after I'd spoken to Mango, when I knew I could definitely have the time off, and I'll only be in Raspberry, it's not like I wasn't going to sneak back to see you like I normally do!!  I'm actually planning to use my time off to try and talk some damn sense into you before it is too late!!" she just laughs at me for a moment
      "And Coal, when was you going to tell me he was landing?"
      "I was going to tell you today when I came round."  I frown at her  "Babe, why didn't you tell me you was struggling again?  You could have told me all this last night or this morning, but as usual, I am the very last to know!!"  I frown at her as I take hold her chin and inspect her face  "You are looking tired and peaky."
       "I don't want to trouble you, it's not your problem to worry about is it."
       "Of course it is my problem, if it is making you unhappy!!  The last thing I want is you making yourself ill!!"  I frown at her  "Especially when I can do something about it, but you are just too stubborn to let me."
       "Isn't it bad enough what I'm asking you to do now, I feel guilty enough ..."
       "I know you do even though I have told you not to, I choose to stay, even though you are being down right ridiculous right now ... still you should have spoken to me.  But if you stopped being so damn stupid, then there wouldn't be a problem and you would have nothing to feel guilty about would you!!"  I raise my eyebrows at her
       "Ha! ha! Nice try Babe!!"  she laughs at me sarcastically 

I glance at the door to make sure there is no sign of Mango 

      "Look ... this is actually perfect, I'm coming with you on vacation!!"  I smirk at her  "We have the chance here to go to Sandy Shores together, like we've always wanted to, without anyone getting suspicious!!  I don't know why I didn't think of this before!!"  I smirk at her while she frowns at me. 

Wild horses run in me
        "I'll get Alpines respite care sorted out, then I'll take off to my Sisters, a week should give us plenty of time to sort out Dad's stuff.  I'll book us flights to Sandy Shores to correspond with his respite, and I'll meet you at the airport.  Nobody will think anything of it, they will never suspect we are together!!  I'll be in Raspberry as far as they are concerned, while you are out in Sandy."
      "It's too risky, what if Granite and Meadow speak to each other and she says you are not there, it won't take him long to realise you are with me, and you know how she'd love to blow us out into the open and stick the knife in my back!!"
      "You don't worry about her, she knows I'll never speak to her again if she does open her big mouth and hurt the kids  - I'll tell Meadow I've booked a holiday somewhere else - she'll never know and it's none of Granites business any more where I am or what I'm doing.  He will just be glad I am out of his hair for a few weeks so he can make the most of the time he has left with his drama queen.  I doubt he'll even worry about where I am!!" I smirk at her  "So we are doing it then?!"
      "Oh I don't know - it just feels all wrong, especially so close to Sunny's funeral!!"  she mumbles
      "Babe PLEASE!!  The break away will help you to relax after the funeral!  You won't have to worry about Alpine, he will be well taken care of at the hospice, you seriously do need a break and WE NEED THIS!!  How much longer are you going to make me wait?!"  I pull a face as I drop down onto my knees  "I'll beg like a dog if I have to!!"
      "Get up you idiot!!  You are going to irritate me now, constantly knocking dirt off your trouser legs that isn't even there!!"  she starts laughing as she pulls me up, watching me doing exactly that, bushing my knees with my hands.  "You are barking mad sometimes!!"  
      "Ha! ha!  Isn't that why you love me?!"  I smirk at her  "Pretty please!!"
      "Oh Okay!!"  she smiles at me
      "You are seriously saying Yes?!"
      "There is no backing out ... now you have said it, we are doing this!?"
      "Okay,  but I'm warning you Forrest, nobody had better find out about this, I really could do without the headache of any more drama right now, we've had enough lately don't you think, and we are going to be getting it from all roads if everything comes out - especially if Coal is landing in town!!"

Our human hearts forget how strong they are

      "Seriously don't worry over Coal and stop stressing, nobody is going to find out!!"  I smile at her  "How many years later and they still don't have a damn clue do they!!"
      "Mace, Granite and Tapestry know all our dirty secrets remember!"  she smiles at me sarcastically
      "You don't even need to worry about them.  Even if they work out we are together in Sandy Shore, they won't say anything, they don't want Bay, Fudge and Mint upsetting any more than we do.  I trust Tap not to say anything, he does seriously keep secrets, and as for Granite and Mace, I've bought their silence haven't I!!"  I smile at her  "They are getting what they want, each other and me out of their life ... see what I've had to give up for you ... so the least you can do is give me two weeks of just you all to myself, I'll even take you bikini shopping!!"
      "I said okay, didn't I!!"  she laughs at me.

She grabs me, pulling me towards her and start kissing me.  I have to stop her.

     "Not here, remember the glass in the door and Mango could walk back in any minute!!  He is already watching me like a hawk as it is!!"  I smile at her
     "It's not like we've never done it here before!"  she laughs at me
     "Not when Mango is camped in my office, or right in front of the door we haven't!!"  I laugh at her  "You kill me!!!  A minute ago you was stressing about us getting caught!!"
     "Come home with me then, if you've got the day off, you have got plenty of time to pay me some attention."  she smirks at me. 
     "Okay, I guess I can do that, seeing as I've got nothing better to do."  she slaps me  "I'll make a start on sorting out this respite care, the quicker its done, the quicker we can escape."

and they just get lost along the way

The door opens quite abruptly and Mango comes through it, looking moody.  We have still got our arms around each other and have to jump apart quickly, and for a minute I think he has seen us, but he's too busy looking at patient notes, he wasn't actually looking at us.

In some silly kind of way I wish he had caught us, it might force her to come clean, I think if Mango knew and understood this situation, he might even try and help me to talk some sense into her.  Granite and Mace have both tried, but she doesn't listen to them, like she doesn't listen to me, but Mango she probably would listen to.

     "I seriously don't understand why I put up with this bunch of idiots!!"  he snaps  "Is it so hard for them to think for themselves once in a while?"
     "Trouble?"  I mumble
     "Yeah, you might guess, Dr North needing a second, third and fourth opinion as usual, he needs me to make a simple decision for him that even Tapestry could make!!"  he laughs  "So where were we?"  he frowns at me.
     "You was just about to do a referral for Alpines respite care."  I smirk at him
     "You could do that yourself Dr Rock!"  he laughs at me
     "While you are doing that, I'll phone the hospice and get that sorted out, we need to move quickly before Caramel changes her mind!"  he laughs at me
     "Sorry Dr Rock, you will have to write your own referral, I'm due in theatre in five minutes."  he smirks at me as he glances at his watch.

I laugh at him as I sit down at the computer and bring up Alpines medical records.

     "Right Caramel, I'm sorry, I'll have to leave you in Forrest's capable hands, I'm sure he will have you sorted out in no time."  I hear him say to Caramel and I can't help but smirk behind the screen.

It's not giving up, it's letting go .... and moving to a better place.

I smirk at Caramel after Mango has left the office, I know exactly what is coming.

      "You heard Mango, he's left me in your capable hands so you can sort me out!!"  she starts laughing "So lover, what are you still doing sat behind the computer."
      "He didn't mean sort you out in that way!"  I laugh at her  "You and your dirty mind can wait until I get you home!"
      "Well hurry up then, you are wasting time!!"

I just laugh at her as I carry on typing.


Song = Wild Horses - Birdy

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