Sunday, 28 April 2013

Side - Prelude 5

~ Lullaby ~


I dialed the number nervously, my finger hovering over the last number wandering if I should even be doing this, I've already upset him enough - but I have to give it just one last try now that he has had time to get over the shock, I'll never forgive myself if I don't.  I pressed my finger down on the last number.

I am stood for ages just listening, the phone is ringing without being answered, he's ignoring my call again - I thought he might.   I knew it would be useless he's already told me exactly how he feels.  I'm just about to give up when I hear a click  "Hello."

"Mango please don't put the phone down!!"

"Prelude - please I don't want to have this conversation again - I've told you already how I feel and I really didn't appreciate you sending Maizie to see me either to do your dirty work for you, what did you think she could do - talk me around?!  Well I'm sorry I haven't changed my mind.!!"

"Maizie, I didn't send her - honestly!!"

"Prelude I can't believe you have done this to us!!  Like I don't already have enough problems of my own right now without you adding two more to them!!!"

"What's wrong - Lilly is okay isn't she?"

"Lilly hasn't changed any she's still the same - its Tapestry, I've got all sorts of stuff going on with him, hes still in the baby unit undergoing yet another round of tests because he's not right.  We already have three babies constantly screaming the house down and when Tapestry does come home he is going to be hard work - now you want to add another two to our headache!!!! but not just any babies HER DAMN babies!!!"

"But they are my babies too - PLEASE Mango, I'll beg if I have to, if you don't take them I'm going to lose them!!!"

"Well you should have thought about that before you got Lime pregnant then got yourself banged up - what if Lilly was to wake up right now - how do you think this is going to effect her seeing HER green babies in the house!!??  I have to think about Lilly"

"One green baby the other one is purple -  and I'm sorry but you know damn well I didn't do any of this on purpose - I didn't mean to hurt everyone!!!! "

"You keep saying that but you have done it non the less!!"

"Mango I'm sorry!!!"  he went quiet and didn't speak "Please Mango, 3 months and I'll be out of here - I don't want to lose my babies - you know how that feels .............."

"DON'T EVEN GO THERE!!!!!  No Prelude - I'm sorry I just can't do it - even if I wanted to - I've got enough problems of my own without bailing you out of your messes AGAIN!!"

"How is Affair?"  I asked him as he hadn't mentioned him yet.  I'm changing the subject away from the babies because I can tell his attitude towards them hasn't changed an inch since the last time I spoke to him - I guessed this would just be a waste of time, me even trying.

"He's fine, he's here if you want to talk to him, hold on."  I heard a door open and Mango shouted Affair then I heard him say "Come down here, its your Dad on the phone". Then it sounded like he put the phone down on a hard surface and walked away like he couldn't wait to get away from the conversation.

I stood listening to the activity going on in the background - a baby is crying, Mulberry is shouting Ice to bring him a bottle, another baby joins in with the crying then it sounded like the doorbell ringing and Mango's Mom said "Get that for me dear I'm feeding Coral."   It went pretty quiet for a short time then I heard Mango shout  "Hurry up Affair your Dads still on the phone and Cherry is here."  a baby starts crying and Mango shouts "I've got him" - It sounds like bedlam but I'd give anything to be there right now.

"Hello, what do you want?"  Affair snapped at me,  I told him not to talk to me like that  "Sorry Dad but I'm busy right now."

"Doing what? - You haven't been to see me for two weeks either - would it hurt you to talk to me for 5 minutes??!!"

"Yes when I'm just about to go out and Cherry is waiting for me - I'll come to see you at the weekend I promise"  I asked him who Cherry is   "You know who Cherry is and before you ask yes she is my girlfriend"

"Sunny's Cherry?"  I asked and he said yes  "Isn't she a little young for you?"

"She's two years younger than me, we are both teenagers - 2 years is not a crime you know!!  Sunny and Ruby are happy with us being together, they are not complaining about our age difference."

"Well you just be careful ............."  he cut me short

"STOP!!  If you are about to say what I think you are going to say - Don't bother!!! - You are the last person I want to take advice from regarding my sex life!!!  Mulberry told me about my two new "brothers" - you're an idiot!!!!"

"That's enough cheek from you Affair!!!  Come to see me at the weekend Please!!  I miss you!!!!"  He said he would then said he had to go Cherry is getting impatient, he said goodbye then put the phone down.  Affair has a girlfriend!!!!  When did he suddenly grow up??

I went back to my cell feeling lost.  I knew it would be useless - Mango really has washed his hands of me and I suppose I can't blame him with all the extra stress I've caused him.  I'm going to lose my babies and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

I felt like smashing up my cell, what little there is of it, but I thought better of it, it would only be me sleeping on the cold floor tonight nobody else.  I was quick to learn that lesson the first day after I arrived here.

My door opened and I looked up, one of the prison guards walked in "Are you okay down there?"  he asked, I just nodded and put my head back down.  I actually liked this prison guard he is always okay.  "Purple you've got mail"  he said making me look up again, he's waving an envelope at me and he's smiling  "It's come all the way from the women's wing - you've been waiting for this one haven't you!!"

"Didn't I tell you if I got mail from her you were to bin it - I don't want it!!"

He didn't listen he threw it on my table.  "I'll leave it here for you - you might feel like reading it later."  I told him not to bank on it.  He went to leave then stopped  "Something that might cheer you up a little - that social worker friend of yours has booked in a visit, we are to get you ready for 1 o'clock tomorrow."

"Cheer me up!! - yeah it'll be signing a load more papers no doubt - signing my babies lives away - the highlight of my week that's going to be!!"  I said to him sarcastically.

"Well, she's not coming alone apparently, she's bringing two little fellas with her so I'm told."  This made me look up

"The twins?"  I jumped up off the floor and asked half surprised and half with excitement.

"Yes she's bringing the twins."  he smiled at me and I don't realise I'm smiling until he tells me  "See that's got a smile out of you already!!"  he walked out and pulled the door too behind him.  I'm happy that I am actually getting to see them but I know what tomorrow means - tomorrow will be when Maizie takes them from Manderine and they disappear into the social care system

My mind kept wandering towards the letter and so do my eyes, I can already feel it burning into me.  I got up and looked at it, my name and prison number scrawled across the envelope in Manderines hand writing which I recognized straight away from when we used to work together.  I picked it up and turned it over, her prison number and name written on the back.

I threw it back on the table and just sat there staring at it,  wanting and not wanting to open it at the same time - opening it is just going to send me again onto that slippery slope back towards her, I've spent the last six months trying to get off it without any success.

Why am I still trying to fight with myself?? - What does it really matter any more??  We have two boys now that are never going to let me get away from how I feel about her.

I tore open the envelope and started to read the letter.


I'm sat impatiently waiting for Maizie to walk in with the twins.  I looked at the clock on the wall it says five past one, I've been sat here for only five minutes but it already feels like hours.

At quarter past the door finally opened up and in she walks with a female prison officer both of them carrying a baby.

"Prelude I'm sorry!!  I know I'm late, we had a little trouble with Manderine."  Maizie said as she came in, she looked a little flustered.

"Is she okay?"  I had to ask as I can imagine she has kicked off when they have gone to remove the twins, not sure that I will be able to stop myself from doing exactly the same thing when my time is over with them.

"Not really, but it's to be expected, its not the first time it's happened when I've had to sepearate Mothers and babies and no doubt it won't be the last, it's always the part about my job that I hate the most - I feel for them I really do!!"  she smiled at me  "Quite fiesty isn't she Manderine"  she said just as I noticed the red mark across the one side of Maizies face.

"She's hit you - I'm sorry!!"  she ran her hand over the mark  "It's fine, like I said it's not the first time - I just hope you are not going to give me the same trouble!!" 

I didn't remark on her last comment as I got distracted by the prison officer who handed me the baby she is holding, then she turned to Maizie and told her someone would be out in the corridor in an hour to escort her out.

One hour is all I am going to get with my babies before they take them away and I lose them.

I looked down at the green baby that I'm holding who is staring back at me with my eyes.  So this is Parsley, he is the one that I've wandered most about since I found out about them.  The one that I feel is going to be getting the hardest time from my own family - that's if he even gets to be a part of it.  The one I most need to get my own head around - the whole mixing thing is still a struggle in my mind, I've grown up being taught - it's a crime, a sin and it doesn't happen. Since I've found out that it does actually happen and there is a town like this one, full of mixed berries, my Dad has drummed it into my head so much that me and Mulberry are definately not to do it - and here we are - we both have, Lilly too - he would be drinking himself into oblivion if he knew right now he has six mixed berry grandchildren already!!!

"There are just a few more papers you need to sign."  Maizie said with a troubled look on her face as she handed me a bottle for Parsley then glanced at the clock  "but it will only take a minute so they can wait till just before I leave."

"Is something wrong?"  I asked her because she is looking a little agitated and keeps glancing over towards the door like she is waiting for someone to come through it ............. and I think I might know who.  She shook her head and said nothing is wrong, but I know there is.  "You know you're not a very good liar Maizie!!!"  she just looked up and smiled.  "You went to see Mango didn't you, I spoke to him yesterday - did you tell him to be here today?  because If it's Mango you're watching out for, he's not coming you know - I told you he wouldn't do it!!"

"He's changed so much - he's not the Mango I used to know!!!  I really expected him to be sat here with you when I arrive .............. I'm sorry I did try for you!!!"  she said looking towards the door again.

"I know, don't worry about it, Its my own fault, I have put him through hell on top of what he is already having to deal with - Lilly and the triplets - It's my own fault he's washed his hand of me.  Forget it now - you need to start thinking about how you are going to get them back for me when I get out of here!!"

"Don't worry I'm already working on it!!"  she said. "Do you want to swap over?"  she said as she can probably see I'm watching Storm.  We swapped the babies over and started chatting for a while as we both played with the babies.

I looked at the clock, the time is racing away - I wished I could stop it somehow.  I looked down at Storm who is now sleeping and I can feel myself getting upset.  Oh Berry - help me - what have I done!!!  For the next three months where are they going to be?  Who is going to be looking after them?  Then after that how long is it going to take me to get them back?   I can feel myself going.

"They will be kept together won't they!!"  I would hate for them to be split up.  I can hardly talk and I can't hold it in any longer, the tears start rolling down my face.

"Don't worry Prelude they will be kept together"  I can hear her messing about with papers, she said quietly  "I'm sorry, its time we got these papers signed"

I heard the door open and I didn't want to look up, I'm crying if anyone notices I'm never going live this down, it's going to be the prison guard coming to help take my babies away.

My heart nearly fell through the floor when I heard Mango's voice.

"Sorry Maizie, I got held up in surgery, I didn't think I was going to make it on time, and your phone is switched off!!"  I looked up trying to wipe the tears out of my eyes that are blurring my vision and Mango is just standing there in the doorway staring at me.

"I knew you'd come!!"  Maizie said smiling  "I knew the old you was still in there somewhere!!"

"I seriously need my head testing, I know that much!!"  he looked at me  "And don't even think we've let you off the hook because we haven't - far from it - it's going to be a very long time before we forgive you for this!!!  Don't think I'm doing this for you or her either because I'm not, I am doing it for them, I've started to feel sorry for them having you two for parents!!!!"  he stopped for a minute and I thought he had finished but he hadn't   "I'm warning you too - The minute you're released you are moving back to your own house, I don't want Lilly getting upset by all this when and if she wakes up until she is properly back on her feet!!!  This is the last time I'm bailing you out Prelude and I mean it - you mess up from here and I swear you are on your own!!!!"

"Anything you say!!!!  Thank you!!!!"  I'm standing here in shock just staring at him, not quite knowing what to do or say, I'm not sure he even realizes what he's done coming to take the babies for me - I had visions of me pushing the self destruct button the minute those babies left from here today with Maizie.

Maizie is now rooting around in her bag awkwardly because she is holding Parsley.  She looked up at Mango  "Can you take him for me I need to dig the other paperwork out."

He took Parsley and started to look at him  "So which one is this one?"  he asked  I told him it was the green one, expecting his expression to change but it didn't  "I'm already getting the three we have at home muddled up - they all look the same to me at this age, we are thinking about getting them all name badges."  he started to laugh to himself

Maizie suddenly stopped what she was doing and looked up  "Mango, you are going to cope with this aren't you!!"

"It's a bit late to be asking me that don't you think!!!  Anyway there are 8 of us at the moment and Cherry is always camped out at ours these days, there are enough of us to cope, we'll be just fine!!"

I'm confused for a minute wandering who the two extra's are "Eight who are the extra two??"

"School holidays, I've inherited Wisty and her boyfriend for 6 weeks - I need a bigger house!!!"  He turned to me  "I'm paying your bills so you don't lose your house and Mulberry and Ice are talking about moving into yours till you get out - they could do with their own space, they are getting married in a few weeks, something else you are about to miss out on!!!!"

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to dump all my kids on you!!"  he just smiled at me  "Mango ..... I ......"

"Save it Prelude - I know!!!!"  He looked down at Parsley again  "I need to know their names."  when I told him he just laughed and said they had bets on the green one being named after something green and edible.  I am pretty surprised at how he is taking all this.

Just then the door opened "Are you nearly finished only your visits running overtime and there are other visitors and prisoners waiting to use this room."  he stood there then added  "Miss Lane, Freeze is still kicking off over on the other wing apparently, they've sent word over that she's demanding to see you already, I thought I'd let you know before you left!!"  Me and Mango just looked at each other without saying a word.

"Five more minute - just sorting out the last of the paper work."  Maizie said to him, he left again and smiled at me as he closed the door.  "I suppose I should maybe come back later  - give her the good news hopefully it might help calm her down a little."

"Is that what's happened to your face??"  Mango asked looking a little amused  "Lime seems to be making a habit of giving you black eyes - And I'm not sure telling Lime that I've got the twins will calm her down any - it will probably send her off on one even more!!"

After me and Mango signed what we had to Maizie finished tidying away the last of the paperwork  "Sorry Prelude its time for us to be leaving, I need to take Storm now."  I can see them both quickly look at each other then they stand looking at me warily - I held him out to her and she took him off me.  I really didn't mind handing him over knowing that they are going home with Mango, I'm not going to lose them and its only 3 months till I get out of here.

"I'm fine, I'm not going to kick off or anything so you can both stop looking at me like that!!"  neither of them said anything  "If they weren't going home with Mango then it probably would have been a totally different story - but I'm fine honestly - I want to get out of here in three months."

I find myself alone suddenly after watching them walk out, sat waiting again for a prison guard to take me back to my cell.  I'm still finding it hard to believe that Mango turned up to take them after everything he has said - I wander what changed his mind??

The prison guard turned up quite quickly "Come on purple, you've held everyone up long enough for one day!!"  I got up and started to follow him  "I'm really glad you have behaved yourself today, unlike her over on the other side, she's still kicking off big time apparently!!."

"Can I see her??  I can calm her down."

"I'm sorry Purple, you know that's not remotely possible, I'm surprised you even asked!!"  he looked at me thoughtfully  "I'll tell you what, write her a letter and I'll make sure I get it delivered to her straight away."  I thought about the cupboard in the corner of my cell.

When I walked into my cell I said to him "Can I show you something"  I walked over to the cupboard and opened it, he looked into the cupboard then looked at me.  "Blimey purple what have you done written a letter to everyone in this town???  Just how many letters do you have in there??"

"187 - I've written her a letter every day since I've been in here, although I never really meant for her to ever see them - they are all dated and numbered."  he started laughing  "Can you deliver these to her too??"  he carried on laughing for ages and I expected him to say no  "I'll probably get into a lot of trouble for this, but okay, I'll go and get you a box."  he walked out of my cell still laughing.

 I sat down at the table, picked up my pen and started writing letter number 188.

I'm lay on my bed later that day the prison guard walked into my cell and placed a box on the table, I though he was bringing my letters back.  "Sorry did you get into trouble?"  I said as I sat up

"No Purple, I've delivered your letters for you, it seems she's written you a few but she had no forwarding address to send them too."  He started laughing, just then a phone started ringing, it's the guards phone - he quickly took it out of his pocket and answered itHe held the phone out to me.  "You've got an hour Purple then I'll be back for my phone - I'm waring you - don't mess about because it won't be just you and me you'll be getting into trouble!!!  he said, as he got to the door he stopped and looked at me a little troubled  "Don't let me down Purple, I've just put my neck on the line for you!!"  he said before he slipped out of my cell pulling the door too quietly. 

I'm staring at the phone in my hand, confused, my brains not quite quick enough to realize what is going on.  "Hello"  I said into the phone.

"Prelude ..... is that really you?"  hearing her speaking on the other end of the phone is the last thing that I expected.  "Manderine ....??!!"  I dived off the bed in shock - just hearing her voice brought everything slamming back.

"You're a FUDGING IDIOT do you know that!!!!!   They've taken my babies away because you were stupid enough to go and get yourself locked up!!!"  she starts screaming at me down the phone

"SHUT UP BITCH - they haven't taken them away, Mango is looking after them until I get out, has Maizie not been back to see you??!!."

"WHAT!!!???  THE NERD!!??  The Nerd has got MY babies???!!!"

"OUR babies ........... he is their Uncle or had you forgotten?!  You should be grateful, it's far more than we both deserve after everything Mango is going through because of you and everything I've put him through!!!   We both would have lost them if he wasn't look after them -  so stop worrying!!!! - now are you going to stop screaming at me or am I putting the phone down, you're already giving me a headache!!!"

 She quietened down and we started to chat normally.

The hour flew by all to quickly

"Prelude they are telling me I have to end the call .... Please come see me when you get out .... I love you."  click the phone cut off and all I can hear is silence.

I stood looking at the phone, shes gone and I have the most awful feeling in my chest and stomach.

"Yeah, I love you too"


Song:  Lullaby ~ Daughtry

Saturday, 20 April 2013

Chapter 32 ~ Gen 1 - Lilly

~ From Where You Are ~


I'm finishing updating some patient notes on the computer when there is a knock at the door.  It irritates me because I'm in a rush to get them completed so that I can go down to the baby unit.  There is a possibility that Tapestry, the last one of the triplets, could get to go home today and I can't wait to get him out of here and back with his brother and sister, who have already been at home for months.

"Come in"  I yelled as I look up over the top of the monitor towards the door.  Maizie is standing in the doorway.  Great!!  I know exactly why she is here again.   Instantly I wished Lilly was here, I needed to know what she would do in this situation - how would she feel about Preludes latest bombshell??  It's how all this is going to effect Lilly, if she wakes up, that is bothering me the most.

"Mango do you have a minute?"  She came in closing the door quietly behind her and made her way over to the chair in front of my desk and sat down.  There is an awkward silence as we just sit there staring at each other, neither of us speaking, I'm searching her face for an expression, but there isn't one that I can read.  She is smiling - Maizie doesn't really do smiling very often.

"Maizie - If you are here because of Prelude and his green brats you can just get up and go - I've told him like I'm telling you - I've washed my hands of him - this was just the last straw!!!!"  I watched her eyes narrow and an all too familiar look washed over her face, one that I've never really liked  "And I don't appreciate you coming here to do his dirty work for him, I've got enough problems of my own without having to clean up his mess!!"

"Boy he is right - you have changed!!  Brats!!?? Only one of them is green by the way one of the twins is completely purple."  The tone of her voice suddenly and just her being here is starting to irritate me, it brings back too many things that I'd rather forget .... knowing she is here trying to plead Preludes case irritates me even more.

"I couldn't give a flying monkeys what damn colour they are, as well you know, I don't see colour, I just know they are HER brats!!!!  And you expect me to look after HER babies while my own might never get to have their Mother because of HER!!!!.  You are off your heads the pair of you even thinking I would do this!!!!"

"I wander what the old Mango would have said?" she said sarcastically

"The old Mango doesn't exist any more - SHE made sure of that!!!"  I banged my hand on the desk  "Maizie you can go tell Prelude he made his bed - he can lie in it!!!"  she sat there just staring at me, showing no intention of going  "Now is that all?  I'm busy!!"

"You know its only Prelude and those babies you are spiting - they are going to be placed in care and because they weren't married and with Preludes record he doesn't have a hope in hells chance of getting them without a fight that might take years if ever he gets them back.  Those babies didn't ask to be born, they didn't chose their parents and at the end of the day they are your nephews whether you like it or not - your kids cousins - Lilly's flesh and blood."  She sat there waiting for a response from me but she didn't get one.  One thing I definitely haven't missed about Maizie is our arguments and I have no intention of having one with her now!!  "You are the only thing standing between them having a life with their family and one of their parents or spending the rest of their lives in care - the old Mango would never have been able to live with himself, he would never have sat by and let those babies go into the system of a lifetime of children's homes and foster care!!  He is only asking you for 3 months not the rest of your life!!!!"

"Have you quite finished??"  I snapped at her  "You know where the door is!!!!  Goodbye Maizie!!!"  She stood up and made her way towards the door.    She stopped, with her hand on the door handle but she didn't turn to look at me.

"I am taking the twins to see Prelude at 1pm on Thursday, that will be the one and only time he gets to see them before I place them into care and he loses them completely.  I'll draw up the papers just in case you gain a conscience between now and then - you know where I'll be - Thursday 1pm."  She slipped out the room without saying another word closing it quietly.  I just sat staring at the door I would have expected her to slam it like she always used to, but she didn't.  I threw a pen at the door.  They have a nerve the pair of them!!!!

Straight away there is another knock at the door - I thought maybe she is coming back for seconds, its not like Maizie to be so calm and composed.  "What Now??!!"  I yelled as the door started to open.

It wasn't Maizie but a nurse,  "I'm Sorry, I thought you was somebody else!!"  I felt stupid now, I'd just bitten that poor nurses head off for no fault of her own,  then I realized, she is one of the nurses who looks after Tapestry.  "Tapestry is okay isn't he?"

"I'm sorry but Dr Swan sent me up to tell you, he won't be discharging Tapestry today, he's not taken his bottles again today and Dr Swan has a few concerns, he wants to keep him in for some more tests, he says can you to pop down and see him when you have a minute."



After spending over an hour talking to the doctor in charge of Tapestry's care, I now have a load more thing to worry about.  As well as him not taking his bottles from the nurses and having to keep being fed by an iv line, he's not responding to things like a baby should.  He just lies there, he doesn't laugh, smile, cry - nothing - its like he is not in there - the lights are on but nobody is home -  I'm worried now that he may be brain damaged or there might be some underlying medical condition from him being so tiny when he was born.  Hense he is booked in for another round of tests tomorrow that I'm going to have to rearrange my theatre schedual to attend.  And yet again there is a delay in him going home.

Health wise he is fine, he is not in any danger any more other than he won't take his feeds, physically he is okay, I think it's his mental state that might be the problem.  We thought maybe a change of environment and spending some time away from the baby unit with me might be something that he needs.

I don't get to spend as much time with him as I'd like and he's got a constant stream of different doctors and nurses around him all the time, the poor kid doesn't know if he is coming or going - he doesn't really have anyone to bond with like all the other babies in the unit who constantly have one parent or the other with them day in and day out.  This is when he needs Lilly most, but Tapestry only has me and it is impossible for me to be with him 24/7 there is only so far that I can stretch myself between work, Lilly and the other two babies and Affair at home .......... and its not far enough especially for Tapestry, which makes me feel really guilty.

I decided to take him to visit Lilly.

It doesn't matter how many times I've done it in the past, it always hits me in exactly the same way  every single time that I walk into this room - like a kick in the stomach.   A lump starts growing in my throat and an unbearable pain sticks in my chest, I can already feel the tears starting to sting my eyes - every time I just want to breakdown and cry, it is tearing me apart to see her just lying there like that - an empty shell.  The worst part is not knowing if she will ever, and even how much of her will come back.

I'm scared of a lot of things - never hearing her voice again, never holding her or kissing her ..... I'm scared that I am going to be spending the rest of her life sitting here seeing her but being alone without her.  What scares me the most is that she will never wake up to see her three babies and that they will never see her any other way than a sleeping shell.  They never even got to hear her voice, she spent most of her pregnancy sleeping - babies bond with their mothers voice when they are in the womb, they never even got to do that.

"Here you go Lilly, I've brought Tapestry to see you today, I told you I would get to sneak one of them in to see you one of these days."  I said as I placed him on the bed next to her.  "But don't tell Forrest he'll probably go mad if he catches us here!!"

I've spent hours sat here holding her hand and talking to her, reading to her, waiting for the slightest sign that she can hear me, a sign that she is still in there somewhere, but she never moves a muscle.  Wherever she is right now - it is definitely not here with us - her body maybe but the rest of her isn't and I really miss her.

I sit staring at them both as I'm nattered away mainly to Lilly.  The pain in my chest is becoming unbearable, it feels like I can actually feel my own heart breaking.  They are both lying there completely motionless, it's like they are both locked into their own little worlds, and I'd give anything to be able to bring them out of it.

Tapestry's eyes are open and completely still, there isn't the slightest flicker of movement - he's just staring off into space and he doesn't make the slightest sound. Coral and Mosaic are never quiet or still for a minute, if either of them were lay here they would be kicking and flapping their little arms about, I'd be worrying about them falling off the bed, but not Tapestry, he's going nowhere.

Lilly lies there with her eyes closed - Berry only knows where she is right now - all she ever does is breath for herself, and I'm always scared that one day she will even stop doing that for herself, then she will have to be put on full life support and I'm not sure I could handle seeing her like that. 

The pair of them are worrying me sick - I am slowly beginning to feel like I'm losing my mind, there is only some much a person can take and its been over 12 months of blow after blow and I really don't know how much more of it I can take.

I have a nasty feeling that I might know one of Tapestry's problems.  I waved my hand a short distance above his face, but there isn't the slightest flicker of movement from him or his eyes.  I think he might be as "blind as a bat" like I am, I can't see a hand in front of my face without my contact lenses.  An even worse thought crossed my mind - he might even be totally blind.  I guess I will find out when they have run all the tests on him.   Then if he can actually see - there is going to be the colour blindness - I expect both of the boys to have inherited that, but I don't really worry over Coral being colourblind its very rare for girls to inherit it.  I really hate the thought that he has to go through yet another round of tests, he's been through too much already - none of this is fair!!!

I am nattering away when suddenly Tapestry made a funny noice, like a cough, so quiet I barely heard it, at first I thought I might even have imagined it.  I stopped talking and sat listening, then I clearly heard him make the sound again.

"Oh so the little man can speak after all!!"  I said as I leaned over him laughing, tickling him under his chin.  As soon as I took my hand away from him he did it again, a little louder this time.

I lifted him off the bed and held him right up close to my face, trying to look at his eyes.  "So there is life in there somewhere, you know you are not like your brother and sister - they never shut up, when I take you home they might well give you a headache!!"   That got me thinking  "That's if you can actually hear anything, I'm beginning to wander if its not just your eyes that we have a problem with!!!"   he actually laughed at me - or was that wind??  I carried on talking to him  "Plus we have another little noisy madam in the house now too - Juniper your little cousin she never shuts up either!!"  he laughs at me again and started flapping his little arms when I brought him up close to my face, this made me feel a little better, I think he can see something at least.  "You're as blind as a bat like me aren't you!!  Or is my face really that funny!!??"  This is the most movement I've ever had out of him.

I spotted the bottle I'd left on the side - I should have kept trying him with it but it had totally slipped my mind.  So used to demanding cry's when its time for feeding - of course Tapestry hasn't yet worked out how to cry - no one has heard him cry since he arrived in theatre, the only one time he has cried.  I picked up the bottle and the milk is now cold.  I didn't expect him to take it but he did.  I've seen him spit it out so many times before - but he's actually drinking this one.  "So you can do it!!!  I wander why you are playing up for the nurses??"  He only drank an ounce of milk before he started spitting it out - but an ounce is better than nothing.

I heard the door open

"Son you know you shouldn't have that baby in here!!  Are you stupid?!"  Dad said as he walked into Lilly's room  "Prelude has phoned me, he wants you to answer your phone to him, he says you're ignoring his calls."

I looked at Dad, who looks slightly amused "You know why don't you - Mom has told you about his latest bombshell hasn't she?!"

"His and Lime's twins - yes she's told me and he wants you to look after them till he gets out - that's a tough one that!!"  he started smiling  "You know we don't mind if that's what you are worrying about, me and you're Mother are quite enjoying having babies in the house, although six of them, when that little one comes home, is going to be a little tough going!!"

"There is nothing tough about it - I'm not doing it!!!  He can sort his own brats out!!!"  Dad just looked over his glasses at me, with that "I'm disappointed with you" look of his.

"Maybe we should talk about it later at home!!!"  I shook my head at him and he just stood there looking at me for a minute, then he looked down at the baby.  "So why do you have Tapestry in here?"

"I wanted him to spend some time with Lilly, he really needs her at the moment and I thought maybe if he cried a little it might help her wake up - but this one doesn't seem to cry, he's not like the other two."  he started to look amused again  "They have started to notice things about him on the baby unit that are worrying, they are not discharging him today he needs more tests, Dad I think there is something wrong with him - I think he might even be blind and deaf or brain damaged."

"You know Mango I think you need to take a break you are beginning to lose the plot, I'm not sure you are thinking rationally anymore!!!  he started laughing at me  "I've noticed how you are not eating or sleeping properly and you are going to be burning yourself out soon if you are not careful - you are doing far too much and over thinking everything!!"

"What choice do I have??!!  You fix Tapestry for me and wake Lilly up - then we can get back to having a normal life!!"  I snapped at him - really what does he expect me to do  "I need to be here with Lilly and Tapestry as well as work and at home to look after the other two and Affair - I'm doing the best that I can without cutting myself in two!!  You tell me what I can do to make my life easier and I'll do it!!!"

"So how is Lilly today?  Any change?"  he asked ignoring what I'd just said to him, no doubt something else that he is going to bend my ear over when we are at home later.

"No change."  I am staring at the machine and something came to me that I've been running through my head for a few days.  "Dad, how much do you think one of those machines would cost to buy?"

"I don't know - why?"

"I'm going to ask the hospital to loan me some of these machines, if they won't,  I'm going to buy them and take Lilly home."


"No she's been lying there for 12 months now and day after day nothing ever changes - there is no reason now why she should still be in that coma, it's not like she is at deaths door anymore because she isn't, I've been running it through my head for a while now and I've got it all worked out, there are three of us medically trained - I want to take her home."

"I'm going to call your Mother to come and take you home, I said earlier I think you're beginning to lose the plot - I was wrong - you've already lost it!!"  he started tutting, then he got angry  "Taking Lilly home is the stupidest thing I've heard you say yet - and I won't let you do it!!!"


Song ~ From Where You Are - Lifehouse