Thursday, 1 October 2015

Chapter 50 - Part 3 - Gen 2 - Tapestry

I am starting to get very irritated with Storm, who is messing about.  He is trying to distract me by winding me up on purpose, when he knows that I am really not in the mood for it, right now. 

While all I want to do is stand here silently ear wigging, Storm is constantly pecking my head, literally.  I am trying to listen to the conversation that Sunny and Cosmic are having, on the other side of the large rock.  Cosmic knows that we are hiding out somewhere closeby, but Sunny doesn't.

     "Slobber on my forehead one more time Orchid, and my fist will be making contact with your face, you aggravating git!!"  I snap quietly at Storm as I push him away.
     "You and who's army Shine - you know I'll kick your but easily!!"  he tuts  "Slobbering!!  I am not slobbering ... I am kissing your head you fool."  he tuts again then laughs  "I don't know what you are worrying about, five minutes with Sunny and you will have kissed and made up!!  I am just trying to take your mind off all this unnecessary stressing that you are doing!"
     "Well stop, because you are irritating me!!"

I give up on any hope of listening to anymore of Sunny and Cosmic's conversation, because I know that Storm is not going to let me.

     "You know you need to chill out Saffy - you are like a coiled spring!!"  Storm laughs at me as he grabs my hands. "You are lucky, I would give my right arm to have my twin brother here right now."
     "That is easy for you to say!!  Parsley is not a berry hole like my brother appears to be these days or the one who ended your mortal life!!  I am sure you would be singing a totally different tune if it was Forest on the other side of that rock."
     "You know I don't blame Forest for sticking the knife in, he beats himself up enough every day for what he did to me, not knowing I was his brother ... and if your theory is right about Sunny, which I don't see myself, then everything should be fine!"
     "It is not a theory it is fact!! - I have seen him performing in the past, so I know I am right!!  It is getting him to come clean and admit it, that is going to be hard work ... he is a stubborn berry hole who has turned lying into an art form!!"
     "Yeah I know someone else who is very stubborn!!"  he laughs

I know he is talking about me.

Without any warning Cosmic and Sunny come floating out of the rock that had divided us.  I freeze, still holding Storm's hand.  All I can do is stand, with mixed emotions, staring at my identical twin brother, who is staring back at me.  He is trying to hold back the smile that is threatening to break out on his face.  Finally he can see me again.  

It feels very strange for me and Sunny to be finally together again in the same world.  I think I have always thought that Sunny would live his whole life, fading of old age, I never really expected him to join me in the spirit world so soon.  I have tried to imagine this moment many times over the years, wandering what it would be like for us to finally come face to face again.  I thought I would be angry with him, because of what he did to me, but now he is standing in front of me, I find I can't be angry with him ... I feel more relief than anything.

     "Well?"  I frown at Cosmic
     "He says he is going to behave.  No more of his homophobic rubbish."  Cosmic laughs  "Saff, we will leave you to sort him out.  Me and Storm will go and check on Tapestry, to give you two some space." 

I watch quietly as Cosmic and Storm start to head in the direction of the den.  Storm is laughing quite loudly, while Cosmic is shouting at him, because Storm had to be the aggravating fool that he is and purposefully snogged me right in front of Sunny, trying to get a reaction out of him.  Surprisingly there was not one.

 When I turn to face Sunny, he has continued to stand there quietly staring at me.  I can not help but smile at him.  Sunny smiles back at me for a moment before he pulls a pained expression then starts to choke, almost like he is about to burst into tears, even though he physically can not cry anymore.

     "I feel sick!!"
     "Yeah I guessed you might, having to face me again after what you did to me!!  I bet you never thought you would see me again, ha!!"
     "No not that idiot!!  Look at you Saffy ... you are still a teenager!!"
     "Obviously, seeing as I was a teenager when you murdered me ... what did you think, that spirits grow and age, and that I would be a fully grown man?!"  I start to laugh at him
     "I don't know ... I haven't really thought about it."  he mumbles
     "Seriously Sun - I am stuck like this forever, and do you know just how cruel it is, never becoming an adult.  Thanks to you!!"
     "I did not murder you!!"  he snaps  "It was an accident and you know it!!  I shoved you in temper because of what we were arguing about, what you kept saying and calling me ... I even tried to stop you falling and nearly went with you!!  I am sorry!!  I NEVER meant to push you out of that tree and especially not end your life - it was a stupid accident, I swear on my life!!"
     "Your life is over Sun - swear on something that means something ... gay boy!!"

Sunny stands there laughing at me sarcastically for a moment.

     "Seriously ... do you really want to start this all over again?  I am NOT a gay boy!!"
     "Really?! ... that is what you still keep saying.  That line is wearing just a little too thin with me, along with the ACT that you have been putting on pretending to be a homophobic berry hole.  When deep down I think the only reason you are so loud and nasty with it, is because you are having to keep convincing yourself over and over that straight is the way to go!!  Gay boy!!"  I laugh sarcastically  "Seriously Sunny, it is time to fess up or fuck off!!  If you are going to continue with your shit, you can go - pass over - I don't want you here!!"
     "Come on Saff - I know you have missed me, like I have you!!  We don't function properly without each other .... we need each other ... you don't really mean that!!"
     "Oh I do mean it!!  You might need me but I need your shit like I need a hole in the head!!  I have spent my whole life cleaning up after your mess, I don't plan to do it forever!!
     "You say that like you haven't missed me!!!"  he says sulkily
     " Of course I have missed you, but I definitely have not missed your stupidity and the shit it brings!!  I can see how you have fallen to pieces without me not there to keep you on the right track!!  I just knew you would blunder through your life like a stupid idiot without me!!  I would rather be without you than have your forked tongue and phony fake acting ass in my face!!"  I laugh at the expression on his face  "What the hell happened to you?!  Playing the straight guy really doesn't suit you - your joke of a marriage and the way you have pathetically been clinging onto it to keep up your false front - shows you that!!  You might have fooled everyone else with your act, but not me!!  I know you remember!!  Genetically we are identical, we are made exactly the same you and me ..."
      "That is bollocks Saffy ...  just because we are twins, it doesn't mean that we are the same!!"  he laughs trying to make up his pathetic excuses  "Look at Storm and Parsley - one is gay, one is straight!!"

     "STOP wriggling Sunny, you are talking to me now remember!!  You know damn well, Storm and Parsley are none identical, they are two totally different people, each created in their own right, all they share is their birthday.  We are IDENTICAL!!  We are one split into two .. genetically we are EXACTLY the same, and you know we are!!  You just have a screw lose in that head of yours - you have wasted your whole miserable life pretending to be something that you are not ... Straight and homophobic, when I know damn well you are neither!!"  I laugh at him
      "I am straight - I have a wife and kids to prove it!!  What happened when we were kids, was a phase, a stupid mistake on my behalf!!"
      "Yeah Right!!  The wife and kids doesn't prove anything, I have seen how you are with that red whore of yours ... you use every excuse in the book to avoid touching her!!  I have seen you in action, as a gay boy, or do you forget that?!  You definitely didn't look very straight when you had your tongue down the back of MY boyfriends throat or mauling the pants off him quite enthusiastically ... so straight you turned his head.  I am sure you haven't forgotten all the arguments we had over him and why, because I definitely haven't!!  You steal my boyfriend and you stand there trying to make out you are straight!!  You are a lying joke!!"
     "That is not fair and you know it!!  I never encouraged him or started it, and do we seriously have to have this argument again  ... you know damn well he jumped on me thinking that I was you, because the idiot could not tell us apart!!"
      "A straight guy would have punched his lights out for jumping on him, but you didn't did you Sunny - gay boy!!  Yeah I think we do need to have this argument again ... Like I said back then, I think you asked for it, I would not be surprised if you didn't wear my jacket on purpose to confuse him, just so you could get your hands on him!!"
      "That isn't true!"

      "Well I didn't see you pushing him away in a hurry, quite the opposite ... I was watching you two for ages, a hell of a lot longer than I let on!!  I could see where it was going - and YOU was letting it happen knowing damn well he thought you were me!!  I guessed he might have got us mixed up when I saw my jacket being slung to the floor in the heat of passion, that is why I stopped it.  If I had only kept my mouth shut and not stopped you ... I should have let you start shagging each other that day, then spoke out, then you would not be able to stand here and deny it now.  Not that you can anyway.  GAY BOY!!"
     "Shut up ... SHUT UP!!"  he yells at me.
     "Hit a raw nerve haven't I Sunshine!!  Don't think you can lie your way out of it either and say it was a one off and never went any further!!!  I saw exactly what went on between you two and how far you went after I faded ... I was there watching the pair of you up until you was sent away to that boarding school!!  It took you all of five minutes, my body had not even been buried before you started shagging my boyfriend.  You stood and held hands all through my funeral!!"
     "That ... that was just ... the grief.  It really cut him up loosing you, he leaned on me, we got carried away!"
     "Yeah right, stop lying Sun ... he loved you, and you felt the same way!!  I was there watching and listening, why do you insist on keep trying to deny it!?"  I laugh sarcastically  "I really don't get it, I honestly expected to find you with Mustard or some other bloke when I found you again.  I definitely didn't expect you to have a wife and kids!!  What happened with you and Mustard anyway?  For fudge sake ... you even named one of your kids after him!!" 
      "That was Ruby, she wanted the name Maize, and I couldn't stop her!!"  he rolls his eyes  "Saff I really don't want to talk about him!!"
      "We can not avoid talking about him, seeing as he was the one that came between us!!"  he rolls his eyes at me  "Just frigging admit it and be done with it!!  You are as gay as I am ... Berry knows why you are STILL trying to fight or hide it, especially from me!!"

Sunny just collapses to the floor.  He sits there just staring at the ground, looking defeated. 

I laugh at him as I sit down in front of him - I know my brother, and I know that defeated look, I have already cracked him.

     "Come on Sun, we have always been able to tell each other anything, whatever!!  It doesn't even have to go any further than my ears, if you don't want it too!!   We are two halves of a whole and I can read you like a book, because you are me!!  I am right aren't I ... gay boy!!"  he doesn't say anything, his eyes don't leave the ground, he just nods sulkily  "I want to hear you say it!!"
     "Okay ... okay ... I give up!!  I am ..."  he hesitates  "... what you said."  he mumbles quickly
     "You can't even say it can you!  Gay boy!!"  I laugh at him  "Why?  Why have you lived your life this way?"
     "I wanted children."  he mumbles quietly after a few minutes silence.
     "Bull shit!!  That is seriously not the real reason!!  They were just a bonus!!" 
     "You didn't tell Cosmic or Jazz the truth about me did you?!  You didn't tell them why we were really arguing?!"  he frowns at me almost in a panic, but I think it was a ploy to change the subject a little so he did not have to answer my question.
     "Yeah I bet you shit yourself when you found out they had found me in the spirit world!!"  I laugh at him sarcastically  "No ... they still think you are straight and homophobic.  After watching how you have been acting and treating your gay son, which all really confused me at first ...  I kept my mouth shut, your secret is safe, but only just, I think!!   I told Cos and the others that you was being a homophobic berry hole before I faded and they bought it.  Although Jazz has questioned me, a few things he has heard you thinking, I think he suspects something isn't quite right with you, and Shadow definitely knows!!"  I watch as his eyes widen and a pain expression washes across his face.  "That little boy is clever, he knows everything and is keeping your secret.  Not only has he been listening to you, but we didn't realize he could hear spirits thoughts, the little monkey kept that fact to himself.  He has been listening to what has been going on in my head, he pulled me to one side and interigated me.  I have since told Storm, so he also knows the truth.  Not that he believes me - proof of how good your pathetic act has been!!  You missed your calling that's for sure ... you should have tried acting for a career, because you have won an oscar for this performance!!"
     "Is that supposed to be funny Saff!?"

     "So come on, I want to know why you have been pretending to be a straight guy all these years?"
     "It ... it was for a few reason.  It was hard, after you faded, I hated myself for what happened to you, and I know it was all my fault ... and not just because I accidentally pushed you out of that tree."  he mumbles  "If I had not got off with your boyfriend we wouldn't have been falling out and fighting over him.  It was even my damn fault that kite got stuck up the tree.  It was eating me up, along with the lie I was having to tell everyone, that I went looking for you and found you just lying there faded.  I was too scared to tell them that I had been up the tree with you and I had accidentally pushed you out of it, terrified they might lock me up for fading you, I didn't even tell Mustard the truth!!  I didn't mean for any of it to happen, and I have seriously paid for it ever since ... I have punished myself every day since, living the way I have been!!"  he stares at me quietly before he carries on talking  "After you faded, Mustard got a bit ... neurotic, he just wouldn't leave me alone ..."
     "Yes, I know I saw it.  You didn't push him away then either did you!!"
     "No."  he mumbles quietly  "I won't lie, I fancied him like hell, and with you no longer there, I didn't think it mattered if I was with him or not ... I couldn't help myself, even if it did feel all wrong.  Every time I looked at him, it only reminded me of you and what had happened ... I constantly think that it was because of him we were fighting and that is why you faded.  Before you faded, remember when I was trying to convince you I was straight - I was doing it to get you off my back, to make you think I wasn't interested in your boyfriend so we could stop fighting."  he pulls a face at me
     "I knew you was lying you berry hole!!"

      "I kind of got that lie stuck in my head after you faded ... it made life easier for me in a lot of ways."  he rolls his eyes  "At school it became quite bad.  You know how they never messed with us, because if they messed with one they had to deal with us both ... after you faded it all changed.  They started to pick on me, especially after they saw me and Mustard together, we were being bullied for being the gay boys.  I also had Mom and Dad on my back, you fading didn't bring us closer together like you would expect, it drove us apart, they were upset and angry over you fading, and they took it out on me, because every time they looked at me they saw you.  They were not too happy either when they realized Mustard had moved onto me, we had some horrible arguments over it.  The arguments got pretty bad, they were peed off with me being gay, they hated it, because they thought that they were never getting any Grandchildren ... that is why they decided to have another baby.  Things got so bad, they started going on at me for not being 'normal' so I pretended me and Mustard had broke up, I had to sneak about to see him... and I tried to convince everyone it was just a phase I went through, and that I am really straight.  I even started dating that stupid girl Lemon, three doors down, trying to convince them.  I thought things were calming down, then out of the blue they sent me away to that boarding school. At the time I thought they didn't want me because of me being gay, that they were replacing me with the new baby.  It didn't help that they did not let me go home for nearly three years."
      "They didn't let you go home because they were hiding Crystal from you,  they did not want you to see the colourless baby, so they could get rid of her."
      "Yeah, I know that now, but I didn't at the time!!"  he laughs sarcastically

       "Even though it really hurt at the time ... going away to that boarding school, was what I needed - it got me away from Mustard and Lemon, I could start a fresh where nobody knew me.  I didn't tell anyone I was gay - I didn't want the bullying to start again.  They just presumed I was straight so I played along with it.  I was glad when there were no other yellow boys or girls there ... dating was not an option, so I could just relax.  Then Ruby happened!!  The school bike that would shag anybody no matter what colour they were.  At first I kept away, but Jazz and Alpine were shagging her and Jazz especially kept egging me on to join in.  I used the colour card, but it didn't wash with them, I wasn't as strong as Cosmic and Mango who could stand up for themselves, they stood their ground and refused to go there on principle ... Jazz called me gay, and I panicked!!   So I did it, I slept with Ruby, just to keep up the pretense that I am straight.  I thought I would only have to do it once, but it didn't quite work out that way.  I hated it at first when she kept coming back, I had to close my eyes and pretend she was Mustard - she came so often, I just kind of got used to it!!"
     "Yeah eight kids later!!"  I laugh at him  "I would say you got well used to shagging skirt!!"
     "Don't forget - only 7 of those kids are mine, and 6 of them are three sets of twins - 4 pregnancies in total, so there was not as much shagging going on as everyone thought!!"  he pulls a face  "I hated it and dodged it as often as I could, why do you think she was constantly cheating behind my back with other men, I am just glad she did it discreetly so none of our friends found out.  The bitch is a whore anyway, but I drove her to do it even more.  To be honest I didn't really care, as long as it was someone we didn't know and weren't close to, so she didn't make me look foolish being cheated on.  It saved me the job of having to be mauled by her."  This makes me laugh and Sunny frowns at me  "We only kept up the pretense of a happy marriage, for the kids sakes."  he mumbles as he continues to frown at me.
    "Well, there have been a couple right under your nose, way too close to home if you ask me!!  So yeah, they have been laughing at you behind your back.  Especially one of them, who she visits quite regularly, and has been for a few years now."  I laugh at him and the expression on his face.  "Cos has told me there has been a close shave with Scarlet too, he was having kittens when Scarlet started hanging around with her biological fathers son, he was scared they might start dating."
     "You know who he is?"
     "Yes, but I have been sworn to secrecy, Cos says I can't tell you, not yet anyway.  It will probably unhinge you when you find out who he is!!  We need to sort this shit out first."  he pulls a face at me.
     "That whore has the morals of a gutter rat, it wouldn't have surprised me if she had let Scarlet get involved with a half sibling and keep her mouth shut just to keep her dirty secret!!"

     "Yeah well, that never happened and if it had ever come remotely close then Tapestry would have been told the truth so he could put a stop to it."  I laugh at him  "You talk about the wife like you hate her!"
     "No I don't hate her!! She is the mother of my children, she is I guess one of my best friends, and that was it really, we got on well as friends.  I never loved her, for many years I fooled her into thinking I did, but the bedroom quickly became a battle ground.   I think she knew I did not love her after I found out Scarlet was not mine, I stopped putting in the effort to even pretend that I loved her.  She says she loves me, but I don't know, she's got a funny way of showing it if she does!!"
     "Why attach yourself to her forever, and carry on the pretense, putting yourself through hell when there really was no need?"
     "In the end it was because of the kids obviously, but once I had started to play the game, there was no way of stopping it as much as I wanted to ...  I was terrified of what my kids would think of me if they ever found out the truth.
     "How did you get yourself into the situation of children in the first place?"
     "Ruby was careless with her pills!!  Obviously getting Ruby pregnant sealed my fate for me ... but in my stupidity I was happy to go with it.  Even before I knew the babies were mine, Jazz and Alpine had no intention of standing by her, even if the baby was theirs.  So I jumped on the opportunity of attaching myself to her, I liked the idea of children of my own eventually and it moved me far away to a new town and away from Mustard, which I think for my own sanity I had to do at that time.  I was very torn, I loved him but I couldn't live with the constant reminder, and I saw a way out.  As it happened, the life I went with turned out to be totally the wrong choice ... I was young and stupid, and I kept digging myself bigger holes that I could not get out of.  At school I was the straight guy, they didn't have a clue that I had a boyfriend at home.  I didn't go after Ruby, she came after me, and there was nothing I could do, I just had to go with it to keep up the appearance." 

     "So why the raging homophobic berry hole act?"
     "Why do you think!!"  he laughs at me sarcastically  "I seriously don't need gay men around me, firstly they remind me of what I should be, which makes me angry with myself, for choosing the life that I got myself stuck in and couldn't get out of.  Secondly I had to remove all temptation far out of my reach.  If they think I detest them for being gay, they keep well away from me, which is exactly what I need them to do!!  Especially lately .."  he rolls his eyes  "It has become pretty bad, suddenly we get a load of fit gay guys land in town ... they unhinge me!!"
     "Granite and Atlas."  I laugh at him
     "Yeah ... why didn't you mention Mace?"  he frowns at me
     "We have the same taste in men remember, besides I have seen how vicious you get with Granite, I guessed you might need to drive him even further away than the others .... he seriously gets under your skin doesn't he!!"
     "Yeah just a little ... I can quite understand why Mace and Forrest are fighting over him!!"  we both start laughing.
     "So this homophobic act, I am guessing it started because of Saffron and Bayleaf?"
     "Hell no, if I had not already been playing the homophobic, then I could have handled Saffron being gay totally different ... like I said, I dig a hole which just gets deeper, I didn't think I had a choice but to continue with it to save face and keep my secret safe.  I started playing the homophobic game because of Forrest, Mango's friend.  I was very wary of him when Mango told me about him being married to a guy who had gone awol on him.  Forrest used to look at me sometimes like he could tell I am gay, he used to drop snide comments, I swear he knew or suspected.  They say don't they, it takes one to know one.  He scared me, so I started playing the homophobic game to throw him and everyone else off the scent.  Mango used to go crazy at me, lecture after lecture I used to get off him every time he heard me being nasty to or about Forrest, or gay people in general.  It wasn't too bad, Forrest has been the only gay guy in town for a long time ... until Bay and Saffron, now the town is over run with them - the more that appear the worse I have to get!!"

     "I want to know why, you have been treating Saffron, your own son, the way you have?"
     "Seriously, I don't want to talk about Saffron right now!!"  he mumbles
     "Well I am sorry ... you are going to at some point before today is out!!  I want everything out in the open before I decide if you are staying or not!!"
     "Saff ... really!?"  his face twists up again
     "Yes, you can't keep up this pretense any longer!!  If you are not going to come clean and step out of that closet that you have had yourself locked up in, then you may as well just go, I will wash my hands of you and I will just turn a blind eye to the shit that might be coming for your wife and children!!"  he frowns at me  "You think everyone will just remember you as being the homophobic berry hole, well think again, the truth always finds a way of coming out!!   You have already left a mess behind you, Scarlet and Saffron, and it could get a whole lot worse IF you have been carrying on with any men on the quiet lately that might come here grieving to attend your funeral and let the cat out of the bag!  Is there any evidence that you have left behind that your family might find to help them uncover the truth?"  his face drops
     "Oh fudge, I ... I just thought my secret would fade with me."
     "Yeah you would!!  You have no common sense and never think a head or about consequences!!"  I laugh at him sarcastically  "You have left behind you one hell of a an explosive bomb that is probably going to go off and destroy your family!!  We can't clean your mess up to save your family from any hurt and destruction if you don't come clean to me and those who can help you!!  As spirits there are things we can do, but thankfully we have Tapestry and Crystal who are both very good at keeping secrets, they can help to avert any trouble or at least help soften the blow!!"

Before I have even finished what I am saying Sunny has jumped to his feet, he looks alarmed and starts to pace around with his head in his hands.

     "Have you been messing about with any men?  Is there any evidence that might help your family work out the truth?"

He stands there looking mortified, but he doesn't speak.  I think I already know what the answer to those two questions are going to be.

     "Well?"  I snap at him  "Answer my questions!!"  Sunny looks at me sheepishly
     "Yes ... there is someone, and there is evidence for my family to find."  he mumbles quietly